#ME – There and Back Again!

Sometimes it seems that even that moderately low plateau of stamina, is a level too high to return to. At present, a dispiriting pain and ache level of exhaustion seems intent upon taking permanent residence in my limbs and torso; at times its tentacles seem to stretch discomfortingly into head and psyche as well!

There’s always a price to be paid for even a modest additional expenditure of physical and emotional stamina, even when that expenditure itself seemed beneficial. Recuperation from payback seems to be tidal in nature; just when one thinks that the energy tide is in it swiftly ebbs away.

On Saturday 17^th some long standing friends made their way across the Pennines to Harrogate. Upon their arrival at the Cedar Court Hotel they ‘phoned to invite us over for beaucoup de catch up conversation and an early evening meal. The three to four hours spent with them passed in what seemed like one hour tops! Stamina resources didn’t seem to be a problem at all, I simply basked in the socializing experience.

Next afternoon, our friends joined us chez nous, for further chats and an early evening meal’ Fortunately, I’d already prepared a curry, earlier on the Saturday, so there wasn’t too much effort involved in dinner preparation.

Once again the few hours together seemed to pass at supersonic speed. For a while I felt as if my stamina was heading back to pre-illness levels and, I felt quite on form to co-host our monthly Bible Study group, chez nous, on the Monday afternoon. The study and fellowship proved rewarding as usual.

On Tuesday 19^th a degree of payback kicked in. A shattered painful exhaustion, swiftly metamorphosed from simple over-tiredness,to a sharp burning sensation on the uppers of my feet and simultaneous excruciating pains in my upper limbs, Meantime my torso felt crushed and bloated. That’s just a fragment of the discomforting regimen of the day. Wrist, elbow, and back supports were intermittently required, alongside a frequent recourse to tramadol.

By the Wednesday morning I felt as if I was being gradually restored to normality, only to regress on subsequent days. At least I’m now having less recourse to painkillers.

By the beginning of this week I feel as if emotional resilience has returned; all that remains are my more regular aches, pains, and sudden onset bouts of exhaustion.

 As I look out on blue skies, all’s well with the world.

Dis-Arming Dis-Ease

Being tickled so hard that hysterical laughter turns into a painful scream, I wonder if you know that feeling, because that’s how I feel now except without the laughter! Suddenly the newspaper felt too heavy, or at least too awkward to hold; the wrists succumb to a pounding tympanic throb, so I apply the necessary strappings. Next the inevitable discomfort in the armpits, suddenly the skin feels at least two sizes too small for the torso it embraces; that aching laughter sensation, referred to earlier, holds both inner upper arms in thrall. I try, with only a modicum of success, to dampen the nausea response by clasping the upper arms almost tourniquet tight against my body.

To an onlooker it must seem as if I’ve been suddenly shocked into a     distorted catatonic state.  

It takes some time before I pluck up courage to extend my forearms away from the upper-arm locked torso. A sigh of relief murmurs forth, as I release myself from this temporary stasis; it’s almost as if I’d been holding my breath alongside clasping the upper arms to torso.

It’s proving difficult to catch up on some much needed rest, last night had been one of intense dis-ease best summed up by my posting on facebook at 3.30AM:

Once I stop feeling
my skin's being flayed
whilst discomfort dances
leadenly

over joints
and muscles
then

I may get
some much needed
sleep

Night night folks!

I’m afraid the “Night night folks” was a little too optimistic. I finally managed a little, scarcely refreshing, shut-eye from around 6.00AM.