MUSINGS

I'd been fighting against the odds, in the battle against inattention but, despite my concentration deficit, the muse still grabbed me and pinned my (already) strapped wrists down in front of a keyboard. In fact the muse called at an inconvenient time and, I had to struggle against the alloy wrist brace to scribble down the first mysterious words.

Anyway, the result so far, a poem called BEING can be viewed on Heterocon's site. The muse can be at times aMUSING, more frequently beMUSING but, above all, she cannot (or I dare not take the risk) be mocked!

Today, I thank the muse; this time she wreaked no havoc but, left my day on a more positive course.

A de-concentrated morning

Today concentration is at a long-time low; I'm even surprised I found my way to the dashboard. Open up my various e-mail programmes, look at what's there and I can't even be bothered to open them!

Go out into the wet miserable day, just to the local Co-op to obtain a nicotine refill, take advantage of the occasion for a short stroll (around the shortest block) and return home slightly refreshed. Start browsing through the odd e-mail, following a few links but, still the concentration isn't there.

The real blessing of the day is that my beloved Helen is at home until mid-afternoon, I always love it when she's around and, I know that she enjoys my company (even though she suffers with me ... every little ache and frustration!)

With a wonderful wife and, an online opportunity to rant, what more could one desire .... no, no, don't answer that ...!

Drifting Into Laughter

A day of some discomfort, at times considerable but, I almost kept on smiling through. It was one of those days when computer technology seemed to have a mind of it's own, whilst my nind drifted away from anything I hoped to concentrate on.

When Helen arrived back from her day at the hospital and, a trip out with Beth, it proved a real bright-spot in my day. She popped a couple of potatoes in the oven, to get on with the baking process whilst she got on with her blog and caught up with e-mails. When the potatoes were ready, I chargrilled some Salmon along with cherry tomatoes, peppers and mushrooms, as an abundantly overflowing filling for the jacket pots.

Our friend Graham came around this evening and, left more relaxed than when he arrived. At least I managed to get him and ma belle amoureuse laughing; quite on form tonight! I'm not the perfect misery my blog at times seems to be striving towards.

The tiredness, which has never really left me all day, is starting to really make it's presence felt. Let's hope there's no need for more messages ce soir.

Restless

After a couple of better night's sleep, tonight is back to a tale of discomfort. A restlesness on retiring, stretching my limbs every which way all to no avail The convulsive like twitching of the legs I couldn't quite control and, suddenly all the nerve endings in my body seemed to be set on edge. Much as I love snuggling up to my beloved (and vice-versa) I suddenly couldn't tolerate being touched, the price to be paid was a cringing shudder.

Perhaps the rather negative vibe to my day has now allocated itself to the night as well. I've just been down to make myself a mug of drinking chocolate, an action designed more to occupy my by now restless mind as any actual benefit it may have.

Sitting upright, in front of this bit of technology, temporarily seems to be the most comfortable position. Wish I could say as much for the process of hitting the keys. Radio 2 plays quietly in the background, a soothing companion in my solitude. I'm trusting it won't be too long until my mind and body are sufficiently relaxed to contemplate some sleep.

Sweet Dreams.

A Hollow Day

Today was, in considerable parts, a day of hollowness; a kind of depression, in response to noticing all the tasks that I could be doing in the home and garden and yet, don't feel able to tackle. When one of these hollow days occurs, every slight hiccup to one's routine takes on a disproportionate weight.

When it comes to summing up this quite negative day however, it is the good things that come foremost in the mind, like the company of an adored and adoring wife. The usual light chores, which can be pleasures on a better day, seem to get done ... e.g. feeding the fish in both pond and aquarium, preparing dinner for Helen and myself ... but, the rest of the day is lost in a drift of resting and moping.

Mid-evening brought about an improvement in my mood, when I received (via e-mail) four more photos of my gorgeous great-niece. Her special smile is enough to drive away the blues. After that I seemed to manage to raise sufficient energy to watch a couple of episodes of CSI with my beloved.

Just for the sake of Being

Just popped by, en route from tending to Heterocon's impulses. It has started to become a habit with Heterocon, to clutch at "coffin nails" instead of straws. If you find this perplexing visit the following two entries : "A Question of Understanding" and "My Old Friend Nick Teen".

Once again I find myself struggling with fatigue, although the aches and pains are on a much lesser scale than of late. The big question always is ... How much do I/dare I push myself. When it comes to mental exertion the situation is even more problematic; whereas at times we can set aside physical chores, the ruminations of the mind continue unabated come rain or shine.

Perhaps, if I could find a shortcut to restoring my once pretty good powers of concentration, I could immerse myself in a good book thus cutting down on the time given to my meandering thoughts! I am therefore I think, to twist Descartes maxim into a more existentialist framework ... then all that remains is the action consequent upon the thought.

Sorry, I'm rambling again; I only called in to prevent any feelings of neglect!

Love Struck

Heterocon has already recalled my disastrous struggles with a rabid vegetable oil bottle but, that wasn't the end of the story. On hearing my gasps and groans of exasperation, my beloved came dashing through to the rescue; at this point I heard a sudden roll of thunder which I was swiftly to discover was a tremendous collision between Helen's left hand and the lounge door.

Throughout the evening the pain has been growing, as I hear her moaning about a severely corrupted hand! No, actually, I can quite believe tha pain has been increasing, as can be evidenced by the expanding first-finger knuckle. I did wonder why she kept shunning me when I attempted to hold her hand. It's hard to please some people!

Side by Side

So far there has been little risk of me becoming alert, at least it means no new routines to get the hang of. It's amazing that, in the space of a few minutes, on Helen's return from the day hospital, I could manage to lose a half-full tumbler of H20! It's almost enough to drive one to drink.

Apart from a bit of web-surfing, looking at paintings by old friends of mine, seeking more info and prices on widescreen laptops but, more generally following a barely conscious trail through web-sites whose content I have no recollection of.

My beloved and I are currently sat, side-by-side at our respective PC and laptop, tapping away at the keyboard to the background strains of Radio 3. We actually do talk to each other but, it's really good to check out her blog ... it saves me the effort of putting her verbal comments into some kind of perspective.

Anyway, that's enough gibberish for now. Thanks for popping by.

Grateful Thanks

Last night provided me with a better night's sleep than of late. At 3.00am, however, I had to remove myself from the bed once more; this time it was to down a few teaspoonfuls of Gaviscon in an emergency attempt to quell a bout of reflux. Perhaps it's time to renew the prescription for proton pump inhibitors, a medication which had obviously proved its worth.

It really was a rfereshing change though, to spend the night without the lower limbs, particularly, taking on a convulsive life of their own. Any aches in the upper limbs were also minimal. For a more restful night, I give thanks.

If I'm not careful, before I know it, I may even become alert during the day.

And That's Another Day Of Rest

Fatigue was once again the keynote of my day, it certainly proved fitting for the day of rest! I had managed to raise myself from my bed before Helen returned from Chapel; her return served as a reminder that perhaps it was time to shower and get dressed.

The spicy herbed chicken dish, prepared last evening, exceeded expectations (and they are high enough). At least I can still manage to produce some culinary triumphs. Whilst dining, we listened again to "Songs For The New Millenium: Breaking The Chains", a 17 track CD produced for the Methodist Publishing House. The diversity of styles and influences, blues, soul, world music etc., together with it's themes of Peace, Faith, Hope and Justice, makes this, for me, one of the most refreshing praise and worship albums. After that, we listened to some of Steve Brookstein's "Heart & Soul" before Helen drove me down to PC World, for twenty minutes laptop browsing.

Enjoyed "Songs of Praise" before tea, although by that time I was struggling a little to keep my eyes open. We were both looking forward to the final instalment of "Donovan" at 9.00pm but, in the light of recent events, this had been postponed. In it's place an episode of "Midsommer Murders" (I believe it was called 'Death of A Hollow Man') was shown . We both enjoyed such a good laugh in this episode that it totally overcame my tiredness.

For the first time in the day, I am now starting to feel quite wide-awake.