Fish Tales

Having freshly (perhaps irritably drowsy would be a more honest expression) emerged from twelve hours in the land of nod, sluggishness seems to be the keynote of this pre-noon hour. The sore throat and quietly nagging headache are quite familiar companions and, a swift application of wrist and elbow supports to my left arm are easing the aches in that quarter, so I boldly face a brand new (though miserably grey) day.

First point of call is to check up on the aquarium; after yesterdays cleaning up and plant replenishment exercise, the two freshly acquired White Cloud Mountain Minnows are certainly very active but, they seem so tiny alongside their fellow residents. NO2 and pH levels are fine, so it’s all in the hands of Mother Nature. It seems that no matter how carefully one filters and monitors an aquarium, one can never guarantee the survival of its occupants but, at least I attempt to give them a relatively pampered existence.

Overall, I still feel that health wise I am on a gentle upward curve; the spirit is certainly willing.

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PS. Heterocon has filled in the gaps regarding my activity/inactivity of recent days here.

New Beginnings

Not quite so brilliant a day (see Fighting Fit on Heterocon’s blog) but, I am really beginning to feel that, health-wise, I’m on an upward curve. My early morning bruised and shattered feeling has, already, eased itself into a simple sluggishness.

Around lunchtime, I ventured up to the garden pond, to see if the ice is thawing or whether it needs a little assistance; perhaps 60% of the surface is still iced over but, today’s routine check also provided a bonus for me. At first I thought I’d seen a tadpole but, as we’ve not yet had any spawn in our still netted pond, that didn’t seem like a possibility. Eventually, I spotted two baby goldfish swimming near the ice sheets edge. None of the adult fish have yet seen fit to surface but, nor would I if it meant being so directly exposed to prevailing wintry conditions.

Helen has gone out for her first afternoon of paid employment, since having to take early retirement from teaching (on health grounds) in 2003; it is indeed a day of new beginnings!

Making Tracks

more things in heaven and earth ...

“God put me on earth to entertain people”, so said Suzi Quatro on The Heaven & Earth Show (BBC1). I’m not questioning the sincerity of the remark but, I just thought how easy it is to say that when one has spent most of their life in showbusiness. “God put me on earth to be a shelf-stacker, an accountant, a clerical assistant, a till operator”, somehow for me can never carry the same conviction.

What if the breaks hadn’t come for SQ, as is the case with so many talented would be entertainers, and she had to put her showbiz career on the backburner, would she still so confidently express that “God put me on earth to entertain people”? It’s all far too glib a statement to make ex eventu. Or perhaps there’s an underlying fatalistic acceptance of a caste system; is everything pre-ordained and, our life choices simply an illusion?

A further point, raised on the Heaven & Earth Show; did Tony Blair simply say God would be the judge on the Iraq war, or was there also an implication earlier in the interview (as suggested by Peter Tatchell) that the war was God’s judgement? As I didn't see the Parkinson programme, I'm not sure what delusional tendencies I've missed!

Delightful Dilemmas

Why is it that a derelict building in a cityscape becomes an eyesore, whereas the tumbledown remnants of a building in the heart of the countryside strike one as ‘romantic’? What prompts this enquiry is the return journey from visiting some friends in Leeds.

Once I overcame an initial panic attack, this was after all the furthest afield I had travelled during the past eighteen months; I enjoyed observing the man-made rural landscape, the patterned hedgerows sometimes complimenting, at others sharply contrasted with, the gently undulating countryside. Nothing jarred; the occasional agricultural dumping ground or, even the odd quarry site, whilst a scar to some, for me had that sense of belonging and, as we passed a decrepit old stone building, rafters akimbo, with vacant gaps where once was a window frame, it seemed worthy of a place in a C19 painting.

For several minutes, I delighted in the variegated green patchwork of fields but then, as we followed the road’s gentle curvature, the fields were still blanketed in pristine snow; somehow these areas had fallen outside of the sun’s catchment area.

It is wonderful to enjoy these simple adventures, in realms not much more than a giant’s stone throw from one’s own doorstep.

and so we turn to snow

Garden View

Taking It Calmly

For each step forward, on the health front, I’m currently experiencing only half a step back; that for me is real progress. Apart from a stiff and tender neck and, the persistent numb throb and ache in my left wrist and hand, the only obvious ailments have been yesterday’s throbbing ache around the eyes accompanied by a generalized muzzy headache. On Wednesday, I gratefully received another acupuncture treatment which certainly seems to help. Thursday was the first day, for some considerable time, that the ache and discomfort in the wrist and hand was not in evidence.

Even my somewhat antisocial irritability/anger response is somewhat in abeyance; yesterday the doorbell rang as some cold callers (canvassers or market researchers) turned up, standing adjacent to our cold callers notice*. Rather than my usual aggressive knee-jerk response, I calmly pointed out to them that “owing to an incapacitating illness, I am unable to spend time talking to unsolicited callers, hence the notice”. The callers were actually quite apologetic and, I now recognize that (health permitting) a calm response is perhaps more effective than an aggressive one.




* “For Health Reasons COLD CALLERS are NOT WELCOME. Please Respect Our Wishes”

All bright-eyed and bushy tailed

Shortly before noon, remarkably early by my standards, I venture out with ma belle for a brief brisk walk. We hastily tread the tarmacced pavement, eyes streaming, as we’re buffeted by a chill north wind; within a few minutes we reach a more yielding footpath, a sense of freedom as the vista changes to wide open spaces and serried ranks of trees.

Strangely, the wind’s howl seems amplified once we’ve escaped the built environment; is it quite simply relishing the self-same freedom we have entered into or, is it complaining at the trees resistance?

On this bright crisp morning, it feels good to be alive. [Now, those are words you don’t expect to emanate from these quarters].

Cutting Implements and a Cutting Wind

I hardly dare to express the thought but, today, I do feel as if I’m on the mend! There, I’ve uttered it in the sure and present hope that this isn’t a health equivalent to pride before a fall. It’s a difficult task to constantly listen to ones body, whilst hoping that the high degree of rest, currently required, is not going to be a permanent template for their activity level.

I must admit that, until about 2.30pm, I felt equally as tired as I was when I retired to bed last evening. At least, compared to some recent days, I wasn’t feeling so achingly disoriented and, I actually felt like facing a little challenge.

So, it was up to the top garden shed to collect the tall step-ladders and a small handsaw, whilst my beloved retrieved the secateurs from the other shed and, heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it’s off to work I go! Carefully place the steps at one corner of the largest apple tree, ma belle serving as stabiliser and, get on with the task postponed from last year’s end, a hopefully beneficial lopping of the topmost growth. Quite strangely, for all the stretching and lopping application of my upper limbs, it was my feet and calf muscles that all too swiftly felt the strain. By the time I’d activated four such ten-minute sessions, my body told me that was enough and, my less active partner was simultaneously suffering from the effects of a chilling north wind.

Whether it will prove to be brave or foolish, I don’t know but, immediately after this exercise, I embarked on a brief brisk walk to stretch the leg muscles. For the moment I feel no ill effect, hence the hope that I’m really on the mend.

Latent Masochism

I should’ve known better than to wallow in my achievement, exercise wise, of Wednesday. Thursday turned out to be a generally wrung-out day; a persistent dull aching weariness seemed to be the day’s keynote. By late afternoon, this lack of physical and emotional stamina turned into a brooding (depression-like) hollowness and emptiness, a kind of intensely frustrating boredom. Friday was constantly in danger of heading in the same direction but, I did manage to keep the self-pity at bay and, despite the miserable weather, I did manage a brief brisk walk once more.

It’s really strange how a day of improvement seems, so frequently, to be followed by a backward step; it’s almost as if I start to demand more of myself and, when that more is not forthcoming, I really become pretty tough on myself.

Today, although I started it in a totally non-refreshed state, has seen a slight advance insofar as the impending negativity has dissipated. Sundry non-specific muscular aches and pains have reared their ugly head more than a little, to be joined by an excruciating vice like grip on my spine, between the shoulder-blades, as I slaved over a hot stove to prepare tomorrows lunch. There must be a latent masochism in me as I still managed to enjoy the creativity and process of cooking.