Sunday, January 17, 2016


Wrists in strong supports, left hand clasped tightly in armpit by right upper arm, right hand grasping left shoulder, upper left arm clasped tightly to side, and I want to scream. The nagging aching pain and discomfort little eased by 100mg of tramadol swallowed a couple of hours ago.

Everything felt fine when I decided to move from reclining to upright posture, but then just switching on laptop and tapping a few keys was sufficient to bring back the heavily aching nausea-inducing pain in the upper arms; the sensation not too dissimilar to a state of total exhaustion when one is prohibited from rest or sleep.

When lying down a throbbing ache envelops my knees; bending knees to make a tent under my shrouding fleece temporarily alleviates the gnawing knee pain. Next it’s the toes that are the problem, a sudden burning sensation in lower digits all too swiftly feels as if my skin is being grated by the restraining pressure of what are usually quite normal socks. This latter item swiftly becomes an instrument of torture and, their removal does little to relieve the sting.

It’s beginning to feel like some sort of punishment as atonement for having two reasonably good days. On Friday I finally managed to visit the opticians, first time I’ve managed that since 2003, previous attempts having been thwarted by sensory overload and/or panic attacks. I t really felt like quite an achievement to have undergone a range of tests by both optometrist and optician. The optometrist was genuinely interested to learn a little about ME (and my denouncing of the wastebin CFS diagnoses) and really put me at ease.

Fired up by this amazing achievement, next day I decided to attend to one of my problem PC’s that I hadn’t touched since September. No amount of online research (and subsequent application) resolved the issues that had thwarted my efforts last year. There was nothing for it other than fresh installation of Win 7 and countless updates to be applied.

By mid to late evening I was quite shatteredly exhausted but, having go to bed sleep proved extremely elusive. Illusory sleep turned out to be the lesser nocturnal oppression. Wrists, elbows, lymph nodes, and lower digits screamed out for attention. Tubular bandages over elbows and much of the arms, elasticated metal spined wrist supports offered little in the way of pain and discomfort relief and, the burning flayed skin of the toes screamed out in accompaniment to my expletive laden vocalising. An application of moisturiser to feet and toes proffered temporary alleviation but, I’m not sure whether it was the emollient or the massaging effect of its application that provided this relief. This procedure was repeated several times during the course of the next couple of hours.

 By 11.19 this morning I reluctantly emerged from the duvet lair only marginally less exhausted than the previous late evening. What of today? You may well ask! The first paragraph describes some of my afternoon.

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