I’ve never really been one for planning; taking
things as they come, with opportunities galore for spontaneity and
improvisation, is more my favoured route. Sadly, things in the real world seem
to be in conflict with my ideal and, planning becomes necessary when it comes
to grocery provisions, especially so for festive celebrations. It is my good
fortune that ma belle OH is the grocery shopper, especially so since I’ve found
it difficult to cope with the sensory overload from any store other than the,
now almost extinct species, corner shop.
As Christmas Day approached I got into the,
unfavoured but necessary, routine of pre-preparing certain food items before
the big day itself. I enjoy cooking the main meals but, tend to get a little
stressed by these special occasions. At least there were no great numbers to
prepare for, our elder daughter staying with us through Christmas Eve evening
until Boxing Day late afternoon whilst the younger sibling was coming over at
about 2.00pm, on the day itself, together with our grandson, following his
mid-day nap.
The evening before Christmas Eve day I started
experiencing very dramatic floaters in my right eye and, found myself
stretching out to remove a soot covered cobweb from a corner of the loo. Of
course neither the soot covering, nor the web itself, existed out there in the
room but were rather hyper 3D-ised visions stemming from false retina readings.
Shortly afterwards I started to have rather strident flashes of light appearing
beside my right eye which I found quite disturbing. Christmas Eve morning, ma
belle contacted my GPs surgery which arranged a call back from one of the
doctors on duty that day.
A short while later, the ‘phone rang and ma belle
OH passed the handset to me, at which point I was told about arrangements for
the operation, with the sudden realization that this call was for my beloved.
After months of waiting, they were now informing us that, all things going well,
her aortic valve replacement would be taking place on 15 January. This news
cast rather a shadow over subsequent proceedings as I am, to quite an extent,
dependent upon Helen as my primary carer. At the same time, I gratefully acknowledge
that the operation can give her a whole new quality of life, after several
months recuperation from the cardiac surgery.
The next time the phone rang; a doctor from my
local practice spoke to me and arranged for an appointment that afternoon. The
doctor I saw gave my eyes a thorough examination and she put through a referral
to the eye clinic at the District
Hospital
Ever since my wife’s cardiac surgery seemed quite
imminent, last summer, I have once again succumbed to anxiety and depressive episodes,
randomly tearful and unduly angry with people and events. When I saw a doctor
about this experience in August, all she would suggest was CBT as she wanted me
off all my medications, not adding something else. My anxiety intensified after
that visit as the medications I am taking are for the heart, following a minor
stroke, for long-term abdominal problems and for pain and restless leg control.
As the operation date, for my beloved, is once again imminent, the anxieties
have intensified so, yesterday afternoon, I saw a different doctor who is
consulting with a pharmacist and the mental health team to see if there may be
a suitable course of medication etc.
This afternoon I attended the opticians, for an
overdue eye test, and have been referred to the cataract clinic with regard to
my right eye. So, things are moving and I’m struggling on…
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