Side by Side

So far there has been little risk of me becoming alert, at least it means no new routines to get the hang of. It's amazing that, in the space of a few minutes, on Helen's return from the day hospital, I could manage to lose a half-full tumbler of H20! It's almost enough to drive one to drink.

Apart from a bit of web-surfing, looking at paintings by old friends of mine, seeking more info and prices on widescreen laptops but, more generally following a barely conscious trail through web-sites whose content I have no recollection of.

My beloved and I are currently sat, side-by-side at our respective PC and laptop, tapping away at the keyboard to the background strains of Radio 3. We actually do talk to each other but, it's really good to check out her blog ... it saves me the effort of putting her verbal comments into some kind of perspective.

Anyway, that's enough gibberish for now. Thanks for popping by.

Grateful Thanks

Last night provided me with a better night's sleep than of late. At 3.00am, however, I had to remove myself from the bed once more; this time it was to down a few teaspoonfuls of Gaviscon in an emergency attempt to quell a bout of reflux. Perhaps it's time to renew the prescription for proton pump inhibitors, a medication which had obviously proved its worth.

It really was a rfereshing change though, to spend the night without the lower limbs, particularly, taking on a convulsive life of their own. Any aches in the upper limbs were also minimal. For a more restful night, I give thanks.

If I'm not careful, before I know it, I may even become alert during the day.

And That's Another Day Of Rest

Fatigue was once again the keynote of my day, it certainly proved fitting for the day of rest! I had managed to raise myself from my bed before Helen returned from Chapel; her return served as a reminder that perhaps it was time to shower and get dressed.

The spicy herbed chicken dish, prepared last evening, exceeded expectations (and they are high enough). At least I can still manage to produce some culinary triumphs. Whilst dining, we listened again to "Songs For The New Millenium: Breaking The Chains", a 17 track CD produced for the Methodist Publishing House. The diversity of styles and influences, blues, soul, world music etc., together with it's themes of Peace, Faith, Hope and Justice, makes this, for me, one of the most refreshing praise and worship albums. After that, we listened to some of Steve Brookstein's "Heart & Soul" before Helen drove me down to PC World, for twenty minutes laptop browsing.

Enjoyed "Songs of Praise" before tea, although by that time I was struggling a little to keep my eyes open. We were both looking forward to the final instalment of "Donovan" at 9.00pm but, in the light of recent events, this had been postponed. In it's place an episode of "Midsommer Murders" (I believe it was called 'Death of A Hollow Man') was shown . We both enjoyed such a good laugh in this episode that it totally overcame my tiredness.

For the first time in the day, I am now starting to feel quite wide-awake.

Clearing The Air

The last employment I had, before my present bout of ill health, was as Caretaker / Steward at my local Parish Church. The ill health actually started whilst I was still in that employment, a fact which was soon to be overlooked by the Vicar. Throughout the employment, I received much praise for my dedication and commitment above and beyond the hours for which I received remuneration.

Frequently, whilst suffering various minor ailments (and even flu-like symptoms), a bout of labyrinthitis etc. .. I continued to labour there, even whilst undergoing chiropractic treatment for a frozen shoulder, after the failure of hydrocortisone injections to alleviate the problem.

Eventually, I reached a state of both physical and emotional collapse and, had no option other than to quit rather abruptly. A couple of the wardens apologized to me but, the rather myopic Vicar could only say that I had let them down.

It was over three months later that I was able, with the encouragement of Helen, to pluck up the courage to visit my GP; such was the severity of my emotional exhaustion!

My successor was given double the hours to perform much the same tasks (unsuccesfully, in part due to theill-health of the new postholder) and, with additional chores, it has now become a full-time post.

Now, some twenty months down the line, I still smart at the Vicar's insensitivity and, realize that I must let it go! In so many ways I still have a great deal of respect for the man but, this one splinter took on such gargantuan proportions that, neither my wife nor myself felt able to continue worshipping there. Admittedly, at the moment, I have great difficulty in being condemned to a be in a roomful of people for the duration of a service, no matter where!

I seek forgiveness for holding this grudge; as I've already stated in many ways I admire this man, who was an amazing mixture of pastor, minister and administrator; his major failing is being a workaholic, which perhaps leaves him blind to the all too frail flesh of others!

I just, suddenly, had the desire to sweep out this murky closet.

Drifting Through Another Day

Heterocon has already reported on the beginning of my (conscious) day and, it has proceeded in a pretty non-eventful way. All formal proceedings, getting dressed, having a shower, feeding the fish, have been dealt with.

The main part of tomorrows dinner has been prepared, spicy herbed Chicken in a rich peppers, mushrooms, and cherry tomato sauce with tantalizing hints of lemon, ginger and garam masala. When Helen comes back from chapel in the morning, all that's left to do is pop the prepared chicken dish in the oven, and a steamer full of vegetables on the gas-ring ... et voila! I am so fortunate to have such a good personal shopper in the shape of Helen, just as she's so fortunate in having an excellent cook like me.

It's important that I blow my own trumpet, otherwise I may get overlooked. Apart from the chores referred to, the major task of the day has been staying awake; I just have a sneaking feeling, which Helen shares, that I maybe overdid it yesterday! I really must develop pacing skills, in order to enjoy all the more the things I can manage.

Morpheus Waylaid

The word, a couple of hours ago, was shattered. I see no reason to change that word, the only change is that then I hoped for a good night's sleep and so retired reasonably early. As I lay in bed, I felt somehow ill at ease with my body, a certain (indefinable) type of convulsive twitch seemed to take over the muscles of my limbs each time I started to yield to the call of Morpheus.

Had I been more mentally alert, this experience would be easier to understand, or ... is my mind alert and, therefore, at loggerheads with an exhausted body. It actually feels far more comfortable to sit upright than to lie down. A lttle wart, aligned with my bottom left rib, has started to twitch in syncopation with the warty growth at the juncture of neck and shoulder. These creatures may be referred to as benign but, currently they are proving themselves a malign force.

At present, I feel like a test-bed of dis-ease, in search of a hypochondriac in order to display it's unreality. Quite what that means is beyond my comprehension, so ... don't allow yourself to become too perplexed.

Sweet Dreams.

A Heavy Drift

Having stretched my lower limbs a bit more than of late, I am pleased to report a relative absence of aches and pains in that quarter. The downside is that, since returning home I have been floating in a weird kind of void, unable to concentrate on anything. Even so, I managed to struggle through the preparation of a delicious Salmon savoury rice for dinner.

Come the evening, I drifted into watching the beginning of Mahler 5 on BBC4 (Mahler being one of my favopurite composers) but, was lacking the emotional stamina to properly listen. Having switched that off, put on a DVD of "On The Beach", not exactly a barrel of laughs, more a very worthy film on the ludicrousness of nuclear weapons ... with them around we're all victims! After an hour, the semblance of concentration dissipated into the ether. At least I can continue viewing at a later time, quite unlike the horrendous experience of cinema going!

Even a beautiful Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc could only tempt me to struggle through a glass and a bit. Shattered seems to be the best word to describe my current state of being. I am fortunate, I am in love with my wife who also loves me but, even that richness fails to alleviate my current emotional inertia.

Perhaps a good night's sleep will go some way to restore my powers of concentration; I don't think that's too much to ask.

A Relaxing Evening

Went out for a brief amble, with my beloved, after tea; basically a little stroll around the block. This time, I was cautious not to follow a route that entailed climbing steps even though I might have managed bettter this evening.

On our return, we settled down to watch (and do a VHS to DVD transfer) "My Fair Lady", I'd certainly forgotten just how funny it could be and, how brilliantly Rex Harrison portrays Prof Higgins. Of course the primary reason, alongside the musical score, was to fall in love (all over again) with Audrey H.

The niggles in the elbow have returned so, I'll make this item short and sweet. Meanwhile ma belle amoureuse is writing up a brief blog for today on 'Bright Light'.

One Step Forward ... erm ... forget the rest

Just popped out to give the goldfish their second feed and, amazing discovery, my legs moved more easily than they have in the past couple of weeks! The aches in the arms, and all components therof, had somehow made me oblivious to the fact that my knees and ankles weren't bothering me at all. Yes, I know that, shortly after arising from my disturbed slumbers, my descent (of the stairs) was more of an ungainly stumble than a walk but, since then I've not really given the lower limbs any thought.

Sorry if this sounds like confessions of a hypochondriac but, it's quite simply that my varying body parts do have a habit of painfully intruding into the front-rooms of my mind!

For the moment, I give thanks.

A temporary anguish

One moment I'm sat upright, in a firm but comfortable chair, elbows and wrists duly strapped and supported. Next moment, discomfort has shifted in to the armpits; I stretch both arms, palms facing each other, between the thighs for a couple of minutes ease. My whole body cries out with dis-ease and, I am impotent to deal with the symptoms, I lie down on the bed and for a moment feel a sense of ease but ... it is only for a moment. These symptoms come and go, I know they will pass, go back to the upright comfortable chair and type these few words but, the very act of reaching out simply to type is totally dicomfiting. Will write a proper entry when the symptoms fade once more!