Perspirational Overload

With a degree of regret, I have to acknowledge that the radio weather prophet (see reference to Job’s comforter in previous posting) was right. Mid-morning I ventured down once more to ‘Open Church’, after a one week absence, the trek down being rewarded with breathable air. Shirt, cotton slacks and sandals, were the appropriate attire for the prevalent temperature, although it was several degrees cooler than of late.

After an enjoyable 50 minutes of conversation, the move out from the narthex, to travel the route back home, served to confirm the forecaster’s prediction of relatively high humidity. After even the contemplation of any activities being stymied, owing to atmospheric conditions over the past few days, it was indeed a refreshing change to venture out. Maybe the sense of relief was short lived but, I’m still grateful for the opportunity to have combined a walk with socializing activity after recent (heat) enforced denial of such outlets.

This posting is of necessity a brief one, as the laptops keyboard could soon be swamped by my perspirational overload once more.

A Little Gratitude

The early morning, as I lay abed, is dull and grey; for this I give thanks. My beloved announces that it has been raining, another cause for rejoicing. In the bedroom, the fan purrs and stutters; for the cooling breeze it supplies, I give thanks. Job’s comforter, courtesy of Radio 2, seems to be promising another very humid day; at this, I groan.

My beloved, who kept crashing out during her day off yesterday, actually managed to sustain her night-time sleep for a more reasonable time; for this I once more give thanks. I anticipate an easing of my glandular and muscular discomfort, which has been exacerbated by the recent heat wave and, I rejoice and give thanks for this day the Lord has made. Perhaps today, I can get back on course with my pacing.

“One step at a time dear boy”, I mutter to myself.

If you can't stand the heat ... get out of the garden!

The sunshine may look glorious, the phlox and the gentian are blooming in the miniature rock gardens and, more water lily blooms have emerged on the pond. The lily flower in a shaded corner of the pond, shielded from the sun’s full glare by some newly unfolding leaves, is thriving whilst the suns glare tells the more exposed plant it’s time for early closing. I’ve not even managed to sustain a full five minutes out of doors, just a fleeting visit to feed the fish and replenish the bird table and bird bath.

My body thermostat is such that I still manage to overheat on cooler days, so current temperatures are quite simply unbearable. Leaving a fan running, in the bedroom overnight, enabled a little sleep but, during the day, the curtains seem incapable of blocking out the sun’s excesses. Leaving the windows open, at the shaded side of the house, has no more effect on the temperature than keeping the double glazing firmly closed. As I slowly melt in the warm humidity, my scheduled attempts at restoring my concentration are quite simply doomed to failure and, it’s just an impossibly stupid idea that I should even contemplate taking a walk.

Even in my healthier days, during a vacation gardening job (whilst a student) I managed to succumb to sunstroke but, recent days have seemed much hotter than the ones to which I then fell prey.

Typing this brief posting seems to have utilised my total reserves of stamina so, I bid any readers a fond farewell.

Addendum to Which Theologian for IE browser users.

For those of you using IE6 browser, the full list of percentages per theologian on yesterdays postings may not have appeared (apart from a 'miniature table). Mozilla Firefox displayed correctly. For those poor souls who only use IE here is the listing that should have appeared.

Jurgen Moltmann 73%

John Calvin 73%

Paul Tillich 67%

Friedrich Schleiermacher 67%

Karl Barth 53%

Augustine 40%

Anselm 33%

Charles Finney 27%

Martin Luther 20%

Jonathan Edwards 0%

Which Theologian Are You?

Although I find the Moltmann rating very satisfactory, I find it rather a puzzle that John Calvin gets a look in. Probably it's because, as is the nature of this sort of quiz, one is unable to qualify the reasons for a specific rating to certain questions. The percentage of Tillich comes as no surprise! I know why Luther comes so far down my scale; it's to do with the centrality of "justification by faith".

You scored as Jurgen Moltmann. The problem of evil is central to your thought, and only a crucified God can show that God is not indifferent to human suffering. Christian discipleship means identifying with suffering but also anticipating the new creation of all things that God will bring about. Jurgen Moltmann 73% John Calvin 73% Paul Tillich 67% Friedrich Schleiermacher 67% Karl Barth 53% Augustine 40% Anselm 33% Charles Finney 27% Martin Luther 20% Jonathan Edwards 0% Which theologian are you? created with QuizFarm.com

Postcript to the dispirited blip

After yesterday evening’s slight downer, a traditional lazy Sunday has resolved any residual self-pity and, this dispirited blip, will definitely not be allowed to become an obstacle to progress. A few references to my lazily rewarding day can be found here.

In the meantime, a juicily herbaceous Pouilly Fume 2004 (Fournier Pere et Fils) accompanies our mid-evening's televisual entertainment.

One Step Back in pursuit of Progress

It’s one of those evenings when I don’t really know what I feel; slightly queasy, that’s easy enough to say but, it’s the kind of emotional turmoil alongside this sensation that’s more difficult to define or describe. Tonight was going to be one of those big milestones on my way to recovery, following the steady progress that I’ve made over the past few months.

I’d been invited to a meal with members of the chapel that Helen attends and, has had strong connections with over many years. This Sunday, they will be having their final service and members of a larger chapel in town are their hosts for this special commemorative meal. I’ve been trying to do everything right, ensuring that I’ve stored up plenty of reserves in my energy bank, in anticipation of this night out.

This morning, after yesterdays ‘necessity imposed’ additional rest, I maximised my rest period and was eagerly looking forward to the evening. Mid-afternoon, as I sat and relaxed, the heavy perspiration and sense of dis-ease took over, I rested in my chair, feet thrown across a comfy leg support, until a bruising earache and sense of giddiness took over; that was my cue to go and lie down on the bed and, next thing I knew I’d had a good hours snooze. Reluctantly and dizzily, I waddled my way downstairs and found the nausea inducing heat of the day overwhelming. Took a dose of Gaviscon to quell the reflux in my oesophagus although, since I’ve been on PPI’s, that’s not been a problem too much in evidence in recent times.

As you can see, there were several differing factors at work militating against my making the stride forward. Retrospectively, I can see that ‘nerves’ were a contributory factor, at the culmination of prolonged anticipation of the event, alongside exhaustion (my long term companion) which had been exacerbated by atmospheric conditions. Although I was well aware that my beloved would run me home at any time during the meal, how I felt as departure time approached ensured that I would be incapable of contributing even a spark of conversation to the evening. I was overwhelmed by the sense that my presence was a potential dampener, on what was already an event likely to be tinged with sadness.

It really isn’t that long ago that I would have been unable to contemplate even provisional acceptance, of the invitation to attend such a celebration / commemoration but, now I’m feeling quite dispirited that, despite my efforts to prepare myself for the occasion, I was unable to carry it through! How do I feel, I still don’t know; I suppose that my decision to have even contemplated attendance can be construed as a sign of progress!

"We are such dreams as stuff is made on"

A couple of days in robotic early start mode and, you’ve guessed it, this morning was payback time. Everything seemed to be going well, despite the normal erratic sleep pattern, when I briefly surfaced into a state of semi-alertness around 7.00am. Next thing I remember is my beloved saying it was 9.00am, in response to my vague enquiry. That little mystery will be returned to later!

One and a half hours later, I managed to remove myself from the duvet snare and, bleary-eyed, directed my feet to the bathroom, in the mistaken belief that a shower would refresh me. I really enjoyed the shower but, didn’t feel sufficiently energised to apply my emollient cream before getting dressed. Perhaps the effort of donning shirt, pants and slacks, was the proverbial straw (that broke the camels back).

A five minute rest, on the bed, was rudely disrupted by the piercing ring of the telephone at around 12.30pm. maybe it’s not quite so bad as the fabled “lost weekend” but, it certainly raises the case of the lost morning! Lost hours twice in one morning, therein lies a far deeper mystery.

With the telephonic disruption, I misguidedly leapt (albeit in slow motion) from the bed,
brain-throbbingly giddy and disoriented. From that point on, a further brief rest imposed itself on me, as I struggled to make sense of the day.

Now this is the big mystery; in being suddenly startled by an external ringing in my ears, the concept that I had been asleep provided my “eureka” moment. If it’s only in waking we become aware that we had been asleep, under what circumstances can we affirm that we have been awake? Perhaps I am quite simply a dream!

By this time ma belle Helene had returned to the homestead and, I eventually got around to preparing a delicious salmon savoury rice for lunch. My mind and body remained haze laden for a little while until I made the bold decision, to permit ma belle chauffeuse to propel me to the garden centre. That visit has already been recorded on ‘Mal’s Murmurings’ so I won’t bore you with it here but, you can be bored with it here!

A Taste of Progress

A relatively early start to the day, once again, and I’d already ventured down to ‘Open Church’ at St Marks shortly after 10.00am. Plenty of conversation was on the menu as several people, who I’d not seen for many months, were there for coffee or else en route to the Communion Service. Much to my surprise, more than an hour had passed before I felt ready to make the return walk home. This is such a vast improvement over what I was able to manage even a few months ago.

Having gone up to the garden pond, to feed the fish, a rest was called for and, I was able to relax in the knowledge that progress was being made. Of course, that early activity meant that I wasn’t able, or at least didn’t make the opportunity, to make a start on my ‘reading’ project. What I did find time for was a few short interludes in the garden, to see the wildflowers that had just come into bloom and enjoy watching the Small Heath, Ringlets and Meadow Brown butterflies that make such good use of the wildlife end of the garden.

Come the cool of the evening, having enjoyed a delicious ham pasta (a product of yours truly – of course) with my beloved, we ventured out into the garden; the better half busied herself clearing out some weeds, that have an incurable habit of trespassing upon the supposedly cultivated end of the garden, whilst I set to the task of topping up the pond. It really seems incredible, this summer, the amount of times I’m having to top up the water level; when this pond was first in situ we were up half the night baling it out, because of the torrential rain, and having visions of the fish being washed out and swept along the path into the drainage system!

After our modest endeavours in the garden, we retreat to the house and open a nicely chilled bottle of ‘Edward’s Lake Unwooded Chardonnay, NSW, 2003’, which appeals to both our palates. It’s with relief that I note we have several more bottles of this vintage in our cellar. We have been so fortunate recently in not having any dud wines to sully the palate. My favourite recent bottle was a ‘Chateau du Carpia, Bordeaux - Blanc Sec, 2003’, a quite special example of the Sauvignon Blanc / Semillon blend.

And now it’s time for my retreat, from the blogosphere, to savour another glass of Edward’s Lake! I relax with ma belle amoureuse and rejoice in this day the Lord has made.

Looking For Results

Surprise, surprise; I felt quite wide-awake this morning around 7.00am, a quite unusual occurrence and, after a further doze I’d managed to release myself from the enslaving duvet and, found my way into the shower, by 9.00am. The excitement never ceases in this household. A leisurely application of emollient cream to the lower limbs was followed by a little nap before venturing downstairs.

As my beloved, on her day off, was heading into town to meet Beth, my morning was spent in typical idle fashion, disrupted only by the exertion of popping a few baking potatoes into the oven. For lunch I prepared a lightly spiced combination of trout, peppers, mushrooms and cherry tomatoes, as a topping for the jacket potatoes.

The lunch was followed by a hasty departure for the District Hospital, chauffeured by ma belle amoureuse, where I had an appointment with Julie at the Chronic Fatigue Unit. The first part of the visit was spent catching up on my “progress” since the previous visit. The goals are always mutually agreed upon, to enable me with my “pacing” and the attention today turned to some concentration goals. I’d so love to be able to get back into reading so, I’ve to sort out a time or chapter scale (dependent on the book in question) for attempting to redevelop this skill. Alongside this, a side project is to get on with a little PDF publishing project, allotting specified short periods of activity to editing and re-arranging the volume from an accumulated wealth of material.

I have a little questionnaire to fill in before my next visit, the same sheets I had to complete before my first appointment; the questionnaire comprises Chalder Fatigue Scale, Rand Version SF-36 Physical Function, Hospital Anxiety and Depression Scale (HADS).

The only problem with the Chalder Fatigue Scale involves comparing how you’re feeling with “how you felt when you were last well”. As this condition goes back several years, the way I answer the questions will be rather different than if I had to compare my current problems with how I was six months ago, when I completed the first set of these questionnaires. Surely, this would provide more relevant information for the Department of Health, as they use the results to ascertain the performance of the Chronic Fatigue Service!