The Breeze And I

Towards the end of the afternoon, the cooler breezier day aiding and abetting, I managed a BBW (brief brisk walk) although the pace slowed down somewhat after the ascent of a dozen steps. To look on the bright side, I wasn't totally exhausted by the time we got back home and, I subsequently got around to repotting the Aloe Vera plant; providing I've not messed-up somewhere along the line, one plant has now become three. Not only do I find this plant aesthetically pleasing, the liquid squeezed from it's cut leaves has quite remarkable healing properties.

Providing I feel sufficiently alert, I'm looking forward to the Tarantino directed episode of CSI, postponed from last week. I may be back later but, please don't treat that as a threat ... it's not even a promise!

Extended sleep does not refreshment make

Emerged from my slumbers around 11.ooam, some 11 hours after entering duvet-dom. Although the sleep pattern was somewhat disturbed, my reckoning is that I managed at least nine hours of solid sleep. I would like to be able to report that I feel really refreshed but, sorry, no joy on that front.

A cooler, very breezy day is nonetheless welcome; it's truly amazing how much easier my knee and ankle joints felt when I popped out to the local shops a few minutes ago. Just had a quick check of my e-mail and, Yahoo had done a good job of sorting all the 'SPAM' into the bulk folder ... 33 items today, primarily offering bargain priced software ... 'premium' programmes at budget prices, how likely is that. There was a time when I felt the filtering was a bit too keen but, today all items really were spam.

I always find it better to delete 'Bulk' as and when I go into my mail account, that way it's easier to check whether any legitimate mail has been wrongly placed there!

After checking my mail, next port of call was PC Advisor to check out the news and the forums. There's always so much information one can pick up from other peoples computing problems and, there are some occasions when I do my own postings. It's really encouraging that so many people out there are prepared to freely offer help and advice!

So, that's my day so far and, I do gradually seem to be getting more alert. Perhaps the progress will continue.

To sleep perchance to avoid snacking

Early afternoon found Heterocon feeling surprised that he was still reasonably alert, but, I have it on good authority (being the self-same person) that within ten minutes of that blog entry he was sound asleep, awakened only on Helen's return.

Next on the agenda, went out for a little walk; what should've taken about 15 minutes took closer to 30. Knee joints and ankle joints colluded to make the lifting of one's foot seem as if it was a violation of natural laws.

On return to the house, a collapse onto the sofa seemed to be in order; a postural faux pas if ever there was one! Now it's the small of my back, the right-shoulder, right elbow and right wrist joining the lower limbs conspiracy ... an ache, in time, creates nine (if you'll forgive the paraphrase).

An hour of television viewing disappeared from my consciousness but, I was still pleased to catch the last twenty minutes of 'Murder Investigation Team' ... it certainly looked as if it had been quite gripping, Helen was certainly held in thrall. In the moments when I was awake I seemed to be constantly stuffing my facial orifice with brazil nuts, crystallised ginger, cornchips and bananas. This increased appetite seems to be a quite recent phenomenon; the snacks were on top of a three-meal day.

Suddenly, I'm starting to feel more alert; if I sustain that thought perhaps it means that sleep is imminent!

Now, how did I manage that

Yes, it's Sinna Luvva reporting at this unearthly sunlit hour. The reason: I'm simply aching in too many places to get back into bed. I seem to have developed a habit of turning onto my chest, arms deeply entrenched beneath the pillow. Somehow, this becomes a position of comfort during sleep-time hours; the real problem arises when I lock firmly into position when it's my desire to turn either onto my back or side.

The arms refuse to take the strain, the base of the neck and base of the spine scream their alarms but, somehow, after much careful manoeuvering I manage a recovery of sorts. By this time of course, both forearms are weightily tingling. Currently, I'm feeling physically shattered, having made a crablike descent to grab a glass of water but, undecided as to whether I have sufficient courage to get back into bed.

It feels so much better to get that, and myself, off my chest so to speak! I know that I slept, as shadows of some pretty vivid dreams remain etched in part of my conscious mind. If they were not dreams the scars have healed remarkably well!

Days of Drowsiness

Emerged, from my slumbers, totally under-refreshed , somewhere between 11.ooam and Noon. Felt rather grateful that I'd already prepared the bulk of today's lunch last evening. The Madras type curry had simply to be popped in the oven before I prepared the Saffron rice. Meantime, a late breakfast was adequte to tide me over.

Straining, and rinsing, the prepared rice proved rather problematic as my wrist failed to take the strain of the saucepan. Helen swiftly came to the rescue, my Lady in shining armour. The heat of the day, once again, brought out the worst in my joint pains. An attempted post-lunch BBW became more of a VBSD (very brief slow drift) as, although the Sun was lost behind clouds, the atmosphere felt something like it must be in the heart of a compost bin.

If I can manage to keep awake, 'Songs Of Praise' sounds like it should be good this evening , centring on the Lord's Prayer! Later on ITV3 has one of Jeremy Brett's Sherlock Holmes episodes, so alertness proving willing, I should enjoy that. Relaxation is such a wonderful thing but, not so rewarding when it imposes itself on one!

Of Heroes and Folly

Awoke bright and early this morning and, reached to my bookshelf for a book of Rilke's poetry. My concentration span is rather limited, at present, but I managed to read a couple of earlier poems before stumbling over Duino Elegies 3 & 10. Although translations vary, there's always some special quality (a persona perhaps) that somehow seems to take root in one's consciousness.

The bolder side of me would like to attempt my own translation, although I would have to rely very heavily on my wife's proficiency in the German language. I do realize, of course, that at times there seems to be to be a surfeit of translations but, in the end poetry is so integrated with its language of composition that occasionally a paraphrase ... which creates a new "authentic" poem ... should be placed alongside a literal translation. My only credential for being so presumptuous is a friend, back in the mid 1960's, noticing how profoundly my work had been influenced by RMR. It truly was a remarkable observation as within a few weeks I started to read Rilke for the first time!

If this sounds like gibberish, blame it on my early rising (i.e. before 8.ooam) as I've been quite shattered ever since.

The Spirit Is Willing

The energy reserves have been more noted by their absence today but, it is a relief to know that there is in all probability something there! I have nothing much to report on earlier phases of the day, as I can't recall any event apart from feeding the fish and snatching a lunch of fruit and wholemeal bread.

In the early evening we ventured down to the local 'Brewer's Fayre' for a bite to eat, in my case Smothered Chicken (i.e chicken topped with bacon and cheese) with a Tikka Masala sauce, chips, peas and carrots, followed by a Trio dessert .. strawberry cheesecake, chocolate tort and chocolate fudge cake served with ice cream. All nice and unpretentious but, very satisfying.

Later in the evening I settled down to watch, listen and, record to DVD, Tippett's 'A Child Of Our Time' .. a potently poignant work which on this occasion, the opening night of the BBC Proms, almost overwhelmed me. In the light of recent events it gained an added poignancy and pertinence. In the end though, the work still stands as a mighty tribute to the human spirit!

A Little Alleviation ... A Little More Action

Almost like a miracle; at 6.45pm today, I actually managed to come down the stairs placing one foot in front of the other, rather than the crab-like gait which in recent weeks had become normality.

Walked out to the garden pond and, the air felt reasonably fresh; a marked contrast to the heat earlier in the day.

I am reluctant to place too much emphasis on the remission in either my knees or the atmosphere! Perhaps the fact that someone, outside of immediate family, seems to have taken my ailments seriously ... see yesterday's entry, "This Is The Day" ... has had a remarkable placebo effect!

This Is The Day

It's really amazing how much easier it is to advise and give assistance to someone else than it is to do the same for one-self. Tonight, with the visit of a young friend, just felt so good and constructive; it really was rather like one of the better housegroups I've belonged to, or run, in days of yore.

The day did prove rather 'overheated' as anticipated and, the decrease in the ponds volume of water is becoming quite marked. Helen's sister Janet visited, during the afternoon, and remained long enough for Helen's return and, delivered an electric pump which has already proved useful in reflating the Bush bop-bag!

Prepared a fresh trout pasta early evening, thoroughly enjoyed by ma belle et moi!

Helen returned with news of someone who may be able to help me with coping strategies for ME/CFS; I just have to remember to ask the trick-cyclist for a referral to her. Although I've been getting treated for depression for sometime now, despite the symptoms being totally atypical of those I'd experienced in previous bouts ... my good self-esteem and very brief spasmodic low periods seem to be more symptomatic of ME/CFS.

Helen has just allowed her head to hit the pillow and ... hey presto ... instant sleep. My problem is, when my head hits the pillow it's not unusual to feel more alert and, aware of various integral discomforts! Seems like we're an ideal complement to each other. Whatsoever things are good, such as my beloved, I shall think on these things! I rejoice in my good fortune!

Early to bed ... not too early to rise ...

Awoke around 9.20AM, after an earlyish-to-bed night, to be greeted by the threat of yet another stifling day. Yesterday felt like I was sleepwalking for most of the day but, in this stupor, managed to salvage a decent lunch for Helen and myself as well as starting the process of illustrating my four most recent poems. The illustrated version [PDF] can be viewed on our geocities (luv4sinners) website!