out of the kitchen and missing the heat

Although each hour, of each day, may seem to drag at present, it still amazes me how swiftly each year seems to pass. Most of the time each day has seemed to pass far to quickly, no sooner is one getting into it’s swing than tiredness sets in; gosh, I’m sounding like a real Grinch today.

The (current) absence of not only a functioning kitchen, but even sans kitchen sink, or even a single gas or electric hob, just seems to leave a hollow at the core of my being. Who would have thought that once, not too many years ago, I subsisted on a diet of predominantly microwaveable (so-called) meals; even in recent days, the cooking bug having for some time since had a hold of me, preparation has felt at times a chore too far, only reluctantly pursued. No working kitchen and an echoing void of proposed kitchen diner exuding its presence into the lounge, leaves one feeling achingly hollow.

I am indeed fortunate to have a roof over my head, a partner to love and be loved by, yet still I find temporary inconvenience a source of veering close to a state of reactive depression. It would be easy, of course, to blame my dispiritedness on my permanent condition of aches, pains, disorientation and unrefreshing sleep, which admittedly doesn’t help, but then I feel overwhelmed by guilt at my self pity. In a land where the government is determined to punish the poor, the  vulnerable and disabled in response to a crisis caused by their banker friends, what right have I to feel at all sorry for myself?    

hazed out days

Just a vague dull irritating ache throughout torso and limbs, feeling as if a detached “I” was looking on pityingly. For the past couple of days this seems to have been my exhaustingly shattered state of being, an exhaustion of mind and body, almost as if it’s payback for forcing myself out of bed after a mere 11 hours of intermittent unrefreshing sleep.

 I expect, and reluctantly accept, those cloying nausea inducing aches and pains, seemingly emanating from cervical and axillary lymph nodes. Familiarity has also enabled me to accept the more erratically intermittent acute pains in joints and muscles, which pain-killers can control to some degree.  Even the gnawing, discomforting, symptoms of IBS never seem quite as disconcerting as this seepage of hollow ache which seemed to embrace both psyche and soma.

Today, I at least feel awake and, I’ve managed to prepare a kedgeree for our main meal as well as a gently peppered chicken, peppers and mushroom casserole for Sunday and Monday’s lunch time. My halo has been polished once more. I’ve got to admit though that the slightly warmer weather does me no favours in terms of stamina; I only wish its enervating effect could be transformed into true relaxation, serving to ensure some long needed refreshing sleep.

At least I’ve managed in recent weeks to enjoy BBC4’s excellent coverage of Cardiff Singer of the Year, and by way of contrast, mentally grooving to ‘Jungle’ and Mark Ronson, amongst others, transmitted to our sitting room courtesy of the BBC. The sound of each event has been much enhanced via the SoundStage (a sound bar with built in sub-woofer) bought by my beloved for my recent 71^st birthday.

Hopefully - just a little phase I'm going through!

I really hate that sudden feeling of confusion, an un-preparedness to pursue that task or goal which, only a few moments before, you knew you were fully capable of fulfilling. It's not even anything out of the usual, perhaps even part of a regular routine, that suddenly becomes daunting. Even one's thoughts seem to be jumbled up, impossible to decipher. 

Quite a while since I last experienced that but, yesterday, it suddenly hit me and I can't even remember what the task was that I either completed or cancelled. At lunch-time today it seemed more like a panic attack as I began preparation for this evenings meal; I'm rather pleased with myself that I was able to continue despite a sense of emotional exhaustion.

Glands, at side of my neck and under my chin, have been feeling a kind of sharp bruised tenderness for a couple of days now whilst my eyes have reacted with extreme sensitivity, spasmodically and hopefully very temporarily, towards any light source -  a kind of sensory overload. Sudden waves of overwhelming exhaustion, as if something's achingly gnawing through my bones as well as muscles, serve to remind me of my quite routine state of being for months at a time during the past decade.

The bright side is that it has made me feel most grateful for a fairly sustained run of reasonably good days. I'm just hoping and praying that I'm not heading for a total relapse.

Of LIMITATIONS and ENJOYMENT

OF LIMITATIONS and ENJOYMENT

Middle of the night and nature called; an attempted leap out of bed became the more familiar slowly lumbering self removal only, this time, with added difficulties. For the past two or three days the back pains had all but disappeared, only the more regular  discomfort remaining in its stead but, now it seems to have returned with a vengeance. It’s strange how one’s own body delights in playing tricks; just when you think it safe, to carry out an effort of moderate exertion, it sends out a disconcerting alarm signal. If only that signal was as transient as that of an alarm clock, disappearing as soon as one taps the necessary button, there would not be a problem but, unfortunately, these signals are not of that peremptory nature which curtails one’s pursuit of the (unwittingly) harmful course of action. These signals always seem to arrive after the harm has been done, swiftly transmuting the alarm call into a sustained aggravation.

So, you may well wonder, what transgression had I committed against my ailing torso? All I’d been doing was carrying out a partial filter and water change in our largest aquarium, changing two of the filter pads and performing a less than 20% water change. I could (almost) swear that I carefully controlled my posture during the entire operation, to minimize the risk of detrimental health effects, but my body makes a different declaration.

Prior to that minor operation I’d made a visit, with my beloved chauffeuse, to the local aquarists to replenish necessary supplies. The journey is approximately 2 ½ miles but, as is becoming an increasingly common experience, it felt like a major expedition; even travelling at speeds which never exceed the legal limit, on primarily suburban roads, can seem  like  we’re exceeding Mach 1 – my body  crying out in reaction to the velocity at which we’re hurtling through space. 

The whole sensory overload experience seems once again, and most regrettably, to be edging its way into taking control of my lived experience. I’m just hoping and praying that I won’t tumble once again into that convulsively shattering realm.

Strange as it may seem, apart from the sundry ailments which posit substantial limitations on my activities, I do continue to enjoy life. The simple pleasure of observing, and encouraging, the flora and fauna of our garden is a wonderful joy bringer, second only to the presence of my beloved. As I’m no longer able to cope with cinema or theatre-going, the increasingly wide range of films available on DVD proves a real blessing. My enjoyment of cooking, provided a fair range of herbs and spices are to hand, is another source of pleasure, as is the consumption of the end product! I must admit that much of the time I don’t really feel unwell, sundry muscular and glandular aches and spasms have quite simply become an accepted component of normality; it’s only when i attempt to stretch my activity output that I’m quite forcefully reminded of my limitations.

********************

in case you missed yesterday's frivolous posting on 'Mal's Murmurings' I've repeated it here :

A Nation’s Addiction?

A radio news bulletin informs me that we’re becoming a nation of TV addicts, adding “according to a survey of viewers“!

They should try surveying non-viewers, only to discover that nobody ever watches TV in the UK!

 

still snacking after all these years

Difficult to know whether I'm recovering, and what I'm recovering from; I'm certainly feeling a little more comfortable than I was at the beginning of the week! Muscles in chest, shoulder and lower limbs still feel rather achily tender but, definitely more comfortable than they were at the weekend. I'm really feeling relaxed after this afternoon's acupuncture session, though not in any spaced-out sense and, actually enjoyed a bit of grocery shopping with ma belle before we dined this evening.

Doesn't the word "dined" sound rather glamorous, much more romantic than "had something to eat"? Actually it was a very lazy re-heat job, a Waitrose Indian meal for two - chicken jalfrezi, chicken makhani, aloo sag, naan bread and pilau rice. Although I often devise my own curry dishes, I rarely bother to make more than one variety (usually a hybrid one) of curry at any particular time, the extra variety in these lazy banquets is a rather enticing experience - like a super snack! Much as I enjoy cooking and occasionally - emotional stamina permitting - dining out, at heart I'm much more of a snacker than a substantial meal type of guy.

Now doesn't that all sound somewhat boring - even that's just the kind of guy I am!

Of Gardens Tweets and Banana Curry

A marked improvement in the weather has resulted in me spending much more time in the garden; a lot of necessary tidying up alongside new plantings and transplantings have been a component part of these open-air hours. Gardening aside, even more of the time has been spent simply observing avian, piscine and amphibian activity as well as watching flowers (both cultivated and natural varieties) grow. The gardening activity has in no small part been encouraged by the presence of ma belle amoureuse who has taken a few days leave (from her employment).These prolonged escapes, from the more cloistered hearth and home, account in part for the recent paucity of blog postings.

On top of these modest exertions I've even managed a few moderately brisk strolls around the neighbourhood; so far, much to my delight, I've even managed to avoid any relapse! After my familiar 10 - 11 hours of bedrest, having taken painkillers to deal with the routine painful spasms in the lower limbs whilst still abed, the days have passed quite smoothly.

I've always managed to squeeze in some time on the PC, on at least a daily basis, primarily to check e-mails and, follow through any links from those people that I follow on Twitter. Amazing how time consuming this latter activity can be but, I even manage to do a bit of tweeting of my own.

As ma belle has not been at work, it has made a pleasant change to do some cooking at lunchtime rather than in the evening. I even managed to devise a Banana & Green Pepper Curry on one of these occasions which turned out much better than I could have imagined.

The recipe (two servings) was roughly as follows:

3 large bananas, 1 medium sized onion, 1 medium sized green pepper, coriander powder (3 heaped teaspoons), cumin powder (1 level teaspoon), turmeric (l heaped teaspoon), tikka spices (1 heaped teaspoon), mixed herbs (1 level teaspoon), West Indian hot pepper sauce & extra virgin olive oil ( 2 tablespoons). Penne Pasta (7 oz)

Having peeled and sliced the bananas I added a generous dollop of hot pepper sauce (a kind of lazy marinade), left it to stand for ten minutes.

I preheated the spices in a frying pan, to release the aromas, before adding the olive oil and swiftly sauteed the onion (sliced into rings). After a couple of minutes throw in the sliced green pepper stirring all the time. Finally threw in the sliced banana and simmered for about seven minutes.

This unusual curry was served on a bed of wholegrain penne pasta.

Following that experimental cook, which we both thoroughly enjoyed, today we settled for a simple meal of yellowfin tuna steaks, served with new potatoes, broccoli, leeks and french beans.

As time is so pressing for us OAPs - I must apologize for this abrupt conclusion!

 

A Patronizing Post

An eventful day, by the standards of yours truly; having roused myself into a state of semi-alertness, after a mere 10 ½ hours bed rest, I girded up my loins to venture into town. At least ma belle chauffeuse found a reasonably convenient parking spot before we ambled our way down to the Christmas Fayre at Wesley Chapel. It was really heart-warming to find that many of the stalls were making funds for worthwhile causes, Save The Children, Traidcraft, Palestinian handicrafts and, even a stall selling hand-made greetings cards for which the proceeds were going to support work in Nigeria. I’m not really one for buying at Christmas Fayres but, as I’m certainly in favour of supporting these causes, I set aside my usual reservations.

As we made our way back through town it was good to see a Ladies Morris Team dancing outside of the shopping centre, a really festive touch, as well as one or two talented buskers. So frequently the combination of the words talent and busker can seem paradoxical.

After lunch, my beloved suggest we patronize one of the local clothes shops so, I duly intended to say, “What brave souls you are, struggling on in the local community, boldly standing your ground against e-commerce and out of town retail parks!”, but then I thought that this would be too patronizing. Deep down, I had suspected that my beloved meant to make a purchase at this local shop; oh the ambiguities of the word patronize. Ma belle’s attention was swiftly drawn to an outfit that had caught her eye when it formed part of the window display a few weeks ago. The problem of finding a present for the lady who is privileged to be my spouse was resolved in one fell swoop.

After each of these forays, it was really good to slump back into a comfortable supporting armchair! Not for some time, has so much been accomplished, by this stoical wimp, within such a relatively short time span.

Come late afternoon, it was time to metaphorically don my chef’s hat and make preparations for tomorrow’s dinner. Firstly I sliced some chicken breast fillets, onions and peppers, and prepared an olive oil based paste of coriander, paprika, cumin, turmeric, and garlic in the bottom of the wok. Once this was sizzling threw in the onion rings, to be followed by the sliced peppers and chicken. A few sliced mushrooms were thrown into the mix for good measure. After a bit of vigorous stirring, decided to mix a miso solution (my beloved having just excavated a jar of miso in the course of a very belated spring clean); this, with a generous sprinkling of dried basil added, was duly poured into the wok and left to simmer.

The contents of the wok have now been dispersed into two casserole dishes, ready to be popped into the oven on Sunday and Monday respectively. And now, I’m lost in wonder, love and praise as I watch Helen prepare a posting for her Bright Light blog.

Downsizing

The sun shone once again today; so infrequent have been its visits of late that I thought it worth a mention. A reasonably leisurely start to the day was only slightly marred by a parcel delivery, before 9.00am, which necessitated a swift donning of dressing gown to cover my birthday suit (I have no desire to make callers envious of my wonderful physique)! Of course my beloved had already been scooting around and, at that time, was out doing the weeks major grocery shop, hence the delivery’s intrusion on my much needed bed rest.

Having received the parcel, I re-immersed myself in the duvet lair; it didn’t take too long for me to find further respite in the arms of Morpheus. When I re-awakened, my beloved provided a little sustenance (in the form of a bacon sandwich) to break my nocturnal fast then, after checking e-mails on my PC, I performed a little low key pottering about in the garden. Meantime, my beloved was finalising her preparations for the service she’ll be taking tomorrow at Harlow Hill chapel.

As the afternoon progressed, and after a couple of years hesitant consideration, I thought it may be time to go and have a look at some micro hi-fis. Unlike several previous such excursions, this visit ended up in making a purchase; for some considerable time I’d considered my Hi-Fi system was occupying too much space in the living-room so, it has now been transferred (after disconnecting sundry leads from its six components and the speakers) to a less used room upstairs. The re-assembly will take place in due course, once sufficient resources of stamina can be drawn upon.

Once the new system had been set up, and a further meal consumed, it was time for me to begin preparations for tomorrow’s lunch. I always enjoy the aromas of the various spices and herbs I chuck into the griddle pan as I give them a pre-heat. The main dish having been prepared (or perhaps pre-prepared), I put on a Lucinda Williams CD as accompaniment to the mid-evening relaxation and, an opportunity to play with my new toy.

Aches and perspiration pale into insignificance besides my rejoicing in this day the Lord has made.

A Tale of Aquatics, Compost and Comestibles

After a not so unusual sluggish start to the day, incorporating bacon and eggs delivered to the bedside by ma belle Helen, I eventually entered the active world. Early afternoon, we ventured down to the local Brewer’s Fayre for dinner before heading off to the garden and water-garden centre.

Having purchased a container, described as a terrace pond, which we’ve located amongst the planted containers in the gravelled area of the garden, I set about transferring a couple of lilies from the garden pond which was becoming somewhat overcrowded. I appreciate that it’s not really the appropriate time for such a transplant, two flowers having just passed their best but, both plants have new shoots under way.

Aquatic tasks completed and adrenalin still surging, I sought out further garden tasks (admittedly there’s never really a shortage of gardening chores) whilst flesh as well as spirit both seemed willing. I’d thought for a while about re-siting the compost bin and, after a brief struggle (ably assisted by my beloved) managed to remove it from its entire contents, the ripest compost to be dispersed around various areas of the garden. Having re-sited the bin, the residue of its content was duly returned along with an adequacy of worms.

Once I’d demolished a nourishing supply of sandwiches, for my tea, a little rest time was called for but, by 9.00pm I felt inspired to set about preparations for Sunday dinner. The resultant dish is a rather special chicken curry, utilizing my own individual selection of spices; of course I’m trusting that the finger lickings from the griddle pan, in which the bulk of the meal was prepared, are a true and honest reflection of this impending delight!

A Hard Rain's Gonna Fall

A day of food and thunder, comestibles and hailstones, donner und blitzen and, quelling the stomach’s rumble. Though much of the morning was spent in the duvet realm, a mid-morning glimpse of alertness was fuelled by bacon and black pudding prepared by my beloved. My sole exercise was provided by a visit to the local shops at lunchtime, to pander to my nicotine craving. The chilling icy wind, on this brief excursion, proferred no clues as to subsequent meteorological events.

On return from the shop I set to preparing a salmon and pepper savoury rice dish, to share with my beloved. After a brief interval, allowing the meal to be properly digested, my thoughts returned to food. This time, preparation of a casserole for Sunday lunch was the priority. First, I sweated a generosity of onions in paprika, turmeric, ginger and garlic imbued olive oil, before adding four chicken breasts to the equation. More lashings of paprika and ginger were called for, as the chicken sizzled, before adding a generous portion of red and green peppers, sliced mushrooms and, having diced the sizzling breasts with a wooden spatula, a tin of plum tomatoes, to the mix. Of course, it’s impossible for me to utilize plum tomatoes without adding lots of freshly ground black pepper to the mix, so the act was dutifully performed.

Midway through these preparations, a peal of thunder proved a little distracting, especially as it followed the lightning flash within a second. The lightning strikes were obviously quite localized, so a disconnecting of the TV aerial was called for, before heading back to the kitchen. Transfer all ingredients from griddle pan into a couple of casserole dishes and top them up with some chicken and vegetable gravy. Finally, I popped the casseroles into a medium heat oven to simmer for a while, before transporting myself to the living room.

All the while torrential rain was much in evidence, and this suddenly transformed into hailstones which seemed intent on finding a way to break through the double glazing. At the moment we’re feeling quite under siege, hemmed in by howling winds, hailstones, and a thunderstorm.

All that remains to do is turn up the fire, open a decent bottle of wine and, catch up on some videos or DVD’s – but perhaps a little snack will also be in order!

Meantime, the thought occurs to me that the garden pond was already close to the point of overflow before this latest downpour. I trust that the fish are safely ensconced amidst the planters and clay pipes at the bottom of the pond; I’d hate to think of them getting washed away!

From rude alert to joined-up dots

The new day dawned brusquely, disturbing my beauty sleep, at the shockingly early hour of 9.00AM. Way past the real dawn, I suspect, but that's the hour when a strident telephone bell broke through the bonds of Morpheus. Yes, you've guessed it, the 'phone call wasn't even for me. My beloved had departed for work some time earlier I guess, the cup of coffee left by the side of the bed was stone cold - that was the clue and, wouldn't you know the call was for ma belle. To make matters worse, I had a message to scribble down and, both pen and paper were elsewhere in the house. With half-open eyes, I stumbled my way to the location of the writing utensils and, almost forgot why I needed them in the process!

An hour or so later, after a little rest, I finally struggled down the stairs, popped the stony beverage into the microwave, switched on the PC to check my e-mails, consumed the re-heated beverage, then made my way down to Open Church for a chat with the poor unsuspecting souls. Quite surprisingly, my lower limbs were in good fettle and, I really enjoyed the stroll both there and back on a beautifully crisp sunshiny morning.

The afternoon was treatment time, although in some ways it felt like pampering, as I underwent another acupuncture session. As I relaxed, it felt as if I was reclaiming my body - joining up the dots. By the time the treatment was over, I felt both relaxed and sufficiently refreshed to prepare a tuna pasta as soon as Helen returned from work. As usual, the meal was excellent; seems like I'm (happily) stuck with this creative chore!

A Ghastly Shade of Pale

After a lazy start to the day, the only tasks I had to perform before lunch were to pop the curry into the oven to simmer before preparing the accompanying rice with lavishings of turmeric, garlic, garam masala and the odd dried herb. As Helen had a meeting following on from the morning service at Wesley, it meant that the meal was almost ready, to put out on the table, by the time she arrived home.

The Madras variant curry proved a great success, an ideal combination of heat and flavour with a subtle underlying sweetness. The combination of spices, intuitively selected and proportioned, that I heated up on the griddle pan at the start of preparations yesterday afternoon, certainly worked their magic. The culinary gods certainly had smiled on me once more – and through it all I remained my usual modest self.

During the afternoon, we decided to catch up on a couple of TV programmes we’d recently recorded but, midway through our little viewing session, I was overwhelmed by the most discomforting fatiguing sensation. From feeling OK to a state of utter debilitation, in the course of a few minutes, is an extremely scary experience. Unusually for me, with my failing body thermostat generally leading to chronic overheating, I had to wrap myself in a warm blanket whilst lying down. The worst of the sensation had passed within forty minutes but, as this was the most rapid onset state of exhaustion experienced recently, it still proved a most disconcerting event. I felt as if every last bit of colour had been bleached out of my complexion, a feeling later confirmed to have been correct from my wife’s eyewitness perspective.

For some strange reason, I found myself apologizing to Helen for my turning such a ghastly shade of pale; I really should exercise a little more self-control! All I can do for the present is take it easy but, I’d assumed that was my total lifestyle!

Setbacks apart, I am still able to rejoice in this day the Lord has made and, especially the pleasure of my beloved’s presence. I really must be one of the most fortunate people in the world, to be loved and able to love in return; I have little need for more.

************************************************

This posting is a sequel to Spacious Time, which was posted yesterday on 'Mal's Murmurings'.

The Art of Fusion

A pungent melee of aromas fills the air; coriander, cumin, garlic, turmeric, ginger, chilli, tikka & garam masala powders prepare to assault the senses. The master chef (well at least yours truly) is at it again with preparations for Sunday lunch. Once the heat has released this pungency, a dash of oil to the griddle-pan serves as a starting pistol and, let the good times roll! Simultaneously, my aural space is flooded with the Kansas City strains of Jay McShann, as I swiftly chop the peppers, mushrooms, onions, broccoli and other goodies before they taste the searing heat.

Once the onion’s sweated, and the other vegetables have searingly absorbed some of the spice, the lean minced beef hisses on the griddle, and swiftly integrates itself with the vegetarian accoutrements. As it sizzles, I add a further generous dollop of crushed garlic and then a tin of plum tomatoes, swiftly smothered in freshly ground black pepper before chopping and crushing with a spatula. There follows the lazy bit as I stir in a jar of Rogan Josh sauce, allowing it all to simmer to perfection.

Having transferred the magical concoction into two casserole dishes, to stand until tomorrow lunchtime before their long slow simmer, Helen and I race each other to finger out the residual sauce from the griddle pan, pass it to the mouth and, appreciate the tingle at the back of the tongue!


A later posting for today, 'A Spell on the Garden', can be found on Mal's Murmurings.

To the kitchen and back

I just don’t know where the day has gone and yet, it has at times seemed interminable. When I eventually emerged from the duvet lair, just after mid-day, I discovered a bright sunshiny day beaming in at me, as I slumped on the sofa, whilst the radio babbled it’s accompaniment to my day.

I managed a degree of concentration for ‘The Saturday Play: The Bitter Pill’ (Radio 4), in spite of a marked degree of discomfort. An odd combination of sinus ache, indigestion and, aching arms struggled to distract me but, I persevered.

Shortly after 4.00pm, I thought it was time to start my preparations for Sunday Lunch but, this effort was swiftly curtailed as, having struggled to chop an onion, I found it well nigh impossible to cope/ co-ordinate my fingers whilst attempting to deseed and slice the peppers. At this point, I yielded to my bodies demand for rest and, swiftly fell asleep on the sofa. A couple of hours later I returned to the kitchen and prepared a Chicken Chasseur related dish; after the earlier difficulties, my sense of achievement feels all the greater.