Seems
like I have a permanent ticket for a roller-coaster ride, not that I
particularly requested or enjoy the experience! The journey involves
states of physical and emotional health, by which I mean health
shortcomings.Just
as I’m getting used to feeling a dose of well-being, random pains
and discomfort have a habit of leaping out to chastise me; whatever
task I’m managing at that particular time, a throbbing burning pain
in wrists, a sharper pain in elbows or, the nagging hollow bruised,
nausea inducing, discomfort in the armpits strikes, calling an
immediate halt to whatever activity is in process. (By activity I
mean something akin to reading a newspaper or magazine, or maybe
surfing the web on tablet or laptop: it is indeed only on very rare
occasions that any of these activities are permitted as prolonged a
period as thirty-minutes!). An added joy is the Damoclean sword of
permanently imminent, frequently occurring, gullet, stomach and colon
flare-ups.
More
recently, the familiar neurological ailments have been partnered
with an unrelated depressive anxiety. Some days I find myself in
sudden floods of tears, concerning love, beauty and transience,
fearing being alone and upset at the brevity of human life,
especially as I’m now in my mid-seventies and, have become
increasingly in awe at the amazing interdependence of everything in
the whole cycle of life and, that nothing is wasted in nature’s
economy. The primary cause of my current bout of anxiety is related
to concern about my beloved OH’s impending aortic heart valve
replacement operation. The operation will be of four hours duration,
followed by a couple of days in cardiac intensive care then, four or
five more days in the hospital.
This
will be the longest period that we have been apart since our wedding
over nineteen years ago. Apart from being my wife, lover, companion,
confidant and chauffeur, she has increasingly become my carer. Whilst
she’s in the hospital I won’t be able to visit her, owing to
travelling involved. Since the onset of my chronic illness (moderate
Myalgic Encephalomyelitis) even the, less than two mile, trip
into town can prove emotionally and physically overwhelming, but ma
belle will be in a neighbouring city some eighteen miles away. My
(step-)daughters have offered to take me but, the prospect of such a
journey makes me realize that I’d be in no fit state to be a
bedside visitor (as I’d have to anticipate the ordeal of the return
run).
A
sizeable bleeding rodent ulcer (presumed basal cell carcinoma) has in
recent weeks become an additional irritant and, I will shortly be
attending an appointment in the dermatology dept of the District
Hospital. Oh, what joys we are all heir too!
