And in this day the Lord has made, Malcolm contentedly rejoices. To enjoy a slow emergence into day, blissfully wrapped in my beloved’s embrace is always special and, being the weekend, there’s a bit more opportunity to share this precious time. Weekdays, Helen has frequently departed the duvet realm at an hour when my consciousness has not quite eluded the arms of Morpheus.
Later in the day, I shared the celebratory postings of a special person who has regained control of her own life.
Wherever there is light, apart from in a void, it casts a shadow; sometimes we need a helping hand to adjust the angle of the light, ensuring that the shadow is thrown well behind us!
- living and frequently struggling with moderate M.E. -
where (bad) health, faith, politics and the joys and troubles of daily life collide.
ME
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Friday, August 11, 2006
From Tiredness to Exhilaration
Today has been one of tiredness and exhilaration. The tiredness, ironically, is partly a result of being so wonderfully, floatingly, zonked out last night (after my acupuncture session) that I was really super alert this morning. Being up and about before 10.00am should have sounded warning bells but, we had a visitor coming around, one of Helen's old schoolfriends who's visiting God's own county for a few days.
This initial state of alert rapidly dissipated, even before the morning was out, and I spent most of the afternoon wondering what day of the week it was! Now, that's not quite so bad as it sounds but, having a visitor in the morning made me think it must be Saturday and, I found myself wondering if I was sufficiently energized to start my preparations for Sunday lunch. I've got to admit though that some of my general wooziness was of the pleasant variety, it was only the little glitches when I found my balance going a bit wonky, as I moved around the house, that it posed any problem.
Of course there's no rest for the wicked and, after Helen returned from seeing her computer students at the Acorn Centre, and a subsequent trip out to have a drink with Beth, it was business as usual. I prepared a medium-hot/hot Trout biryani type dish for our evening meal, much appreciated by both of us. It's quite strange to think that when we met, Helen didn't like fish or spicy food and now, both are on her favourites list - it's maybe all a subtle ploy to ensure that I keep slaving over a hot stove.
After the meal, we drove around to see Anne Marie, one of Helen's students, who we were able to set up with a new computer (and not so new monitor) a few weeks ago, as she'd found her printer wasn't working. So, Malcolm was called in as troubleshooter and, to see the delight on her face when this was sorted and, I'd shown her how to use WMP to play music while she worked diligently on her CLAIT course work. Just to witness her delight and gratitude, in response to such minimal effort on my part, is where the exhilaration enters the picture. She calls the computer her baby, and this from a woman who has eight grown up children. The fact that we were listening to 'Rock n' Roll Legends', a reminder that once even I was a teenager, as I played around with the PC, meant that the visit lasted a little longer than we'd anticipated!
This initial state of alert rapidly dissipated, even before the morning was out, and I spent most of the afternoon wondering what day of the week it was! Now, that's not quite so bad as it sounds but, having a visitor in the morning made me think it must be Saturday and, I found myself wondering if I was sufficiently energized to start my preparations for Sunday lunch. I've got to admit though that some of my general wooziness was of the pleasant variety, it was only the little glitches when I found my balance going a bit wonky, as I moved around the house, that it posed any problem.
Of course there's no rest for the wicked and, after Helen returned from seeing her computer students at the Acorn Centre, and a subsequent trip out to have a drink with Beth, it was business as usual. I prepared a medium-hot/hot Trout biryani type dish for our evening meal, much appreciated by both of us. It's quite strange to think that when we met, Helen didn't like fish or spicy food and now, both are on her favourites list - it's maybe all a subtle ploy to ensure that I keep slaving over a hot stove.
After the meal, we drove around to see Anne Marie, one of Helen's students, who we were able to set up with a new computer (and not so new monitor) a few weeks ago, as she'd found her printer wasn't working. So, Malcolm was called in as troubleshooter and, to see the delight on her face when this was sorted and, I'd shown her how to use WMP to play music while she worked diligently on her CLAIT course work. Just to witness her delight and gratitude, in response to such minimal effort on my part, is where the exhilaration enters the picture. She calls the computer her baby, and this from a woman who has eight grown up children. The fact that we were listening to 'Rock n' Roll Legends', a reminder that once even I was a teenager, as I played around with the PC, meant that the visit lasted a little longer than we'd anticipated!
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Kick started by the pricks
A welcome warm tingling glow waltzed caressingly around the calves and shins. It was as if velvet wrapped knuckles were applying the most perfect conceivable massage, in the best of all possible worlds! And that’s only for starters. You may quite rightfully wonder what Sinna Luvva’s getting at and, such is my cosily floating universe at present that my response requires a great deal of conscious effort.
My acupuncture session, this afternoon, was quite tangibly pouring much needed energy into my lower limbs yet, I was totally oblivious to the (actual) position of the needles and, I most certainly hadn’t realized the extra concentration around shins, ankles and top of the feet. I had, as usual, an awareness of those placed at the juncture of thumb and forefinger of each hand, especially as today they seemed to generate a concentration of heat. This was not at all a discomforting heat but, rather reassuring.
It’s always difficult to predict what sensation will accompany the treatment but, despite my initial scepticism when I started my treatments last fall, the results have proved quite positive, initially in terms of pain relief (when that was the focus) and subsequently in terms of re-energizing.
I will always be grateful for the healing efforts of Helen A. What a privilege to receive such treatment under the aegis of a much maligned NHS!
My acupuncture session, this afternoon, was quite tangibly pouring much needed energy into my lower limbs yet, I was totally oblivious to the (actual) position of the needles and, I most certainly hadn’t realized the extra concentration around shins, ankles and top of the feet. I had, as usual, an awareness of those placed at the juncture of thumb and forefinger of each hand, especially as today they seemed to generate a concentration of heat. This was not at all a discomforting heat but, rather reassuring.
It’s always difficult to predict what sensation will accompany the treatment but, despite my initial scepticism when I started my treatments last fall, the results have proved quite positive, initially in terms of pain relief (when that was the focus) and subsequently in terms of re-energizing.
I will always be grateful for the healing efforts of Helen A. What a privilege to receive such treatment under the aegis of a much maligned NHS!
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Not So Much A Setback (More A Way of Life)
I'm experiencing so many technical gliches on 'MySpace' that, once again, I'm duplicating a blog entry from 'Words of An Hirsute Antiquity' here ... just in case ...
"After a joyously calm start to the morning, things became a little tougher mid-afternoon. It’s quite odd how a quite gentle walk can suddenly turn into an arduous expedition, not so much a mood swing, more a body one. Sometimes one’s body is just so reluctant to do what it’s told. It’s been well drilled into me how much one has to listen to their body but, there are times when we just have to show it who’s the master. The minor discomforting setback, recorded by Sinna Luvva, although of today’s vintage, already seems like ancient history.
These little incidents, when I seem to have lost control, serve as a useful reminder of just how much I am able to do with my life! Sure, it’s an inconvenience not to be able to do too much forward planning but, I am loved and accepted for who I am, not what or how much I can do."
"After a joyously calm start to the morning, things became a little tougher mid-afternoon. It’s quite odd how a quite gentle walk can suddenly turn into an arduous expedition, not so much a mood swing, more a body one. Sometimes one’s body is just so reluctant to do what it’s told. It’s been well drilled into me how much one has to listen to their body but, there are times when we just have to show it who’s the master. The minor discomforting setback, recorded by Sinna Luvva, although of today’s vintage, already seems like ancient history.
These little incidents, when I seem to have lost control, serve as a useful reminder of just how much I am able to do with my life! Sure, it’s an inconvenience not to be able to do too much forward planning but, I am loved and accepted for who I am, not what or how much I can do."
A Little Diversion
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have composition soles on your sandals, comprising 80% well chewed gum and 20% elasticised super-glue? I can assure you that it’s not to be recommended!
After a calmly joyous start to the day, I drifted into early afternoon. By mid-afternoon, I felt I should take myself for a little walk and, on the outward part of my little expedition, I dropped a prescription in to the local pharmacist. Having started off on one of my usual circuits, I decided to add a bit of a zig-zag to the route, perhaps adding little more than a couple of hundred yards to the overall journey. Whether it was an error of judgement, or simply an incident waiting to happen, I don’t know but, halfway through this diversionary route my thighs and knees started to resist my will to move onwards,
My style, if such it can be called, was in desperate need of amendment; perhaps I should start to swing my legs a different way. For a few brief yards I practised a stiff legged waddle, a new item for my repertoire; this only served to make hips and the small of the back ache in quite an ominous fashion. Thankfully this was only a passing fad.
As I approached the pharmacy, on my home run, to pick up the dispensed prescription, I found myself wondering why they didn’t offer a drive you home service rather than a prescription collection one. What a welcoming prospect that would have been! The knee joint felt like it was grating against the tibia and fibula, the hip joint in need of lubrication and, by this time I was in need of some serious thirst-quenching. Still, I struggled wimpishly on, collected my prescription and suddenly, I recognized the above composition of my sandal’s soles; it seemed to take a real effort of will to lift my foot from the pavement for each step, it was as if the force of gravity was concentrating all its attention on my feet.!
Still, I survived to tell the tale and, sat here with my glass of Adam’s Ale, I am once again at peace with the world. But what do I do next, take another walk to reassure myself that this was just a temporary blip, or rest assured that the rest will cure all?
I have overcome and I will overcome; even now the incident seems laughable.
After a calmly joyous start to the day, I drifted into early afternoon. By mid-afternoon, I felt I should take myself for a little walk and, on the outward part of my little expedition, I dropped a prescription in to the local pharmacist. Having started off on one of my usual circuits, I decided to add a bit of a zig-zag to the route, perhaps adding little more than a couple of hundred yards to the overall journey. Whether it was an error of judgement, or simply an incident waiting to happen, I don’t know but, halfway through this diversionary route my thighs and knees started to resist my will to move onwards,
My style, if such it can be called, was in desperate need of amendment; perhaps I should start to swing my legs a different way. For a few brief yards I practised a stiff legged waddle, a new item for my repertoire; this only served to make hips and the small of the back ache in quite an ominous fashion. Thankfully this was only a passing fad.
As I approached the pharmacy, on my home run, to pick up the dispensed prescription, I found myself wondering why they didn’t offer a drive you home service rather than a prescription collection one. What a welcoming prospect that would have been! The knee joint felt like it was grating against the tibia and fibula, the hip joint in need of lubrication and, by this time I was in need of some serious thirst-quenching. Still, I struggled wimpishly on, collected my prescription and suddenly, I recognized the above composition of my sandal’s soles; it seemed to take a real effort of will to lift my foot from the pavement for each step, it was as if the force of gravity was concentrating all its attention on my feet.!
Still, I survived to tell the tale and, sat here with my glass of Adam’s Ale, I am once again at peace with the world. But what do I do next, take another walk to reassure myself that this was just a temporary blip, or rest assured that the rest will cure all?
I have overcome and I will overcome; even now the incident seems laughable.
Monday, August 07, 2006
Catching the drift
Having spent much of the day drifting in and out of cyberspace, messaging wonderful friends on ‘MySpace’, posting a NEW poem (inspired by a beautiful friend) on ‘Mal’s Factory’ and, visiting the Help with ME Forum, the only real exercise of the day was provided by sauntering up to the garden pond to feed the fish.
Once my beloved returned from work, we strolled down to the local Brewer’s Fayre for a little early evening meal. The salmon risotto, topped with an apple and sultana curry sauce, was the choice of both Helen and myself; it’s amazing the lengths some people will go to in order to avoid washing up duties. I suppose it could be viewed as a rightful extension of our No More Buts Day celebrations. The saunter back home provided the day’s extra bit of exercise.
And there’s a real bonus, another dish of my own unique Eurasian style chicken casserole remains for our indulgence tomorrow evening. The first dish was much appreciated on Sunday and, I have no doubts that a couple of standing days will have only served to enhance the flavour, if that’s at all possible!
Of course all the opinions expressed here are simply an expression of my own brand of humility!
Once my beloved returned from work, we strolled down to the local Brewer’s Fayre for a little early evening meal. The salmon risotto, topped with an apple and sultana curry sauce, was the choice of both Helen and myself; it’s amazing the lengths some people will go to in order to avoid washing up duties. I suppose it could be viewed as a rightful extension of our No More Buts Day celebrations. The saunter back home provided the day’s extra bit of exercise.
And there’s a real bonus, another dish of my own unique Eurasian style chicken casserole remains for our indulgence tomorrow evening. The first dish was much appreciated on Sunday and, I have no doubts that a couple of standing days will have only served to enhance the flavour, if that’s at all possible!
Of course all the opinions expressed here are simply an expression of my own brand of humility!
Sunday, August 06, 2006
No More Buts Day
Today, 6 August, is a significant day in the life. Firstly, it’s the anniversary of the day when the horrific power of the atom was released on Hiroshima, it is also the Feast of the Transfiguration but, a more immediately important event in my life occurred just seven years ago today! On that day my beloved and I got engaged. To be totally honest, it wasn’t formally an engagement; it was a day on which I said “no more buts”. Perhaps this is an all too familiar saga, all those times when I expressed my love and, yes I do want to spend all of my time with you, but …. The thought of someone committing the rest of their life to me, that’s truly awesome!
Anyway, the 6th August 1999 will henceforth be remembered as NO MORE BUTS DAY! Helen’s eldest daughter kept pestering us to know whether we were engaged yet, she had it all planned out for us, so from that day forth the answer was, “yes”. For Beth, it was like a confirmation that we were indeed an item, for me more the awesome prospect of an impending marriage ceremony a mere seven months down the line. On reflection though, that tying of the knot is the best thing that ever happened to me; this middle aged chap, who’d been around a bit, had finally overcome the fear of sole / soul commitment. At times I dreamt of finding a wealthy widow, to secure me in my old age, but to chance to meet a widow who didn’t quite fulfil the ‘wealthy’ aspect, that really wasn’t on my agenda.
As soon as I met my beloved, she was quite puzzled that I should hug all the other ladies, young or old, but not her. I suppose I sensed something different here and a hug can be so wrongly misinterpreted. The real magical buzz occurred when I held her hand; funny old world, eh? This was going to entail the transition from a hug of love and friendship to the full “to have and to hold”.
Today is a significant day in my life!
Anyway, the 6th August 1999 will henceforth be remembered as NO MORE BUTS DAY! Helen’s eldest daughter kept pestering us to know whether we were engaged yet, she had it all planned out for us, so from that day forth the answer was, “yes”. For Beth, it was like a confirmation that we were indeed an item, for me more the awesome prospect of an impending marriage ceremony a mere seven months down the line. On reflection though, that tying of the knot is the best thing that ever happened to me; this middle aged chap, who’d been around a bit, had finally overcome the fear of sole / soul commitment. At times I dreamt of finding a wealthy widow, to secure me in my old age, but to chance to meet a widow who didn’t quite fulfil the ‘wealthy’ aspect, that really wasn’t on my agenda.
As soon as I met my beloved, she was quite puzzled that I should hug all the other ladies, young or old, but not her. I suppose I sensed something different here and a hug can be so wrongly misinterpreted. The real magical buzz occurred when I held her hand; funny old world, eh? This was going to entail the transition from a hug of love and friendship to the full “to have and to hold”.
Today is a significant day in my life!
Saturday, August 05, 2006
New Every Morning ... (afternoon and evening too!)
Today has been a real day of reckoning, nothing too catastrophic, just a stubborn body reacting to a change of routine. Having gone out for Supper / Dinner last evening, at Helen’s sisters (an event recorded under “Making A Meal of It” on Malcolm’s MySpace blog), my body clock seemed to get over-wound.
My old familiar pattern of restless nights made itself differently manifest; the usual routine is one of feeling really tired but, not being able to sleep at all readily. Last night I quite simply didn’t feel tired but, part of my ‘pacing’ involves keeping a more regular routine so, for a change I found myself laying in bed (accompanied by ma belle & radio 2) feeling alert rather than wrecked, but the same impatience was there as I waited for the Sandman to call.
I entered the new morning, none too belatedly, moderately alert and so, I felt pleased with the progress that I’ve been making. At lunchtime I prepared, from scratch, a couple of tandoori salmon fillets served with penne pasta topped with sautéed peppers, cherry tomatoes, mushrooms and peppers and, my beloved and I enjoyed every morsel.
Post lunch, the decline set in with feverishly burning eyes and aching limbs; the only solution was to take a twenty minute nap which, quite mysteriously, transformed itself into a lost couple of hours.
When we ventured out for a walk, the air felt quite clammily oppressive, (even though the temperature is considerably lower than that experienced last week) and my lower limbs became, once more, lead lined tubes of kapok as the brief brisk exercise somersaulted into a weary plod.
Having relaxed in a comfortable high-backed chair for the subsequent hour, a hint of energy is coursing steadily through my veins. If this steady momentum can be maintained, I may even venture into the kitchen to start preparations for tomorrow’s lunch.
The next step is always the most important one I’ll ever have to take! I rejoice and am glad in this day, and so life goes forward to overcome each regressive stage.
My old familiar pattern of restless nights made itself differently manifest; the usual routine is one of feeling really tired but, not being able to sleep at all readily. Last night I quite simply didn’t feel tired but, part of my ‘pacing’ involves keeping a more regular routine so, for a change I found myself laying in bed (accompanied by ma belle & radio 2) feeling alert rather than wrecked, but the same impatience was there as I waited for the Sandman to call.
I entered the new morning, none too belatedly, moderately alert and so, I felt pleased with the progress that I’ve been making. At lunchtime I prepared, from scratch, a couple of tandoori salmon fillets served with penne pasta topped with sautéed peppers, cherry tomatoes, mushrooms and peppers and, my beloved and I enjoyed every morsel.
Post lunch, the decline set in with feverishly burning eyes and aching limbs; the only solution was to take a twenty minute nap which, quite mysteriously, transformed itself into a lost couple of hours.
When we ventured out for a walk, the air felt quite clammily oppressive, (even though the temperature is considerably lower than that experienced last week) and my lower limbs became, once more, lead lined tubes of kapok as the brief brisk exercise somersaulted into a weary plod.
Having relaxed in a comfortable high-backed chair for the subsequent hour, a hint of energy is coursing steadily through my veins. If this steady momentum can be maintained, I may even venture into the kitchen to start preparations for tomorrow’s lunch.
The next step is always the most important one I’ll ever have to take! I rejoice and am glad in this day, and so life goes forward to overcome each regressive stage.
AlterNet: Activists, Teachers: Don't Give Up
"The more hopeless the political situation, the more important are those who live and teach the principles of human decency"
AlterNet: Activists, Teachers: Don't Give Up
AlterNet: Activists, Teachers: Don't Give Up
Friday, August 04, 2006
Unexpected Pleasures
Sometimes life offers up an unexpected pleasure and, sometimes these pleasures come in bundles. Today, I felt sufficiently resilient to get around to packing, and posting, five watercolour sketches to a reader of one of my weblogs who lives the other side of the big pond. What surprised me was the amount of stamina required, to sort out a simple task like packaging a few sheets of paper for transmission across the Atlantic. But, brushing negativity aside, it really has been good to get some positive feedback regarding paintings and poetry on my website and, after much e-mail correspondence, and submission of further jpeg images, it’s a real pleasure to supply the original sketches to someone who has shown such appreciation.
One of these days, I hope to have sufficient reserves of physical and emotional stamina to get down to some real painting once more; meantime, I am fortunate enough to have a few reasonable graphics and imaging programmes (on my PC) with which I can let the creative juices flow!
Another recurrent pleasure, experienced over the past couple of weeks, is the friendliness of people on ‘My Space’ and, the fact that some of one’s added “friends” really do get in touch! I feel quite privileged that they actually take the trouble, in their busy lives, to communicate both in public comments and personal messages. One gets the sense that this is a real community.
One of these days, I hope to have sufficient reserves of physical and emotional stamina to get down to some real painting once more; meantime, I am fortunate enough to have a few reasonable graphics and imaging programmes (on my PC) with which I can let the creative juices flow!
Another recurrent pleasure, experienced over the past couple of weeks, is the friendliness of people on ‘My Space’ and, the fact that some of one’s added “friends” really do get in touch! I feel quite privileged that they actually take the trouble, in their busy lives, to communicate both in public comments and personal messages. One gets the sense that this is a real community.
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