Moving Onwards

By Sunday morning the air had freshened a little, probably helped by our second thunderstorm on Saturday, and I actually managed to settle down to some reading before removing myself from bed. This morning, I followed the same routine, having discovered the appropriateness of that time, prior to the exertion of manoeuvring oneself from a recumbent position into a standing or sitting one, for the reading exercise. On this occasion I managed to read a couple more chapters of Richard Holloway ‘Doubts and Loves’ (subtitled What is left of Christianity?). A familiarity with the background and themes of this study makes the book very accessible and, I’ve long admired Holloway’s attitudes and his passionately committed type of writing.

Long gone are the days when I could immerse myself in the world of Dostoevsky’s characters and thrive, perhaps in an almost perverse way, on the resonances which insisted on merging themselves into my personal / spiritual experiences for years after. These days, I simply don’t have the stamina to cope with such drama.

Now, after that slight digression, back to Sunday; by mid-afternoon I managed a perspirational three quarters of an hour doing a bit of gardening, which produced an almost comfortable tiredness. It is really very satisfying to be able to report a couple of steps forward, after the retrograde effects of heat and humidity on my physical and emotional well-being.

Although the temperature is still a little high, for my hard to satisfy physiological type, I have no problem in rejoicing and giving thanks for this day the Lord has made.

From Strobes to Showers

Around 2.00am this morning, the bedroom had its own personal strobe light display courtesy of a localized thunderstorm and, one always lives in hope that the air will have freshened as a result.

At 11.00am, I ventured into the garden to feed the fish but, it seemed as if my anticipation of a fresher atmosphere was to remain unfulfilled. The butterflies seemed to be enjoying the day, following their usual hectic lifestyle.

We're currently in the midst of a moderate rainshower, for which both I and the parched earth are extremely grateful.

SunnyDay Bloody SunnyDay

The sun has once again emerged with a vengeance, so I remain most of the time in the house, curtains drawn, and unable to think of what I could be doing. I’ve yet to make a start on my ‘concentration’ exercises; neither trying to get back into a reading habit nor, starting the editing of my proposed PDF publication, has occurred.

Even in my healthier days of yore, I was never a sun worshipper; these days, even my limited levels of activity are grinding to a halt, as the monotony of hot and humid days seem like they’re trying to squeeze subcutaneous fat out through my pores.

Brief visits to the pond, to feed the fish and, when necessary, top up and treat the water, have become something of a chore rather than a pleasant routine. Even under the shade of a pond-side parasol, ten minutes of relaxation seems a very long time as I observe the antics of the piscine inhabitants. Late evening is the most pleasant time to be out in the garden but, by then the fishes feeding times have long since passed. I long for cooler days, just as much as the parched garden yearns for rain.

If it wasn’t for the weather, what would us Brits have to talk about?

Perspirational Overload

With a degree of regret, I have to acknowledge that the radio weather prophet (see reference to Job’s comforter in previous posting) was right. Mid-morning I ventured down once more to ‘Open Church’, after a one week absence, the trek down being rewarded with breathable air. Shirt, cotton slacks and sandals, were the appropriate attire for the prevalent temperature, although it was several degrees cooler than of late.

After an enjoyable 50 minutes of conversation, the move out from the narthex, to travel the route back home, served to confirm the forecaster’s prediction of relatively high humidity. After even the contemplation of any activities being stymied, owing to atmospheric conditions over the past few days, it was indeed a refreshing change to venture out. Maybe the sense of relief was short lived but, I’m still grateful for the opportunity to have combined a walk with socializing activity after recent (heat) enforced denial of such outlets.

This posting is of necessity a brief one, as the laptops keyboard could soon be swamped by my perspirational overload once more.

A Little Gratitude

The early morning, as I lay abed, is dull and grey; for this I give thanks. My beloved announces that it has been raining, another cause for rejoicing. In the bedroom, the fan purrs and stutters; for the cooling breeze it supplies, I give thanks. Job’s comforter, courtesy of Radio 2, seems to be promising another very humid day; at this, I groan.

My beloved, who kept crashing out during her day off yesterday, actually managed to sustain her night-time sleep for a more reasonable time; for this I once more give thanks. I anticipate an easing of my glandular and muscular discomfort, which has been exacerbated by the recent heat wave and, I rejoice and give thanks for this day the Lord has made. Perhaps today, I can get back on course with my pacing.

“One step at a time dear boy”, I mutter to myself.

If you can't stand the heat ... get out of the garden!

The sunshine may look glorious, the phlox and the gentian are blooming in the miniature rock gardens and, more water lily blooms have emerged on the pond. The lily flower in a shaded corner of the pond, shielded from the sun’s full glare by some newly unfolding leaves, is thriving whilst the suns glare tells the more exposed plant it’s time for early closing. I’ve not even managed to sustain a full five minutes out of doors, just a fleeting visit to feed the fish and replenish the bird table and bird bath.

My body thermostat is such that I still manage to overheat on cooler days, so current temperatures are quite simply unbearable. Leaving a fan running, in the bedroom overnight, enabled a little sleep but, during the day, the curtains seem incapable of blocking out the sun’s excesses. Leaving the windows open, at the shaded side of the house, has no more effect on the temperature than keeping the double glazing firmly closed. As I slowly melt in the warm humidity, my scheduled attempts at restoring my concentration are quite simply doomed to failure and, it’s just an impossibly stupid idea that I should even contemplate taking a walk.

Even in my healthier days, during a vacation gardening job (whilst a student) I managed to succumb to sunstroke but, recent days have seemed much hotter than the ones to which I then fell prey.

Typing this brief posting seems to have utilised my total reserves of stamina so, I bid any readers a fond farewell.

Addendum to Which Theologian for IE browser users.

For those of you using IE6 browser, the full list of percentages per theologian on yesterdays postings may not have appeared (apart from a 'miniature table). Mozilla Firefox displayed correctly. For those poor souls who only use IE here is the listing that should have appeared.

Jurgen Moltmann 73%

John Calvin 73%

Paul Tillich 67%

Friedrich Schleiermacher 67%

Karl Barth 53%

Augustine 40%

Anselm 33%

Charles Finney 27%

Martin Luther 20%

Jonathan Edwards 0%

Which Theologian Are You?

Although I find the Moltmann rating very satisfactory, I find it rather a puzzle that John Calvin gets a look in. Probably it's because, as is the nature of this sort of quiz, one is unable to qualify the reasons for a specific rating to certain questions. The percentage of Tillich comes as no surprise! I know why Luther comes so far down my scale; it's to do with the centrality of "justification by faith".

You scored as Jurgen Moltmann. The problem of evil is central to your thought, and only a crucified God can show that God is not indifferent to human suffering. Christian discipleship means identifying with suffering but also anticipating the new creation of all things that God will bring about. Jurgen Moltmann 73% John Calvin 73% Paul Tillich 67% Friedrich Schleiermacher 67% Karl Barth 53% Augustine 40% Anselm 33% Charles Finney 27% Martin Luther 20% Jonathan Edwards 0% Which theologian are you? created with QuizFarm.com

Postcript to the dispirited blip

After yesterday evening’s slight downer, a traditional lazy Sunday has resolved any residual self-pity and, this dispirited blip, will definitely not be allowed to become an obstacle to progress. A few references to my lazily rewarding day can be found here.

In the meantime, a juicily herbaceous Pouilly Fume 2004 (Fournier Pere et Fils) accompanies our mid-evening's televisual entertainment.

One Step Back in pursuit of Progress

It’s one of those evenings when I don’t really know what I feel; slightly queasy, that’s easy enough to say but, it’s the kind of emotional turmoil alongside this sensation that’s more difficult to define or describe. Tonight was going to be one of those big milestones on my way to recovery, following the steady progress that I’ve made over the past few months.

I’d been invited to a meal with members of the chapel that Helen attends and, has had strong connections with over many years. This Sunday, they will be having their final service and members of a larger chapel in town are their hosts for this special commemorative meal. I’ve been trying to do everything right, ensuring that I’ve stored up plenty of reserves in my energy bank, in anticipation of this night out.

This morning, after yesterdays ‘necessity imposed’ additional rest, I maximised my rest period and was eagerly looking forward to the evening. Mid-afternoon, as I sat and relaxed, the heavy perspiration and sense of dis-ease took over, I rested in my chair, feet thrown across a comfy leg support, until a bruising earache and sense of giddiness took over; that was my cue to go and lie down on the bed and, next thing I knew I’d had a good hours snooze. Reluctantly and dizzily, I waddled my way downstairs and found the nausea inducing heat of the day overwhelming. Took a dose of Gaviscon to quell the reflux in my oesophagus although, since I’ve been on PPI’s, that’s not been a problem too much in evidence in recent times.

As you can see, there were several differing factors at work militating against my making the stride forward. Retrospectively, I can see that ‘nerves’ were a contributory factor, at the culmination of prolonged anticipation of the event, alongside exhaustion (my long term companion) which had been exacerbated by atmospheric conditions. Although I was well aware that my beloved would run me home at any time during the meal, how I felt as departure time approached ensured that I would be incapable of contributing even a spark of conversation to the evening. I was overwhelmed by the sense that my presence was a potential dampener, on what was already an event likely to be tinged with sadness.

It really isn’t that long ago that I would have been unable to contemplate even provisional acceptance, of the invitation to attend such a celebration / commemoration but, now I’m feeling quite dispirited that, despite my efforts to prepare myself for the occasion, I was unable to carry it through! How do I feel, I still don’t know; I suppose that my decision to have even contemplated attendance can be construed as a sign of progress!