A transformative event

 

Just wish I could find a pre-emptive strategy for these sudden onset bouts of painful exhaustion, it’s not as if I can lay the blame on over exertion. I’d had a quite lazy restful day today, apart from an unduly early morning waking, from my fitful slumbers, as the hound expressed an urgent need to utilize the garden! I was able to get back into bed within ten minutes but, it seemed like an eternity before I was able to resume my slumbers. When I did finally emerge from the duvet realm there seemed little option other than a very restful day.

 

Around 18.30 hours, a painful tiredness enveloped me; it’s almost impossible to determine which came first, the weary tiredness or the pains in upper limbs and feet. A not unfamiliar gnawing discomfort from the armpits served to induce feelings of nausea and a few shouted expletives caught the snoozing hound quite unawares, although he did quite quickly proffer me his paw and snuggled up closer to me. The discomfort dissipated, of its own volition(?) as I listened to Sibelius ‘The Wood Nymph’, at the opening of tonight’s Prom broadcast on BBC4 before I was fully awakened by the vocal dexterity of soprano Anu Komsi in a newly commissioned piece, from Laura Poe, ‘Laulut maaseudulta’.  The soprano’s performance reminded me of the excitement I felt when I first discovered Cathy Berberian’s vocal gymnastics in the 1960s. A transformative moment.

A Walking Talking Aching Conundrum

Confusion mounts but, is it the result of tiredness or of excruciating pain, does it stem from extreme exhaustion or intense nauseating discomfort. The evidence is difficult to decipher, in fact the evidence posits itself as the dilemma! Quite frequently the sundry pain and discomforts, especially those in the limbs, seemed to attack just at the point when a temporary exhaustion sets in but, on closer observation I have realised that the exhaustion, or a sudden loss of stamina, follows from my struggling with both aching discomfort as well as more acute pain.

There seems to be an obvious correlation between pain and tiredness but, it also tends to be a classic chicken or egg type dilemma. Recently, what I seem to have been experiencing is an excruciating (pain of) tiredness which may precede or follow bouts of the following kind. The experience, rather than pain, is as if, feet, legs, arms don’t belong to the torso but produce a kind of nauseating discomfort/dis-ease! For longer than I care to remember, my reaction to a randomly occurring hollow ache in the armpits has been one of nausea.

The armpit discomfort, at times, seemed to ease when I discarded my fleece or cardigan, donning a poncho in their place. At other times, an almost contradictory process brought temporary alleviation of the symptoms, namely donning a shoulder support which seated itself firmly in the armpit. So, a freeing up of pressure or applying additional pressure to the aching area, at different times provided relief from the same symptom.

A sudden onset acute pain, in feet, knees, wrists and/or elbows may occur during the day, immediately diminishing my concentration on whatever minor task I’ve been involved in. These symptoms may also occur as I lie in bed at night although, at those times restless legs become the major problem. A combination of low dose amitriptyline (30mg) with 50 or 100 mg of tramadol seems to prevent the restless legs kicking in but, I have no desire to become reliant on the tramadol dosage. In the case of joint pain, a combination of applying elastic supports to the affected points preceded by a generous smearing with ibuprofen gel, gradually diminishes the more acute discomfort.

By this point, you may well think that I’m a physical wreck and, I’d be tempted to agree with you. I still feel blessed that I have access to lots of good music on vinyl, CDs, and airwaves, and movies on DVD, which enable me to enjoy life, pushing the chronic aches and pains away from their dominance of my mindset. It’s strange how a sudden sharp sound, a pan lid falling, a door slammed shut etc. can produce a chest crushing bodily response, I am still able to take musical climaxes in my stride.

Patient's Progress

Emotional resilience remains with me, apart from minor daytime lapses and nocturnal responses to my own unique brand of peripheral neuropathy. These nocturnal skin flaying, burning, tingling, claustrophobic sensations seem to afflict my whole psychosomatic being with expletive laden outbursts and foot stomps around the bedroom whilst my beloved sleeps contentedly.

Perhaps I should explain that the symptoms afflicting my whole being are, superficially at least, only being felt on the upper parts of my toes. The claustrophobia represents these pitiful digits' need to escape the confines of any bed-linen and / or duvet! There just doesn’t seem to be any chance of finding a comfortable position for the lower limbs, in order to settle down to sleep. Sundry intermittent discomforts play havoc with the bodies need for rest yet, quite strangely, by the time my beloved is waking from her slumbers I’m able to relax sufficiently to enter the Land of Nod!

Sudden onset daytime bouts of exhaustion are currently in the ascendant, frequently accompanied by wrist, elbow and knee pains demanding application of sundry splints and supports, which seem to simultaneously ease the nausea inducing tenderness emanating from axillary lymph nodes. Painkillers are then required as, once again, I’ve failed to divine that a pre-emptive dose would have been in order!

Ma belle frequently feels frustrated, and even guilty, by her inability to alleviate the intense discomfort that I quite frequently experience; I know that my suffering would be far greater without the experience of love and care for each other through which I am truly blessed.

What goes around ...

First, (or at least at a randomly selected point on the arc of unwellness), the eyelids struggle against the gravitational pull, an overwhelming ache through sinuses and tingling cheeks; I finally admit my weakness and go to lie down on the sofa. By this time I acknowledge a need for a couple of strong pain-killers, as well as wrist and palm supports. The dull throbbing ache in the wrist seems to transmit a negative signal to the armpits and axillary lymph nodes.

Next, an extremely discomforting, nausea inducing, hollow ache begins; it feels as if it floats on a leaden bed which wraps around the upper inner arms. I squirm and mutter distraught moans, squeeze upper arms tightly against my torso. Within a few minutes the squirming becomes even more intolerable; what next?

Turn onto my left side, interlock my fingers, lift the heel of the right hand into the other hands palm; back of the right hand bonily supports my left cheek. Further agitated juxtapositions of hands, arms, torso, perform an erratic ritualistic dance. Eventually the nausea eases, tenderness of lymph nodes, and discomforted wrists, decide to keep me company a little while longer.

For now things are easier, just the usual niggles; it would be nice to think it won’t happen again but, unfortunately, it’s never too far away.

CLOCKWATCHING

Strange how putting the clock back an hour can make one feel capable of regaining time; if only! To be honest though, it’s the very fleetingness of time that I’m still struggling to come to terms with.

As a child it feels as if the next summer holiday, Christmas Day, or even the weekend, can’t ever come soon enough. Confined to the schoolroom, the hours of each day hang leadenly as you watch real life going on at the other side of the window. Mind you this slower passage of time also provided greatly extended hours of play, leaving one exhausted long before the day was done.

These days, after a long night’s unrefreshing sleep and restlessness, that state of exhaustion seems to accompany almost any small task; perhaps it’s not really exhaustion but rather an aching void replacing that illusive space where stamina reserves should be accumulated.

When one’s sundry aches and pains are playing neurological havoc it’s easier to understand the lack of stamina but, this physically aching void doesn’t even seem to require these more tangible ailments. Mind you the IBS, diverticular disease, rhinitis etc; are always lurking just below the surface.

The lower my stamina reserves, the tetchier I become and, whatever reserves are there explode in bursts of angry expletives. I don’t deny that I’ve always had a bit of a temper, the outbursts often justifiable on socio-political grounds, but the frequency of expletives in my occasional outbursts seems to have grown exponentially. Anger stems from frustration, frustration from limitations on both physical and emotional stamina.The truly ridiculous thing is that these outbursts leave me feeling more drained.

Although these aching voids can sometimes feel like an eternal punishment, days (and even years) have passed by so swiftly, as if to emphasize the weight of spiritually / emotionally good days I must be having. Any day spent with my beloved is wonderfully worthwhile, even if I’m not always the best of company.

So little time, and so much I want or intend to do. I’ve put the clocks back but, sadly, I cannot put back time.

Moany Moany not Mony Mony

"Which way do I turn?" and "dare I turn?"; these related questions come to the fore at erratically scattered instants of day or night. In the past few days, tortuous pains have danced from left side of the back (a hollow bruising ache just below the shoulder blade, as if one was undergoing a sequence of blows from a felt coated lead lump hammer) to a more acute nagging pain in the left side of the back just above hip level. These sensations tend to overlap with a more constantly recurring gnawing ache just under the rib cage and, other old familiars returning with a vengeance. 

 A nausea inducing throbbing pain, on the inner side of the upper left arm - accompanied by a tenderness in the armpit, frequently prevents my attaining an appropriate period of rest during the night. As exhaustion overtakes me mid-afternoon, a gnawing ache, occasionally becoming more acute, in wrists and elbows necessitates the donning of wrist splints (both arms) and the taking of additional pain killers.Today, this discomfort in upper limbs vied for honours with a throbbing pain around the knees which seemed to ease slightly with the donning of elastic supports.

 A sensation of giddy light-headedness, alongside not infrequent griping reminders of my IBS and diverticular problems, does little to help me feel at ease. Despite all the above, I did manage to enjoy a celebratory lunch at The Park yesterday for our wedding anniversary but, even that didn't come payback free!

On Time, Joys, and minor Tribulations

I’ve asked it before, and it’s equally puzzling now but, just where does all the time go? I’m not talking physics or metaphysics, but rather that constant source of bemusement - to yours truly - that hours, days, months and years all pass so swiftly that I’m unable to find the time to even get started on any of the multiple tasks or projects I’ve been considering.

 

I deem myself very fortunate that I can still manage to appreciate, with an almost constant sense of wonder, that there is something rather than nothing; I still feel quite awestruck when I gaze at the panoply of stars in the night sky and contemplate the vast distances and time through which these illuminations occur. I am always amazed by the sheer variety of flora and fauna even within the constraints of our back garden.

 

It was wonderful to experience a few days of sunshine, and reasonable warmth, after the somewhat protracted spell of wintry weather; I even managed to do a little pottering about in the garden and extracted, with the aid of a PondVac, some of the aromatic mud deposit from the garden pond.

 

I also enjoyed sitting  and relaxing outdoors observing the avian activity. On one afternoon, having just watched a Red Kite gracefully riding the thermals above our garden, I noticed a few Redpolls visiting the Nyjer seed feeder – a first for our garden!

 

 

 

Last Thursday morning I attended the dermatology unit at Harrogate District Hospital for some minor surgery and, after several hold-ups en route, it was wonderful to get into the surgery on time. The whole procedure, preparation for and excision of a basal cell carcinoma from my chest (up towards the shoulder) and a biopsy sample taken from a lesion on my leg, took around forty-five minutes.

 

Unlike the time a carcinoma was excised from my back, when the dressing was kept in situ for several days and the stitches removed after 14 days, on this occasion I was told to remove the dressing after twenty-four hours and the ten external stitches to be removed after 10 days but, the one stitch on my lower limb is not be removed until 14 days have passed. I have to treat the wound two or three times a day with soft yellow paraffin which tends to adhere to my shirt or pyjama jacket. They also provided spare dressings for the small leg wound which is also protected by a tubular bandage from toes to knee.

 

I must admit that the chest/shoulder wound still feels somewhat tender and I’m having to be careful that I don’t stretch to reach anything with my left arm. Apart from that, I’m pretty well my usual frequently shattered self.

normality may be resumed ...

 

Back to normality; these days I’m somewhat at a loss when trying to describe what is normal for me. At what point on the scale (and intensity) of regular aches, pains and general discomfort, lies my norm? Pain free days are a fondly remembered experience, albeit never fully appreciated at the time but, rather taken for granted.

 

Last weekend, feeling a lot more at ease and alert than I had done for some considerable time, I carried out a few extra tasks on the Saturday and was relieved to have an equally good, although more restful, day on the Sunday. Tuesday and Wednesday were the days I suffered payback, from the weekend’s exertion; almost all parts of torso and limbs took pleasure in competing for the max discomfort trophy. Shatteredly de-energized, all became a struggle; it even seemed to require a tremendous effort of willpower to enable me to partake of a little light dietary sustenance.

 

Thankfully, that more extreme discomfort has eased and I’m now back to that elusive norm, where I’m able to concentrate on whatever I’m listening to, observing or reading. Perhaps that is what I should take to be my norm; those days when the gift of concentration is restored/present; the rest is simply passing time!

 

Watching the Red Kite riding the thermals, in clear view from my comfortable armchair, at times circling low down over the top end of the garden, brought a little brightness to a drearily grey gloomy day. And once again I celebrate the joy of being here and now, privileged in being loved and ready to share that love, in what can sometimes be a cruel and heartless world, ruled by greed and self-interest

 

I really must count my blessings!

just as I am - and do not wish to be

Tuesday morning I removed myself from the duvet lair bright and early, feeling unusually alert and refreshed. It was only later in the day that I started to suffer for this foolhardiness, as I became a totally shattered wreck, and I’m still struggling – four and a half days later - to regain my usual familiarly limited reserves of stamina.

Headaches, giddiness, muscular pains and spasms, tenderness in armpits and under the chin, a bruised feeling around the ribcage alongside a sore throat and roof of the mouth, such have been the rewards for my carelessness.

To be perfectly honest, I suspect the ‘early morning’ was simply the carelessly thrown match landing on a tinder pile which would have self-combusted sooner or later.

Another bout of perspiration, suddenly oozing from forehead, chest and arms, seems to prefigure a renewed surge of shattered exhaustion. Frustration swiftly follows as I teeter on the brink of despair, feebly yielding to a flow of tears; a plenitude of gnawing aches destroys any semblance of composure.

of needles and needless worries

The physiotherapist called again on Wednesday afternoon, as promised, to administer a gentle treatment with the magic needles whilst I sat in a chair, rather than my usual supine position. At first I found it more difficult to relax whilst seated but, as I practised a few breathing exercises, I soon overcame this little obstacle. By the time the practitioner was ready to remove the needles I felt wrapped in a gently warm glow of relaxation.

On Thursday I felt even more achingly tired than usual; incidentally this kind of minor setback, on the day following acupuncture treatment, is quite regularly experienced by yours truly, the benefits usually start to be felt around 48 hours after the treatment. Although feeling totally shattered when I went to bed that night, multiple discomforts, in armpits, forearms and torso prevented me from getting any sleep before 3.00am and, even then it only visited me in brief intermittent snatches.

By the time I freed myself from the duvet realm, on Friday morning, I was surprised to feel reasonably refreshed, all the better to face another day of minimal exertion. In the afternoon I managed a visit to Café Culture with my beloved; this neighbourhood café, a few minutes strolling time from home, has proved a real godsend.

On Saturday morning we were anticipating an early afternoon visit from six Southerners plus our eldest daughter Beth. I’ve got to admit that the prospect seemed quite daunting. For the past several years, I have had great difficulty coping with any kind of claustrophobic hospitality but, in the event I needn’t have worried. For some reason (unbeknown to yours truly) I was on quite scintillating form; by way of a bonus, it was also the first full-day that I’d survived, for some considerable time, without having to resort to painkillers*.

It was only this afternoon that I recognized the latter achievement, as I passed an afternoon in state of totally exhausting shatteredness; this extreme discomfort is a far from atypical reaction to any previous days socializing, regardless of that activities duration or intensity.

* a sign that the acupunctures benefits had well and truly kicked in?

A Delicate Balance

This has been a week of teetering on the edge, a time when both persistently nagging, and spasmodically intermittent, physical aches and pains have been accompanied by a lack of refreshing sleep. This unsettling routine has really started to play havoc with my already fragile state of emotional stability. One would think that as months and years pass by it would become increasingly easy (and certainly necessary) to come to terms with / accept the health-imposed limitations upon ones ability to socialize. For much of the time, this has seemed to be the case (for me) but recent days have found me frequently erupting into unprompted floods of tears, probably in response to an excruciating sense of exhaustion alongside a more vaguely defined sense of futility.

It only requires a small trigger to set these eruptions in motion, especially when one spends far too many hours enjoying / enduring one's own company. Yesterday afternoon should have seen a visit from my physio, to administer the acupuncture treatment but, late morning found me awoken from my somnolent state by a 'phone call from this practitioner to re-arrange the appointment as her fresh supply of needles had not arrived. Had I not already been feeling discomfortedly vulnerable I wouldn't have given the matter a second thought but, on this occasion, it simply served to exacerbate my physical and emotional frailty. My beloved returned home from work to be greeted by a blubbering, sleep-deprived, emotional wreck, and persuaded me to try to arrange an appointment with my GP.

This morning, just as ma belle was preparing to drop me off at Open Church, the doorbell rang and it was a pleasant surprise to find my friend Katie there. Katie and I went down to Open Church, for a cuppa and a chat, whilst my beloved set off for the Acorn Centre (where she's a volunteer helper on the computer course). Just the fact of being with company has a certain healing power and, Katie herself had just been feeling a similar need for company and a change of environment. This morning's event served as a beautiful counterbalance to yesterday's upset over the cancellation of my acupuncture appointment.

The Guilt Thing rears its head!

Just wish I could get over this guilt thing, it's getting worse if anything! For health reasons the majority of my social and political campaigning is done online, rarely do I have sufficient stamina to get out to attend vigils and / or meetings and, each time I receive notification of such events the guilt intensifies. It's almost as if I feel guilty for having a chronic health condition.

Of course it was with a great sense of relief I attained state pension age in 2009; having been dependent upon receiving benefits, for which one had to crawl and squirm through prohibitive hoops and obstacles, for a few years prior to that (following on from a reasonably productive period of working life which started when I left school in 1960) it was refreshing to receive my pension entitlement without having to perform such degrading gymnastics.

My greatest pleasure is derived from the familiar environs of home and garden, managing to do a little painting and writing when physical and emotional stamina permit as well as taking photos and videos of the garden's flora and fauna*. Stamina levels are frequently sufficient to manage the cooking, a wonderful creative outlet, and I am also fortunate in being able to cope with infrequent brief visits into town and even, on occasion, enjoying a dining out experience.

I suppose the guilt has intensified over the last few days, when I have become more aware of my limitations whilst attempting to care for ma belle who has had a rather rough week health-wise. If she hadn't been so unwell, there's no way that I could have persuaded her that she wasn't fit enough to go to work, or attend a church executive meeting; her great ability is to push through the barriers of exhaustion in order that she should not let anybody down.

 Admittedly, there was a time when I could quite happily burn the candle at both ends, whereas I now find the same candle frequently splutters itself out whilst so much remains to be done.

Most recently, I'd really love to attend the midnight vigil, being held this Saturday at Menwith Hill (USA spy base) just a few miles from our home, to mark 20 years of conflict in Iraq (1991 - 2011). Recent days have found me in bed by half-past eight in the evening, emerging from the duvet lair some 14 or 15 hours later, so attendance at this vigil is far from being practicable.

An attempt at a minor task of DIY, erecting a small bracket on masonry in our new porch for a Solar Sensor Light, resulted in the most frustrating failure. If I can't even manage to drill and plug a couple of holes succesfully, even being wearily overwhelmed in the attempt, my presence at any event is unlikely to be felt or missed!

________________________________________

* PS new visitors to our garden this week included Waxwings and Fieldfares - unfortunately both species proved a little camera shy (or maybe I was just too slow getting off my backside)!

Too tired to relax

After a couple of almost sleepless nights I have now managed, with the aid of pre-emptive painkillers, to get two successive relatively comfortable sleep enriched nights. Perhaps the "enriched" word is putting it a bit strong, even though theoretically it should prove a blessing.

Although that should have compensated for the preceding sleep-deprived nights, exhaustion seems to be the persistent companion to my waking hours. Ten minutes of magazine or web browsing, in fact anything other than idle inattentiveness, induces a state of heavily lidded eyes, and the consequent decision; do I allow myself to drift off into full snooze mode or do I resist the bodies apparent yearning?

I know that if I allow myself to catnap it will outstay its welcome, then there's a fair chance it will interfere with the later attempt to get a decent nights sleep. If I resist, I'll spend the next half-hour or more in a kind of shuddering wakefulness; it's so strange that the very flesh which so frequently overheats in cooler conditions now seems to shiver whilst the ambient temperature is considerably warmer.

Somehow, it seems as if tiredness militates against relaxation!

Dis-Concentration

My ability to concentrate is currently somewhat erratic; this has been an intermittently recurring problem during the past six or seven years. Exhaustion affects one mentally as well as physically but, it also appears to be unrelated to any exertion, or lack of same, on my part. Having had considerable periods of remission, from the more disabling aspects of my illness, has resulted in an increased level of frustration when stamina levels take a dive; this sense of frustration, in it's turn, seems to militate further against my reserves of concentration.

Quite remarkably, alongside this frustration I'm feeling reasonably content with my situation, when I'm able to hold back on tetchiness! I feel blessed in having such a loving and caring family, a comfortable home, good food and drink; what more could I wish for? Although the question's rhetorical, it would be wonderful if I could reduce my bed-rest requirement without feeling shattered mid-way through the remaining hours of (what I would like to be) active life.

Normal Out Of Kilter Wellness

I'm woken with a start; on this occasion the doorbell seems to have gained some decibels. My head spins giddily. I try again to lift myself but my torso's having none of it. A heavy thump; it's obvious whatever was to be delivered has now been duly deposited. Amazing how wide the letter box jaws can extend; my head falls back those elevated few inches onto the pillow. Look at the clock, the digital display reads 10.30. It certainly doesn't seem like twelve hours since I retired to the bedchamber. I have scarcely a memory of my beloved departing for work, even though she never goes out without a kiss and a cuddle but, that will have been three hours ago.

Ma belle is blessed with the gift of sound sleep, as opposed to my fitful variety. It requires a definite effort of will power to remove myself from the duvet realm and, in response my lower limbs refuse to obey me, as if some alloy of lead and jelly holds back my attempt at free movement. The leaden jelly feels sharply bruised alongside their hollow emptiness. My ears ache and pop, my eyelids resist the attempt to keep open but the show must go on.

I manage to put on shirt, pants and slacks before the effort exhausts me; I almost feel sorry for myself as I lay back on the bed.Trouble is, with any chronic illness, it's hard to tell whether this is simply part of my normal out of kilter wellness or am I unwell. Generally, I'm enjoying a pretty good remission from some of the most disabling aspects of M.E. although far from regaining my former levels of comfortable healthiness.

I'm now a little puzzled about why I bothered getting dressed as I cross the landing to the bathroom, put on the wall heater and ready myself for a shower; that's when a fresh bout of nauseous giddiness kicks in as my lower limbs go into a kind of spasm. Steady myself against the sink, switch off the heater and cancel my plans to take a shower. Sans shower I feel grimily burdened but, I realize a general sense of disorientation wouldn't be a good shower companion.

Hopefully the painkillers will soon kick in against the spasmodic discomfort in torso and limbs, apart from that, it's just another normal day and there's a life to be lived. Good morning rainfall, I'm coming down to visit you!

Weakened Weekends and Travail Aids

Saturday evening is usually my major cooking time, when I prepare the meal for Sunday lunch-time, which usually also suffices for our needs on the Monday and, in variant form provides the main component of a further meal later in the week. This Saturday proved an exception, to the normal routine, as I was too achingly exhausted to attend to such matters.

Even Sunday morning found me too de-energised to make amends so, a frozen Sainsbury’s Chicken Tikka Masala for two served to fill the gap (admittedly it was more on the scale of an appetizer) accompanied by my specially prepared rice. As I usually prepare curries from scratch, this make do meal proved less than satisfying; it was rather like having a ketchup infused chip shop curry sauce with one or two thumbnail size pieces of meat (which could have almost passed for lumps in the gravy) by way of texture.

I’ll definitely try not to repeat this mistake but, I’m pleased I did not forego the BBQ on Saturday afternoon, held at a farmhouse on the Helperby Estate, the home of one of the doctors from the practice where Helen works. This minimal bit of socializing was the reason for my shattered-ness, and subsequent lack of culinary endeavour.

Apart from excellent company, and host provided musical entertainment, I also managed (with a little perseverance) to take some video footage of the House Martins paying fleeting visits to their eaves supported nests. In fact the video camera was frequently utilized in my attempt to catch the flavour of the occasion and, my SLR also came into its own for this purpose.

******

Having partaken of our (excuse for) a Sunday lunch we ventured out to the retailer who had supplied the RAC satnav, which I bought back in May for Helen’s birthday, highly dissatisfied with it’s very limited database and the temperamental software which made it nigh impossible to succesfully download and install an essential update.

The assistant manager initially argued that the model we had purchased was “fit for purpose” providing it could get you to a destination, regardless of the fact that several long established addresses were beyond the scope of its database; it seemed to me a bit like saying if you bought a car and it made one journey successfully, after which it broke down, it was fit for purpose as you’d been able to get in and drive for that one journey! Despite my initial frustration with this explanation, he did demonstrate alternative means of searching its limited database and proved most helpful in our quest. The store manager admitted to the limitations of this particular model (other than for finding a city centre) and, allowed us to do an upgrade exchange for a better equipped ‘Tom-Tom’ model; I’d sooner pay the extra for something which more satisfactorily fulfils its intended purpose. As an easily un-nerved and discomforted / disgruntled traveller, the ‘Help Me’ function of the new device, clearly demonstrated by the assistant manager, should prove a great boon!

Downloading recommended updates this morning proved a doddle!

*******

On our return home, the contents of a pot of Fair-Trade filter coffee were eagerly consumed by ma belle et moi whilst sat beside the garden pond, a necessary pick-me-up! By this time I felt sufficiently energized to tackle a little maintenance work at the wildlife friendly end of the garden. Our hope and intention is that the whole of the garden is wildlife friendly but, I refer to the area of more rampant wildflower and shrub growth! I’m increasingly of the view that these “natural” areas of one’s estate take far more management than the cultivated ones! Ma belle busied herself tidying up elsewhere in the garden, managing to demonstrate her special gift for losing the implements which she has just been using on several occasions.

Attaining Full Credentials

Last night, for the first time in many weeks, I experienced that sudden exhaustion whereby my aimlessly wilful lower limbs directed me, albeit falteringly, to the house’s upper floor in search of a bed. Object achieved, there came the inevitable collapse onto the nocturnal furniture. Just as night follows day, my body required the assistance of my beloved to carry out the task of its disrobing.

Some thirteen hours later I emerged from the soundest sleep experienced for months, or possibly even years. You might assume that, after this rest, I would be able to face the new day feeling totally refreshed; of course you’d be wrong. I don’t know if you’ve ever had the sense of your body being lined, internally, by a coarse felt sheet which has been (and still is being) subjected to a thumping hollow bruising affect! It’s my duty to inform you that it’s most unpleasant and, you have my sympathy if it falls within the range of your experience!

Anyway, unpleasantries out of the way, I can ignore other familiar ailments and move on to recent more positive experiences / activities. Having replaced a right angled absence on our front fence with a partial small pallet presence, I was able to utilize the base of this ‘new’ fence section as a mini-planter wherein I’ve placed a couple of small ivy plants. Further horticultural endeavours have been centred on the garden at the rear of the house, paying particular attention to the wildlife friendly arena. It’s most rewarding to view the results of previous years’ efforts which are gradually coming to fruition!

Monday of this week saw the celebration of my 65^th birthday, a special milestone as I am now a fully fledged pensioner! At lunchtime ma belle Helen and myself had a light lunch at a newly established local crêperie, Helen partaking of a goats cheese variety whilst I settled for the smoked salmon. As it’s a new venture, the accompanying drinks were free of charge, something most welcome in these financially straitened times!

From 7.00pm onwards, friends of ours called round chez nous, as and when convenient to themselves to partake of a birthday drink and toast the venerable birthday boy. As I’m not much for parties, and especially those of a more formal variety, this arrangement proved ideal. Having been incapable of much socializing, in recent years, it proved most enjoyable to play the (occasionally) sociable host. Although I have lost contact with several of my friends (those who failed to understand my health problems) since becoming an ME sufferer, it was great to know that I’m not totally forgotten! It’s my pleasure to report that a good time was had by all. Snacks and nibbles remaining from this event have made an interesting addition to our more routine diet, and of course we’ve had to make ourselves quaff the remaining wine from sundry open bottles.

The week has quite simply flown by as my beloved had taken the week off from work; time spent with ma belle amoureuse is always a pleasure, it’s remarkable to have a life so blessed!

Transitional Demands

What a pleasant surprise; I’ve just been counting the cost and it isn’t half as costly as I’d anticipated; admittedly, sometimes the price is paid later. As a parallel to climbing the property ladder, if one takes too many risks with their “pacing” they have to be prepared for landing up in negative equity. I’ve recently been trying to extend the boundaries of my pacing regime, how else am I going to know what I can manage but, at the same time, I’m listening to the signals my body transmits back to me.

We’ve recently decided on a course of revamping our bedroom, which requires a little shunting around, and spasmodic removal of, the extant furnishings and accumulated detritus. Yesterday was the time to assemble a couple of wardrobes, a task which at first seemed rather daunting, though it proved rewarding as one managed to satisfactorily assemble the said units (despite the manufacturers best endeavours to ensure the misalignment of certain component parts). It proved a rather perspirational endeavour, during which I several times struggled to ignore both pain and stamina thresholds before finally collapsing at the eleventh hour; not a moment too soon. Our friend John, who lives just down the road and had earlier proffered assistance, arrived on his white charger to finish off the task in hand.

An early night being required, by body and spirit, there followed a somewhat restless sedimentation of hours, exhaustion seemingly serving as a barrier to sleep. After 13 ½ hours of bed rest(lessness), aching joints, bones and muscles were hardly in any worse shape than has been the norm over recent months / years, and the brain seemed to be functioning as well as can be expected. A slow emergence into the daytime world was par for the course; sleep eventually caught up with me, early in the afternoon, as I listened (!) to Radio 4 with hands crampingly poised on my laptop keyboard.

For little signs of progress I give thanks but, I am intentionally avoiding any further exertion today, a fair reward for yesterday’s endeavour.