Anyway, the seemingly impossible happened .....
- living and frequently struggling with moderate M.E. -
where (bad) health, faith, politics and the joys and troubles of daily life collide.
ME
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Thursday, February 11, 2016
A glimmer of hope
The process of trying to get an urgent appointment proved harrowingly frustrating but, I suspect the age of miracles is not yet dead - we certainly need them!
Anyway, the seemingly impossible happened .....
Anyway, the seemingly impossible happened .....
Monday, December 22, 2014
Friday, April 18, 2014
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Mal's Christmas Message
As Christmas Day approaches, I've been revelling (as listener rather than participant) in lots of Christmas carols and other Christmas music whilst preparing for the big day. As a Christian, my central focus is upon the Christ child who grew up to challenge the secular and spiritual authorities of his day, proclaiming a discipline of selflessness, compassion, peace and humility. Although his spirit is still alive, it is all too frequently portrayed in a way which is both nauseatingly pious and uncharitable!
At times. it seems quite difficult to reconcile the wining and dining, which is an integral part of our Christmas celebrations, with the commemoration of the birth of a child in quite humble circumstances in an occupied Middle Eastern country but, I still manage to enjoy the celebrations. As I write, the large (11lb) chicken is roasting in the oven, a mixture of butter, garlic, pepper and chilli having been inserted beneath the skin. I've also been busily preparing both standard and gluten-free sausagemeat (with a liberal administering of onion, mustard and parsley) stuffing. Portions of chicken will then be placed in the steamer, along with sundry vegetables on the day itself. Ma belle has prepared the vegetables and the potatoes ready for par-boiling by yours truly, in a special herb and spice infused liquid, prior to roasting in due course.
I've also been diligently filling the sundry feeders for our gardens avian visitors, having first having scraped away the feeder's snow overcoats and, enjoyed a little walk with my beloved around a few blocks of the neighbourhood.
Beth, my elder step-daughter, together with her partner Mahmood, and his son Sina, will be joining us for Christmas Day dinner whilst Cathy and Ken (her partner) will be spending a couple of days in Barcelona. Of course Cathy will be coming round for her Christmas Dinner on Monday, with Ken calling around later to imbibe a few glasses of fermented grape juice. It's rather nice to be able to stretch out the festivities in this way. We are so fortunate to be able to celebrate in this way, whilst being all too guiltily aware of all those millions throughout the globe who struggle for subsistence.
My Christmas wish, as always, is for PEACE, HOPE and JOY, and a far more equitable distribution of the earths resources!
At times. it seems quite difficult to reconcile the wining and dining, which is an integral part of our Christmas celebrations, with the commemoration of the birth of a child in quite humble circumstances in an occupied Middle Eastern country but, I still manage to enjoy the celebrations. As I write, the large (11lb) chicken is roasting in the oven, a mixture of butter, garlic, pepper and chilli having been inserted beneath the skin. I've also been busily preparing both standard and gluten-free sausagemeat (with a liberal administering of onion, mustard and parsley) stuffing. Portions of chicken will then be placed in the steamer, along with sundry vegetables on the day itself. Ma belle has prepared the vegetables and the potatoes ready for par-boiling by yours truly, in a special herb and spice infused liquid, prior to roasting in due course.
I've also been diligently filling the sundry feeders for our gardens avian visitors, having first having scraped away the feeder's snow overcoats and, enjoyed a little walk with my beloved around a few blocks of the neighbourhood.
Beth, my elder step-daughter, together with her partner Mahmood, and his son Sina, will be joining us for Christmas Day dinner whilst Cathy and Ken (her partner) will be spending a couple of days in Barcelona. Of course Cathy will be coming round for her Christmas Dinner on Monday, with Ken calling around later to imbibe a few glasses of fermented grape juice. It's rather nice to be able to stretch out the festivities in this way. We are so fortunate to be able to celebrate in this way, whilst being all too guiltily aware of all those millions throughout the globe who struggle for subsistence.
My Christmas wish, as always, is for PEACE, HOPE and JOY, and a far more equitable distribution of the earths resources!
Thursday, July 09, 2009
On Parole
Over the course of the past few weeks, great steps forward have been achieved! What I would have considered minute shuffles, in pre-illness times, now seem like immense strides in terms of progress. Increased activity levels have been only moderately counterbalanced by achingly exhausted collapses; the all too familiar roller coaster experience has been transformed into little more than a kiddies replica of the real thing.
Perhaps the greatest advance was a walk into town, the first time I’ve been able to manage that in almost six years and, more importantly, being able to cope with all the audio-visual experiences a town centre throws at one. This comes in the wake of throwing off a chemical lifebelt of anti-depressants, which were supposedly easing my anxiety / panic attacks!
An early morning dose of tramadol hydrochloride (initially prescribed on a more intensive basis to cope with the pain caused by a herniated disc) serves to alleviate the muscular stiffness and spasms which have long been my faithful companions. As a result I have been able to manage more short walks, on top of carrying out various tasks in the garden and my regular culinary activities.
Somehow, the advent of my full pensionable status seems to have coincided with an upturn in my general sense of wellbeing. Perhaps part of it is the newly found freedom from guilt on my better days; the thought that I should attempt a return to gainful employment is no longer part of my agenda. The expectation that I could have done so was totally unrealistic on account of the unpredictability of this condition. Even the re-invigorated Malcolm is still subject to the whims of an achingly exhausted body and, it would be foolish to ignore the more insistent corporeal demands for rest (unless a sense of masochism longed for a painful relapse).
Meantime, I simply give thanks for being paroled from the ME – CFS prison.
Perhaps the greatest advance was a walk into town, the first time I’ve been able to manage that in almost six years and, more importantly, being able to cope with all the audio-visual experiences a town centre throws at one. This comes in the wake of throwing off a chemical lifebelt of anti-depressants, which were supposedly easing my anxiety / panic attacks!
An early morning dose of tramadol hydrochloride (initially prescribed on a more intensive basis to cope with the pain caused by a herniated disc) serves to alleviate the muscular stiffness and spasms which have long been my faithful companions. As a result I have been able to manage more short walks, on top of carrying out various tasks in the garden and my regular culinary activities.
Somehow, the advent of my full pensionable status seems to have coincided with an upturn in my general sense of wellbeing. Perhaps part of it is the newly found freedom from guilt on my better days; the thought that I should attempt a return to gainful employment is no longer part of my agenda. The expectation that I could have done so was totally unrealistic on account of the unpredictability of this condition. Even the re-invigorated Malcolm is still subject to the whims of an achingly exhausted body and, it would be foolish to ignore the more insistent corporeal demands for rest (unless a sense of masochism longed for a painful relapse).
Meantime, I simply give thanks for being paroled from the ME – CFS prison.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Accounting For My Time
Until yesterdays brief posting, I’d been feeling rather guilty about the paucity of recent blog posts. It’s not been a case of having nothing to say but rather not having the time to say it; other activities decided to prioritize themselves.
So, what has been happening? Not a lot but, far too much. My pacing has at times managed to go awry; it still catches me unawares when a couple of hours pottering around in the garden results in the following couple of days being plagued with an achingly painful fatigue, a kind of hollow bruised feeling encapsulating my whole being.
A recent visit to the doctor found my GP, half jokingly, asking my other half why she doesn’t stop me! It’s rather as if the hare asked the tortoise to slow down. Problem is, there’s no telling when an adrenaline high is going to push one beyond the parameters of their proper pacing and, frequently it will be at such a time that my beloved’s out at work. When one attains or achieves a certain goal, they feel so chuffed about it that they begin to feel indefatigable.
Following that particular visit to the surgery I was sent up to the hospital for a full battery of blood tests from which only one reading (an adjunct to the ‘normal’ thyroid function test) showed anything abnormal but, not alarmingly so. The locum doctor (with whom I’d discussed the results) said, “just as you’ve seen a little progress this year, in managing the ME/CFS, perhaps you’ll see an equivalent improvement over the next three and a half years”!
It’s a slow journey but, I continue to live in hope.
*****
Apart from the aforementioned work in the garden, the primary consumer of my time has been of the computing variety; re-vamping websites, setting up an online print store and attempting (eventually successful) to troubleshoot sundry laptop problems. As an older laptop is now totally defunct, I decided to install its XP Pro OS onto another machine, hitherto running XP Home, which led to me having to re-install devices and drivers prior to replacing various software programmes. This exercise even had me starting my day earlier than has been the norm; the excitement and uncertainties encountered during the overall operation fought off the brains desire to rest, the mind buzzing overtime when I should have been sleeping.
Subsequent days saw my customary 10 ½ hours of bed rest extended to at least 12 hours, choice didn’t enter the equation!
*****
Model helicopter flying, and repairing, has only occupied a small amount of my time; my reserves of concentration are not sufficient to permit more than the occasional brief practise episode.
A surprise ‘phone call, shortly before I was due to emerge from my duvet lair last Friday, led to a rather thorough investigation of matters, religious, theological and philosophical, as well as personal, in what for me was a prolonged telephonic dialogue (approximately 1 hour duration). The excitement, of this somewhat exploratory conversation, somehow pushed my tiredness onto the backburner only to return with a vengeance later in the day.
By the evening, my mind was once more buzzing, theological ideas spewing forth like there was no tomorrow. Ideas for a little theological exposition abound, it’s quite simply (!) a question of organizing my time and stamina reserves; don’t hold your breath though, a little preliminary work involves clarifying the confusion between/about ‘values’ and ‘truth’ and the anachronistic approach of biblical literalists.
Friday, December 22, 2006
Malcolm's Christmas Message
This posting also appears on 'Hirsute Antiquity' and 'Mal's Murmurings'
*****************************************************
I just sit and look across the room, my beloved lost in thought, a slightly perplexed smile on her face as she ponders the words she’s typing. I smile to myself, a token of admiration coupled with adoration. Sometimes, I lose track of time as I simply contemplate ma belle’s visage; I enter a wonderful world of devotion and love. It seems strange that no matter how much in love I am, it continues to grow.
We’ve gradually completed the Christmas decorations and enter into the magic of the season. Most importantly, for all the gewgaws with which we surround ourselves, we remember that our real celebration is of a helpless child born to a teenage mum in an occupied state in the
Just as our Christmas lights and decorations transform the darkest time of the year; Jesus message was to turn the accepted values of the ruling elite on their head. Sadly, just like we put away the lights before twelfth night so, through the centuries, have some of the ruling elites served to restore the injustices which Jesus challenged, in the name of Christendom!
May the message of Peace On Earth and Goodwill To All Men be taken seriously in this twenty first century of the common era.
Just as my contemplation of my beloved gives me such a warm glow, so does the true meaning of Christmas.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
New Every Morning ... (afternoon and evening too!)
Today has been a real day of reckoning, nothing too catastrophic, just a stubborn body reacting to a change of routine. Having gone out for Supper / Dinner last evening, at Helen’s sisters (an event recorded under “Making A Meal of It” on Malcolm’s MySpace blog), my body clock seemed to get over-wound.
My old familiar pattern of restless nights made itself differently manifest; the usual routine is one of feeling really tired but, not being able to sleep at all readily. Last night I quite simply didn’t feel tired but, part of my ‘pacing’ involves keeping a more regular routine so, for a change I found myself laying in bed (accompanied by ma belle & radio 2) feeling alert rather than wrecked, but the same impatience was there as I waited for the Sandman to call.
I entered the new morning, none too belatedly, moderately alert and so, I felt pleased with the progress that I’ve been making. At lunchtime I prepared, from scratch, a couple of tandoori salmon fillets served with penne pasta topped with sautéed peppers, cherry tomatoes, mushrooms and peppers and, my beloved and I enjoyed every morsel.
Post lunch, the decline set in with feverishly burning eyes and aching limbs; the only solution was to take a twenty minute nap which, quite mysteriously, transformed itself into a lost couple of hours.
When we ventured out for a walk, the air felt quite clammily oppressive, (even though the temperature is considerably lower than that experienced last week) and my lower limbs became, once more, lead lined tubes of kapok as the brief brisk exercise somersaulted into a weary plod.
Having relaxed in a comfortable high-backed chair for the subsequent hour, a hint of energy is coursing steadily through my veins. If this steady momentum can be maintained, I may even venture into the kitchen to start preparations for tomorrow’s lunch.
The next step is always the most important one I’ll ever have to take! I rejoice and am glad in this day, and so life goes forward to overcome each regressive stage.
My old familiar pattern of restless nights made itself differently manifest; the usual routine is one of feeling really tired but, not being able to sleep at all readily. Last night I quite simply didn’t feel tired but, part of my ‘pacing’ involves keeping a more regular routine so, for a change I found myself laying in bed (accompanied by ma belle & radio 2) feeling alert rather than wrecked, but the same impatience was there as I waited for the Sandman to call.
I entered the new morning, none too belatedly, moderately alert and so, I felt pleased with the progress that I’ve been making. At lunchtime I prepared, from scratch, a couple of tandoori salmon fillets served with penne pasta topped with sautéed peppers, cherry tomatoes, mushrooms and peppers and, my beloved and I enjoyed every morsel.
Post lunch, the decline set in with feverishly burning eyes and aching limbs; the only solution was to take a twenty minute nap which, quite mysteriously, transformed itself into a lost couple of hours.
When we ventured out for a walk, the air felt quite clammily oppressive, (even though the temperature is considerably lower than that experienced last week) and my lower limbs became, once more, lead lined tubes of kapok as the brief brisk exercise somersaulted into a weary plod.
Having relaxed in a comfortable high-backed chair for the subsequent hour, a hint of energy is coursing steadily through my veins. If this steady momentum can be maintained, I may even venture into the kitchen to start preparations for tomorrow’s lunch.
The next step is always the most important one I’ll ever have to take! I rejoice and am glad in this day, and so life goes forward to overcome each regressive stage.
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