Clearing The Air

The last employment I had, before my present bout of ill health, was as Caretaker / Steward at my local Parish Church. The ill health actually started whilst I was still in that employment, a fact which was soon to be overlooked by the Vicar. Throughout the employment, I received much praise for my dedication and commitment above and beyond the hours for which I received remuneration.

Frequently, whilst suffering various minor ailments (and even flu-like symptoms), a bout of labyrinthitis etc. .. I continued to labour there, even whilst undergoing chiropractic treatment for a frozen shoulder, after the failure of hydrocortisone injections to alleviate the problem.

Eventually, I reached a state of both physical and emotional collapse and, had no option other than to quit rather abruptly. A couple of the wardens apologized to me but, the rather myopic Vicar could only say that I had let them down.

It was over three months later that I was able, with the encouragement of Helen, to pluck up the courage to visit my GP; such was the severity of my emotional exhaustion!

My successor was given double the hours to perform much the same tasks (unsuccesfully, in part due to theill-health of the new postholder) and, with additional chores, it has now become a full-time post.

Now, some twenty months down the line, I still smart at the Vicar's insensitivity and, realize that I must let it go! In so many ways I still have a great deal of respect for the man but, this one splinter took on such gargantuan proportions that, neither my wife nor myself felt able to continue worshipping there. Admittedly, at the moment, I have great difficulty in being condemned to a be in a roomful of people for the duration of a service, no matter where!

I seek forgiveness for holding this grudge; as I've already stated in many ways I admire this man, who was an amazing mixture of pastor, minister and administrator; his major failing is being a workaholic, which perhaps leaves him blind to the all too frail flesh of others!

I just, suddenly, had the desire to sweep out this murky closet.

Drifting Through Another Day

Heterocon has already reported on the beginning of my (conscious) day and, it has proceeded in a pretty non-eventful way. All formal proceedings, getting dressed, having a shower, feeding the fish, have been dealt with.

The main part of tomorrows dinner has been prepared, spicy herbed Chicken in a rich peppers, mushrooms, and cherry tomato sauce with tantalizing hints of lemon, ginger and garam masala. When Helen comes back from chapel in the morning, all that's left to do is pop the prepared chicken dish in the oven, and a steamer full of vegetables on the gas-ring ... et voila! I am so fortunate to have such a good personal shopper in the shape of Helen, just as she's so fortunate in having an excellent cook like me.

It's important that I blow my own trumpet, otherwise I may get overlooked. Apart from the chores referred to, the major task of the day has been staying awake; I just have a sneaking feeling, which Helen shares, that I maybe overdid it yesterday! I really must develop pacing skills, in order to enjoy all the more the things I can manage.

Morpheus Waylaid

The word, a couple of hours ago, was shattered. I see no reason to change that word, the only change is that then I hoped for a good night's sleep and so retired reasonably early. As I lay in bed, I felt somehow ill at ease with my body, a certain (indefinable) type of convulsive twitch seemed to take over the muscles of my limbs each time I started to yield to the call of Morpheus.

Had I been more mentally alert, this experience would be easier to understand, or ... is my mind alert and, therefore, at loggerheads with an exhausted body. It actually feels far more comfortable to sit upright than to lie down. A lttle wart, aligned with my bottom left rib, has started to twitch in syncopation with the warty growth at the juncture of neck and shoulder. These creatures may be referred to as benign but, currently they are proving themselves a malign force.

At present, I feel like a test-bed of dis-ease, in search of a hypochondriac in order to display it's unreality. Quite what that means is beyond my comprehension, so ... don't allow yourself to become too perplexed.

Sweet Dreams.

A Heavy Drift

Having stretched my lower limbs a bit more than of late, I am pleased to report a relative absence of aches and pains in that quarter. The downside is that, since returning home I have been floating in a weird kind of void, unable to concentrate on anything. Even so, I managed to struggle through the preparation of a delicious Salmon savoury rice for dinner.

Come the evening, I drifted into watching the beginning of Mahler 5 on BBC4 (Mahler being one of my favopurite composers) but, was lacking the emotional stamina to properly listen. Having switched that off, put on a DVD of "On The Beach", not exactly a barrel of laughs, more a very worthy film on the ludicrousness of nuclear weapons ... with them around we're all victims! After an hour, the semblance of concentration dissipated into the ether. At least I can continue viewing at a later time, quite unlike the horrendous experience of cinema going!

Even a beautiful Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc could only tempt me to struggle through a glass and a bit. Shattered seems to be the best word to describe my current state of being. I am fortunate, I am in love with my wife who also loves me but, even that richness fails to alleviate my current emotional inertia.

Perhaps a good night's sleep will go some way to restore my powers of concentration; I don't think that's too much to ask.

A Relaxing Evening

Went out for a brief amble, with my beloved, after tea; basically a little stroll around the block. This time, I was cautious not to follow a route that entailed climbing steps even though I might have managed bettter this evening.

On our return, we settled down to watch (and do a VHS to DVD transfer) "My Fair Lady", I'd certainly forgotten just how funny it could be and, how brilliantly Rex Harrison portrays Prof Higgins. Of course the primary reason, alongside the musical score, was to fall in love (all over again) with Audrey H.

The niggles in the elbow have returned so, I'll make this item short and sweet. Meanwhile ma belle amoureuse is writing up a brief blog for today on 'Bright Light'.

One Step Forward ... erm ... forget the rest

Just popped out to give the goldfish their second feed and, amazing discovery, my legs moved more easily than they have in the past couple of weeks! The aches in the arms, and all components therof, had somehow made me oblivious to the fact that my knees and ankles weren't bothering me at all. Yes, I know that, shortly after arising from my disturbed slumbers, my descent (of the stairs) was more of an ungainly stumble than a walk but, since then I've not really given the lower limbs any thought.

Sorry if this sounds like confessions of a hypochondriac but, it's quite simply that my varying body parts do have a habit of painfully intruding into the front-rooms of my mind!

For the moment, I give thanks.

A temporary anguish

One moment I'm sat upright, in a firm but comfortable chair, elbows and wrists duly strapped and supported. Next moment, discomfort has shifted in to the armpits; I stretch both arms, palms facing each other, between the thighs for a couple of minutes ease. My whole body cries out with dis-ease and, I am impotent to deal with the symptoms, I lie down on the bed and for a moment feel a sense of ease but ... it is only for a moment. These symptoms come and go, I know they will pass, go back to the upright comfortable chair and type these few words but, the very act of reaching out simply to type is totally dicomfiting. Will write a proper entry when the symptoms fade once more!

Restless Night

It's amazing the havoc aching elbows and armpits can play with the whole cosy psychosomatic being. Since retiring to bed, shortly before midnight, this is the third time I've gotten up so, this time decided I'd grab a little to eat and renewed my radio listening. It just seemed impossible to get off to sleep, even the pain-killers have had zero effect on the discomfort stakes so, this time I've decided to get dressed.That's the most comfortable thing to do, if I'm going to be sitting around.

Perhaps exhaustion will soon hit home and, I'll be able to sleep regardless. If I'm going to do any more surfing, reckon I'll have to don elbow and wrist supports once more before I look at what's going on in the big wide world out there.

A short lived "alertness" spasm

The modicum of alertness, which was my good fortune from around 11.00am, dissipated itself by 1.30pm. Simultaneous with the energy's farewell, a nagging ache verging on the really painful occurred in both elbows and forearms. As all I was doing at the time was a little light reading, one wonders where such a curse comes from.

The strapping up of elbows and wrists proved beneficial, so much so that I fell asleep during what promised to be a really good Afternoon Play on Radio 4. Admittedly once I struggled free of the arms of Morpheus, the pain at first seemed more acute. I thank God that it is currently no more than a nausea-promoting niggle.

As you are now bearing witness, decided to do a little work on the PC although it's not quite as easy with the wrist supports on. Having said that, I doubt that keyboard work would be on the agenda at all without their support.

Helen will be meeting up with her friend Hilary this evening, for one of their (theoretically) fortnightly conflabs at the Pizza Hut. I imagine our friend Graham will come around here to share the company of this not-so-old crock.

Tarantino On Telly

The Tarantino episodes of CSI were totally mesmerising, the tension being sustained right through from the opening scenes to the final minutes. Not exactly the sort of programme to relax one into sleep but, at least I can surf a while, and relax to the sound of Radio 2 before and as I allow my head to hit the pillow. As my dreams have all been quite vivid, when I remember them, I don't think Mr Tarantino will affect them one way or the other.

In total, it's been a pretty good day for me. I am learning to appreciate what I can do, rather than lamenting that which I would do if I had the energy etc. My beloved is hoping to (soon) have her own blog up and running; it seems like they're contagious. I'm sure that there'll be a link from here when there's anything to read! Meantime, I'm off to visit some other spaces. Goodnight all.