In Everything Give Thanks

Third Non-Smoking Day : I swear that it ain’t easy, especially when some yob last night smashed off half of the number plate on my beloved’s car, parked on the forecourt. Later we read in the local paper that, in this area, number plates have been getting stolen.

Loving one’s enemies is bloody difficult; especially the sort of thoughts that whiz through my mind.

Progress Report: No queasiness or nausea today and, the nicotine patch remains in place. I still find that the craving for a cigarette or, at the very least, the lighting up and first drag ritual, is much stronger than it ever was during my abortive cold-turkey attempt to quit the habit. I’m even having a suck on the dreaded ‘Crafe Away’!

In general the advice in various quit-smoking booklets and leaflets is totally irrelevant to my situation. The “just think what you can spend the money you save on” argument means nothing. I’ve only ever spent what I know I can afford and, retail therapy has never held any appeal. Craving possessions is part of the human malaise … the Buddha had quite a bit to say about that! I don’t see any point in replacing one craving with another. And surely, if economics are part of the reason for quitting, an alternative outlet for a scarce (money) resource is purely negative thinking.

All the literature encourages one to take more exercise, for me that’s simply not a viable option; if I could do more exercise on a whim I wouldn’t have any ailment to overcome … the fatiguing result of exercise is part of the very reason I have time to think about smoking. [I could even say something about the PE Gestapo that for many years made exercise seem like a trip solely designed for masochists and, administered by sadists].“Eat more fruit and vegetables” … if I did I’d never escape the loo! Same goes for “drink more water” … simply a change of outlet valve!

In this day the Lord has made, I will try to rejoice and be glad. I’m not sure how long it will be before I’m thanking him for the tobacco harvest.

Recently Unearthed

Our young friend Graham, who for five and a half years lived in the flat previously occupied by yours truly, has been back to sort out the residue this weekend. During this final clearance, he unearthed some old working drafts of my poems. These were the only extant copies and, this afternoon I have commenced the finalizing process on a couple of these drafts. One of them, most unusual in my oeuvre, entitled MISSION BETRAYED, can be viewed on Mals Factory.

Who Are They Trying To Kid?

Day Two of the Quit Smoking Regime: Things are not too good. An overwhelming queasiness struck me early afternoon, accompanied by a fluctuation between feeling hot and cold. My beloved noted a certain greyness of pallor.

Went for lunch to the local Brewer’s Fayre, as we have a guest with us today; began to feel even queasier whilst waiting for the food to be served. Sudden thought; see what happens if I remove the nicotine patch. Within a few minutes started to feel more settled. Don’t think NRT patches are designed for me; it has to be cold-turkey or nothing! Do I really want to quit smoking?

Since I applied the first patch, yesterday, I have craved a cigarette much more than I ever did when quitting non-assisted!

Tried a ‘Crafe Away’ dummy cigarette last night, “The Safe Cigarette with the Tobacco Taste similar to a Real Cigarette” is their claim. A Mr R from Scotland states on the back of the packaging, “I find the Crafe Away cigarette has a tobacco taste very similar to my regular brand”. If I’d smoked a brand that tasted like this, as if one is inhaling the fuggy smoke generated by burning waxed paper, I’d never have got into the habit in the first place! Even Mrs B must have smoked the same crap brand as Mr R; “Sometimes when I am using my CrafeAway cigarette I forget to light a real one, the tobacco taste is so enjoyable”

Perhaps if I decide to stick to ‘Crafe Away’, I will eventually become delusional enough to think that this is really what cigarettes taste like and hence, see quitting as a pleasurable option!

Beginning Quitting

Day one of my (stalled) attempt to quit smoking. My beloved collected my NRT patches whilst I was still in the process of gradual emergence from the land of dreams. Although it’s the 16 hour patches I’ll be using, it will only be on very rare occasions that I will sustain it for the full time, unless someone can suggest a way that they can self-apply whilst I’m still sleeping in the morning and, self remove whilst I slumber at night!

At least, with my current sleep requirement, there are less hours available for temptation. Already, I have noticed that the biggest requirement is for something to do with hands and mouth in moments of intermittent boredom. When concentration is at low ebb, which is not infrequently the case, one’s thoughts turn to the stable-door (my habitual point of indulgence in the cigarette habit).

Last time I quit it was cold-turkey but, when various stresses got too much – several months later – I returned to the habit like the proverbial “duck to water”! There is something about the whole ritual of lighting-up that is almost as addictive as is the nicotine fix.

There is, hopefully, a degree of wisdom to my recognition of the difficulties involved in escaping the habit … I know my halo will shine that bit brighter if I actually succeed!

An Overdose of Sleep Dust

Spent nearly thirteen hours in bed last night/ this morning and, although occasional bouts of restlessness broke in, most of that time was spent sleeping. It was my first weekday lie-in for a while, permissible now that the work on the bathroom has been completed (last evening).

A major difference, from the past few nights, was that none of the discomfort experienced, the cause of the spasmodic bouts of restlessness, was in the neck region. Perhaps yesterday’s Needle Match (recorded by Heterocon) was having a swiftly beneficial result!

As I came down the stairs this morning, felt quite at ease with my knees, no need to employ a sideways gait. Co-incidence or a result of the acupuncture, that’s the big question. For a couple of hours I even felt wide-awake and, what a rare sensation that has been.

Mid-afternoon, I was suddenly overwhelmed by exhaustion and, drifted into a further one and a half hours of sleep. Was this ‘afternoon fatigue’ the aftermath of yesterday’s acupuncture session or, a return to perverse normality?

Perverse Pleasures

Which is the most pleasurable sound; the splash of a flushing WC or a burst of spontaneous (also at the push of a button) applause? Methinks the former auditory experience provides the greater pleasure, especially as it is the sound of progress emanating from our bathroom!

Yes, the work on the bathroom will soon be complete! And what of the applause; that emanates from my beloved’s laptop computer, as she works on an ECDL exercise in PowerPoint presentation. The juxtaposition of applause and the sound of flushing loos make me think about Prime Minister’s Question Time. The appropriate response is dependent upon where one sits in the House!

I am just struggling to keep myself awake prior to my impending acupuncture session ... the Protestant Work Ethic rears it’s ugly head once more; one strives to avoid two bouts of total relaxation in the course of a single afternoon, that could be construed as positively dissolute behaviour.

Tripping the light (not so) fantastic

Late afternoon our lighting circuit ‘tripped’, no apparent cause, no bulbs blown etc. Ten minutes ago, the same circuit tripped again; once more we were unable to find a reason. Just at a time when our bathroomless travail is coming to an end, seems like we may have a different problem to contend with.

When the plumber lifted some of the bathroom floorboards, he was surprised to find a deep layer of old mortar and plaster packing much of the space. This residence seems to have had more than it’s fair share of ‘cowboys’ working on it’s structure over the years so, we have to be even more grateful that our current tradesmen are so conscientious!

Tomorrow afternoon the physio will be calling to administer a little acupuncture, to me not the house and, I’m quite looking forward to the experience. Any miraculous recovery would prove a bonus!

As I write, the lighting circuit has tripped yet again … twice in fifteen minutes … what did I say about problems?

BRAVE NEW WORLD

'BRAVE NEW WORLD OF ZERO RISK: Covert strategy in British Science Policy' by Martin J Walker

available as a free download from The Zero Risk? Group

"This book examines the contemporary corporate politics of science in two areas, that of MMR (mumps, measles and rubella) vaccination and the illness ME (myalgic encephalomyelitis). It shows how those who have fought for independent science have been bullied, attacked and discredited, using political strategies that have nothing to do with science and everything to do with power and profit."

Progress in the bathroom and crap via e-mail

Tomorrow morning I’ll be able to have a shower in the transitional bathroom. Present state of play is, showerbath and much of the tiling complete, old WC sans cistern still in situ and, no washbasin. Having a separate loo downstairs has veered between being useful and a necessity. A washbasin in the spare bedroom has also proved a blessing. All being well, the transformation process will be complete by Wednesday afternoon.

My date for quitting smoking has been postponed until the whole job is finished.

*******************

Received an e-mail today (senders address: promotionsslilian5@msn.com) , informing me that I’d won 500,000 Euros from the BANKGIRO LOTERIJ.NL,/INTERNATIONAL PROMOTION PROGRAMES NL. Statements such as the following make it rather suspicious :
“Due to mixed up of some names and addresses, we ask that you keep this
award
personal, till your claims has been processed and your funds remitted
to
you. This is part of our security measures to avoid double claiming or
unwarranted taking advantage of the situation by other participants or
impersonators”.
And:
“NOTE: All winnings must be notarized to complete the claim process;
winners
will be referred to a Foreign Transfer Manager,to have their winnings
notarized. Winners are to cover the legal charges not STAATSLOTERIJ,”
as well as:
“N.B. Any breach of confidentiality on the part of the winners will
resultto
disqualification.”

So, it's a 'promotion' but, they're afraid of publicity!

Just out of curiosity I sought further information online; several similar mailings can be found at : http://server11.infn.it/archive-sc/
[INFN ( Italian) National Institute of Nuclear Physics]

Don’t think I’m going to be wealthy just yet!

Jesus Lives

Jesus of Nazareth, referred to by the faith community, in the light of that experience called “resurrection, as the Christ, has a hold on me. His subversion, and some would say fulfilment, of the religious culture in which he was raised continues to excite me through all the fluctuating phases of my faith journey.

The fact that he was fully human implies to me that he shared our weaknesses in order to walk fully alongside us. He was no respecter of social status, and was frequently to be found alongside the poor, the oppressed and outcast of society. I’ve always loved that primitive Christian hymn in Philippians 2:6-11 – He “did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant ...”

What a contrast to some world leaders who, claiming to be his followers, act as if they have exclusive access to God’s will and, in so many actions (that they order their subjects to perform) bring shame to the name of Jesus the Christ. Unfortunately, right from the birth of Christendom in the 4th century CE, there have been attempts to transform the “good news to the poor” into a message which is used to further subjugate the poor and oppressed.

Excuse the rambling but, I’ve just been enjoying the nation’s top ten hymns on tonight’s “Songs of Praise” some of which rate amongst my favourite’s, Wesley’s ‘Love Divine’ and, in the top 20 (last week’s edition of the programme)another of Wesley’s ‘And Can It Be’. All of Charles Wesley’s hymns have a theological profundity which is hard to match, embracing the life, death and resurrection. [Must admit, although I may be stirred, how much of it I accept is a variable feast!]

Personally, I feel equally at home with Ewan MacColl’s ‘Ballad Of The Carpenter’ as with a Wesley hymn, I love the recognition of the political dynamic in Jesus’ life and ministry but, I am still moved by the symbols of a more traditional Christianity ... I know that Jesus lives! But, were he simply an avatar of YHWH what would be so remarkable about that, a symbol of a definition rather than a beacon in the fight against oppression and injustice. The man Jesus died early in the Common Era, many profess to witnessing his physically resuscitated form but, most importantly, his Word and Spirit inspire action to counter oppression and injustice wherever it occurs.

It is time to reclaim Jesus and to be empowered through the symbols of the faith.