This post originally appeared on another blog of mine in 2005, based on some earlier scribblings of mine in an (unfriendly/hostile) online Christian Forum
A Susceptibility to Faith?
After undergoing an evangelical conversion
experience at the age of 19, there followed a spell of fervent evangelising
(perhaps alienating rather than helping the victims of my outreach!). On
experiencing the more conservative social values of my evangelical peers, I was
forced, by the more "mature" Christians, to choose between Christ or
At this point I tried hard to reject my Christian faith, even to the point of
asking God to reveal the unforgivable sin to me! An involvement in political
activism, an investigation of Eastern religions, and a later dabbling with
drugs, somehow never managed to fill a God-shaped void in my life.
Eighteen months of born-again Christianity was followed by many years in the
wilderness. Various apparent coincidences led me back to a Christian faith,
sensing the prodigality of the Father's love as he came out to welcome me
despite my aversion to many of his ardent followers.
My journey this time was via existential & linguistic philosophy,
literature and biblical criticism, subsequently by degree and post-grad studies
The secular homophobic attitude of many evangelicals saddens me, a reminder of
the social conservatism that forced me to seek de-conversion nearly forty years
ago. Although evangelicals now recognize the need for committed social action,
their intolerance and fear of peoples sexuality can blind them to many real
injustices in society at large.
Isn't it strange that issues of militarism, party politics, usury etc. do not
bring the threat of schism to the Anglican communion! Arms dealing and
legalised extortion are obviously insignificant when compared to the issue of
My theology is now more liberal /radical than formerly yet, I still read and
study (contextually) the same scriptures, follow the same Lord and am prompted
by what seems to to be the same Holy Spirit as my evangelical brothers &
Is it a psychological weakness on my part, that I need FAITH, or is Faith my
necessary means to overcome the apparent impossibility of deriving an ought
from an is?