Rather unusually, I felt quite alert when I retrieved myself from duvet land and, within fifteen minutes had made my way to the shower room. Stranger still, this occurred after I had my acupuncture session yesterday afternoon whereas, recently, my usual morning after response has been to feel (not unpleasantly) floatingly zonked out.
A degree of tiredness overwhelmed me during Kazim’s late morning visit; I’m afraid that rapid fire talking, by a guest, tends to have a head-swimmingly soporific effect. It really is rather sad that some people, desperately seeking friendship, tend to become over loquacious, in their attempt to demonstrate / display their friendly qualities and an over-preparedness to oblige. Unfortunately, the reality is that friendships take time to develop, unlike acquaintanceship which is more instantaneous. We’re happy to extend our hospitality but, we don’t rush into committed friendship; that takes time and effort. It is one thing to befriend, something quite different to become bosom buddies!
I recovered sufficiently by mid-afternoon, to visit the 75th Anniversary Exhibition of the Methodist Church in Starbeck, where my father was a Supernumerary Minister for twenty years. It was good to see a photo of my Mother, with a small group from Women’s Network which I’d never come across before. The twelve floral displays, on the theme of Christian Heroes, was quite impressive and, it was encouraging to see that some of the displays had been prepared by members of their neighbouring Anglican and Roman Catholic Churches.
Whilst listening to the Jazz on Radio 3, I adopted my Cheffish persona to devise a main course for Sunday Dinner. The resulting creation has been christened as ‘Spiced Chicken & Pineapple Casserole’ and, it smells far more enticing than you can possibly imagine. .As usual, most of the initial cooking was of the griddle pan variety; I started by coating a few chicken breast fillets in a concoction of ground black pepper, coriander, turmeric, garlic and ginger before griddle pan frying them along with onions, peppers, mushrooms and some freshly diced pineapple, with generous lashings of basil and thyme infused olive oil. I diced the chicken in situ, partway through this preliminary cooking, before tossing all the griddle pan contents into a casserole dish. To this I added 750ml of a garam masala laced chicken gravy. The casserole dish, complete with contents was then popped into a pre-heated oven for twenty-five minutes.
Next came the par-boiling of my spice and herb imbued roast potatoes. Come tomorrow, all that remains is the roasting of the potatoes and heating through of the casserole.
I rejoice and am glad in this day the Lord has made.
- living and frequently struggling with moderate M.E. -
where (bad) health, faith, politics and the joys and troubles of daily life collide.
ME
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Friday, June 23, 2006
Thursday, June 22, 2006
The Unpredictability Factor
After being abed for ten and a half hours, managed a swifter than usual arising and dressing routine; what a refreshing change! Took a swift stroll down to Open Church at St Marks and, spent a full 40 minutes in conversation, from which exertion, I’m trusting there will be no ill effects. Certainly, so far, I have felt rather more alert than for the past few days*; perhaps I’m just now recovering from the busier week surrounding my birthday but, I’ve not yet devised a way of ascertaining how I’m going to be from one day to the next.
Predictability has always had its limitations but, somehow, ME/CFS seems to cause swings away from the anticipated norm in an erratically unpredictable manner. I suppose that the goal of ‘Pacing’ is to produce a new median expectation, thus restoring normality on a new plane. Whilst ‘listening to the body’ is always important, an equal value must be placed on routine relating to rest periods etc., (You will rest whether or not you want to!). Much of my present lifestyle is so sedentary that it becomes difficult to know when I am resting. At the same time, I’m all too frequently afraid of taking forty winks as its far too easy to outstay my welcome in the realm of snoozedom. The habit, albeit unwitting, of napping for protracted periods during the day has been hard to kick but, I do often manage to set aside a few minutes of rest following a period of 7/11 breathing.
It seems almost paradoxical that one can sit and do very little yet, simultaneously, get no rest! Now there’s something to ponder. On second thoughts, if I ponder upon it I most certainly will not rest.
* see A Modest Regression (on Mal’s Murmurings) and Fatigue on this blog.
Predictability has always had its limitations but, somehow, ME/CFS seems to cause swings away from the anticipated norm in an erratically unpredictable manner. I suppose that the goal of ‘Pacing’ is to produce a new median expectation, thus restoring normality on a new plane. Whilst ‘listening to the body’ is always important, an equal value must be placed on routine relating to rest periods etc., (You will rest whether or not you want to!). Much of my present lifestyle is so sedentary that it becomes difficult to know when I am resting. At the same time, I’m all too frequently afraid of taking forty winks as its far too easy to outstay my welcome in the realm of snoozedom. The habit, albeit unwitting, of napping for protracted periods during the day has been hard to kick but, I do often manage to set aside a few minutes of rest following a period of 7/11 breathing.
It seems almost paradoxical that one can sit and do very little yet, simultaneously, get no rest! Now there’s something to ponder. On second thoughts, if I ponder upon it I most certainly will not rest.
* see A Modest Regression (on Mal’s Murmurings) and Fatigue on this blog.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
A CHURCH's IMAGE
How do we get our impressions of a Church (I refer here to the building, not the body of believers)? This evening, as I passed St. Marks Church on Leeds Road in Harrogate, the first things to catch my attention were two huge posters, one occupying each of the road facing windows of the churches main entrance porch. The posters were for ‘KUMON’ a commercially franchised system for teaching Maths and English to children, as a supplement to their school education.
The size of the posters made the church look like an industrial unit rather than a house of prayer. According to the ‘Kumon’ website, enrolment costs £15 per child and the fees are £45 per child per subject per month. So much for the churches outreach to the poor and, its not as if this particular church needs the hiring fee to sustain themselves.
The message it gave out for me was quite simple; “THIS IS A COSY MIDDLE CLASS UTILITY”!
The size of the posters made the church look like an industrial unit rather than a house of prayer. According to the ‘Kumon’ website, enrolment costs £15 per child and the fees are £45 per child per subject per month. So much for the churches outreach to the poor and, its not as if this particular church needs the hiring fee to sustain themselves.
The message it gave out for me was quite simple; “THIS IS A COSY MIDDLE CLASS UTILITY”!
Fatigue
Everything seems to be going in slow motion today, at times excruciatingly so; even the eyelids weigh heavily as they seek repose and, words come very slowly. Even had to give up on writing a couple of belated thank-you cards; it’s not everyday that I suffer from ‘writers block’ when working on such a minimal scale but, c’est la vie!
Why is exhaustion such a tiring experience? An overwhelming heaviness seems to have taken control of arms, legs and torso; staying awake seems the most gargantuan of tasks. I recognize that tiredness can, on occasion, be a pleasant velvety experience but, when it wraps all moving and breathing components of one’s body in a lead-cored blanket, only the born-again masochist can rejoice.
Today I understand the word fatigue and, I’ve achieved that state without even trying!
Why is exhaustion such a tiring experience? An overwhelming heaviness seems to have taken control of arms, legs and torso; staying awake seems the most gargantuan of tasks. I recognize that tiredness can, on occasion, be a pleasant velvety experience but, when it wraps all moving and breathing components of one’s body in a lead-cored blanket, only the born-again masochist can rejoice.
Today I understand the word fatigue and, I’ve achieved that state without even trying!
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
I Can See Clearly Now
After the prolonged and repeated treatment of the pond with ‘BlanketOut’ and ‘SludgeBuster’, the effort is now being rewarded as the water has cleared dramatically in the past few days. Perhaps the recent rain has played its part too!
Sitting by the pond is so much more rewarding as, I’m now able to observe so much more activity; admittedly, I haven’t quite managed a tally of how many fish are now resident. Perhaps, early next spring, I’ll manage a stocktake. Because of the baby fish, at feeding time I’m now using flake as well as floating sticks. The tadpoles, by sheer weight of numbers, trap the odd food stick either against the side of the pond or in a kind of ambush whereas, the tiny goldfish lack both the numbers and cunning to manage this feat. By the time the tiddlers have struggled to grasp the end of a stick, it’s so frequently snatched away by their larger brethren, or even the more street-wise amphibians; for the young goldfish, the flake food, normally reserved for the aquarium inhabitants, proves much more manageable.
The larger, more mature, fish find that tadpoles make for a handy snack between (and even alongside) their Sinna Luvva imposed feeding times; I suppose that fresh food is preferable to processed although, in this case the fresh food is also fast food.
Sitting by the pond is so much more rewarding as, I’m now able to observe so much more activity; admittedly, I haven’t quite managed a tally of how many fish are now resident. Perhaps, early next spring, I’ll manage a stocktake. Because of the baby fish, at feeding time I’m now using flake as well as floating sticks. The tadpoles, by sheer weight of numbers, trap the odd food stick either against the side of the pond or in a kind of ambush whereas, the tiny goldfish lack both the numbers and cunning to manage this feat. By the time the tiddlers have struggled to grasp the end of a stick, it’s so frequently snatched away by their larger brethren, or even the more street-wise amphibians; for the young goldfish, the flake food, normally reserved for the aquarium inhabitants, proves much more manageable.
The larger, more mature, fish find that tadpoles make for a handy snack between (and even alongside) their Sinna Luvva imposed feeding times; I suppose that fresh food is preferable to processed although, in this case the fresh food is also fast food.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
A Few Words About.t.t...t
Weather-wise, the atmosphere remains quite heavy, even though the temperature is several degrees lower; result - energy levels aren’t that brilliant. Nonetheless, I’ve managed to enjoy a day of little activity together with my beloved (between her preaching appointment this morning and church attendance this evening) and we even managed to get a walk in after a rain shower had freshened the air a little. Re-energized by the walk, we then managed to trim back some of the shrubs which had rather obstructed the pathway around the side of the house.
On a few occasions I’ve found myself going into a kind of, non-drug induced, amphetamine stutter whereby, I forget mid-sentence what I intended to say to my beloved. I’m trusting that this is simply an effect of the cloying atmosphere and a busier (than usual) week but, that remains to be seen!
On a few occasions I’ve found myself going into a kind of, non-drug induced, amphetamine stutter whereby, I forget mid-sentence what I intended to say to my beloved. I’m trusting that this is simply an effect of the cloying atmosphere and a busier (than usual) week but, that remains to be seen!
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Can't stand the heat but end up in the kitchen
The cloying heat returns and, I feel like crap. Don’t get me wrong, there are several moments when I still feel almost human; being the bold creature that I am, I even managed to rinse out the pond filters, yesterday afternoon, and topped up and treated the pond water for the benefit of its inhabitants. Mind you, this isn’t all selfless devotion to duty; if the piscine inhabitants weren’t healthy, it would deprive me of the pleasure that I receive as I watch them dart out from, and between, their lily pad shelters. After this, there was no way I had sufficient energy in reserve to take my brief walk.
This morning Kazim called round to visit; he is from India and has only been in this country for a couple of months and is feeling quite lonely. He has worked previously in Dubai, Qatar and Iraq but, still finds it important to maintain regular contact with his parents in India and, he’s currently on a two year work permit, in the UK, working as a Restaurant Manager. I always enjoy meeting new people but, I still have a bit of struggle entertaining company for any length of time.
This afternoon, my beloved drove me into town to see if there was anything I wanted to spend my gift card on but, the clammy heat hindered me in coming to any decision at this point. [The plus side, to the town visit, was that the combination of a sunshiny day and World Cup football on the telly ensured it was reasonably quiet for a Saturday. That’s one of the few benefits that football coverage has for me.]
I set to preparing Sunday’s dinner almost immediately on our return home, a spontaneously invented moussaka variant. By the time I’d slaved, creatively over a hot stove, rest became the evening’s imperative.
It has been a good day, especially considering that only a few months ago a trip into the town centre was far beyond the scope of my physical and emotional stamina.
I rejoice and am glad in this day the Lord has made.
This morning Kazim called round to visit; he is from India and has only been in this country for a couple of months and is feeling quite lonely. He has worked previously in Dubai, Qatar and Iraq but, still finds it important to maintain regular contact with his parents in India and, he’s currently on a two year work permit, in the UK, working as a Restaurant Manager. I always enjoy meeting new people but, I still have a bit of struggle entertaining company for any length of time.
This afternoon, my beloved drove me into town to see if there was anything I wanted to spend my gift card on but, the clammy heat hindered me in coming to any decision at this point. [The plus side, to the town visit, was that the combination of a sunshiny day and World Cup football on the telly ensured it was reasonably quiet for a Saturday. That’s one of the few benefits that football coverage has for me.]
I set to preparing Sunday’s dinner almost immediately on our return home, a spontaneously invented moussaka variant. By the time I’d slaved, creatively over a hot stove, rest became the evening’s imperative.
It has been a good day, especially considering that only a few months ago a trip into the town centre was far beyond the scope of my physical and emotional stamina.
I rejoice and am glad in this day the Lord has made.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Happy Birthday for Me
Visited Julie at the Chronic Fatigue Unit yesterday and, she was quick to spot that I wasn’t my usual self, in response to which I swiftly examined my armpits. What she actually meant was that I seemed more tense and, not so spontaneous with my humorous remarks; I hadn’t realized that some of the recent tensions were still manifest in my general demeanour but, perhaps I’m still suffering from the earlier cloying heat. As usual, she was able to offer a few valuable markers as to how I should work on my ‘pacing’.
This morning, I started my birthday anniversary in my usual lazy daily manner but, the knowledge that my beloved would be with me all day made it very special! Beth arrived, shortly before my emergence into the world of the day people, bearing gifts and, whilst she was still here, the postman arrived bearing further gifts from my brother and sister-in-law. At lunchtime, ma belle et moi walked down to the local Brewer’s Fayre and, idly digested our meal with a Pinot Grigio lubricant.
Unfortunately, alcohol and lunchtime didn’t prove too auspicious a combination; as a result, a goodly portion of the later afternoon was spent in a shattered state, requiring more than my twenty minutes allocated rest.
In the evening, Cathy and Ken called round bearing gifts and, we shared a bottle of Taittinger which proved a wonderful tummy settler, enabling me to indulge in a generous portion of a fresh-cream filled sponge cake.
I rejoice in this day the Lord has made.
This morning, I started my birthday anniversary in my usual lazy daily manner but, the knowledge that my beloved would be with me all day made it very special! Beth arrived, shortly before my emergence into the world of the day people, bearing gifts and, whilst she was still here, the postman arrived bearing further gifts from my brother and sister-in-law. At lunchtime, ma belle et moi walked down to the local Brewer’s Fayre and, idly digested our meal with a Pinot Grigio lubricant.
Unfortunately, alcohol and lunchtime didn’t prove too auspicious a combination; as a result, a goodly portion of the later afternoon was spent in a shattered state, requiring more than my twenty minutes allocated rest.
In the evening, Cathy and Ken called round bearing gifts and, we shared a bottle of Taittinger which proved a wonderful tummy settler, enabling me to indulge in a generous portion of a fresh-cream filled sponge cake.
I rejoice in this day the Lord has made.
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