The Old Familiars Return

And suddenly the old familiars return; I can’t say that they’re particularly welcome but, they do offer a distraction from more recent discomforting visitors. Just as I’d started to relax, after a few hours (as part of the last few days recurrence) suffering from problems with digestive system, gall-bladder, reflux and diverticular disease related problems, the old griping lymph nodes in the armpits, pains in wrists and elbows, returned to the fore. Having strapped up wrists and elbows, upper arms were held tightly against the torso, forearms behind the back with hands tightly clasped, in a partially successful attempt to alleviate the nausea inducing armpit discomfort.

Indigestion pains had become more disturbing as they induced sharp pains in the left hand side of the chest, evidently emanating from a renewed bout of costochondritis; frequent applications of ibuprofen gel to the rib cage seem to be alleviating that condition. In an attempt to alleviate the abdominal discomfort the doctor has switched me from lansoprazole to ranitidine 150mg twice per day. No doubt it will take a little while before any results are noticeable.

On top of these frustrations, my right knee (from which pain was alleviated as a result of an arthroscopy a couple of years back) has started grating again as I walk.  To be honest though, the recent, and current cold spell does tend to exacerbate any rheumatic / arthritic symptoms.

One could say that it’s all happening, at the moment, within my bodily being; even the dreaded post-nasal drip has returned and isn’t responding to the nasal spray. Oh the joys of living and the pleasures of old age. I’m afraid that those closest to me, primarily my beloved OH, are always on the receiving end of my tetchiness induced anger. On top of this my beloved is getting more tired as she awaits a heart valve replacement op. I realize that it has become pretty well a routine procedure these days but, I still can’t help feeling a little anxiety about the whole situation.

I do realize this post makes me seem like a real moaning Minnie but it will have to suffice until I receive, if ever, ample stamina to get back into a more regular blogging routine. Much of the time I’m able to enjoy a wide range of music listening (via CD, radio and online) and quite a lot of movie watching (via DVD and TV broadcast/ catch-up services) so, perhaps I should express a more positive message. I’m even able to take the dog for his short evening walk, with only a few health-imposed abstentions.

I don’t suppose getting older helps my general condition, albeit I’m only well into my 75^th year on planet Earth, but my emotional responses and attitudes seem to always be at odds with my chronological age, It seems like my intellectual and emotional life are still quite youthful; well, perhaps still back in my early thirties. If only my physical frame could take that leap back!

PS the use of the term familiars at the head of this post has just made me think of the witches black cat etc; if only I could cast a spell. Meanwhile the prayers of others will have to suffice.

Rare day

 One of those rare sunshiny bright (albeit chilly) mornings drew me up the garden (lack of) path. Task one was to net out kilos of fallen leaves from the pond, and applying same to garden borders. That task completed, I set to refilling our sundry bird feeders to add a further gleam to my nascent halo!

 

Such was the sun’s effect on my morale that, once back in the house, I forgot to turn the fire on until the chill had begun to gnaw its way into my corporeal being. It wasn’t too long after that when the old familiar aches and pains began to make a negative impression on my sense of well-being. It wasn’t long before the aches in arms and feet induced feelings of nausea. Next thing, a light-headed giddiness hit in as an accompaniment to a sudden, simultaneous, onset of dyspepsia and flatulence.

 

Wrists strapped and tramadol ingested, I rested a while before swallowing lansoprazole and mebeverine in advance preparation for an early evening meal. Thankfully, the intensity of the muscular pains soon settled to a more manageable level and the nausea discharged itself from my psyche.  

 

As the indigestion settled down a little, I ventured into the kitchen and griddled a couple of oak-smoked salmon fillets, accompanied by a gently spiced stir-fry of red peppers, cherry tomatoes and mushrooms (marinated in a garlic, turmeric, tikka and soy sauce concoction) sprinkled with a few flakes of oak-smoked sea salt.

 

And that was my day … so far!

A Breach of Composure

And suddenly the floodgates open, tears stream down my face and, I have to admit that I’ve slipped back into a state of (re-active) depression. A few references on a DVD to Christmas, and other (potentially harmless) mentions of future plans, supplied both trigger and detonator.

 

I cannot cope with planning on any scale; the stress of risking letting others down by not materializing (at the proposed event) almost outweighs the risk of social isolation by avoiding pre-planning. I’ve always preferred spontaneity to planning and, these days, I can only venture out to any function at such time that physical and emotional stamina levels permit.

 

For weeks now I’ve gone to bed wondering if I’ll still be around for my beloved; at other times, during the day I sometimes feel so washed out and painfully exhausted that I’m hoping and praying that I’ll still be alive when ma belle returns from work. I’m sure that the endless hours of restlessness and unrefreshing sleep does little to help the situation.

 

Randomly recurring chest pains, most probably related to my digestive problems, sometimes take on a terrifying aspect, especially when accompanied by a whirling light headed giddiness, racing pulse and sudden pallor. I’d never have believed that one could change from shivering to sweating and back in the course of a few minutes, without any changes having occurred in one’s immediate environs, were it not for my frequent experience of such a phenomenon.

 

A spastic colon and mild diverticular disease tend to optimize the de-energizing  effect of the other muscular discomforts; frequently having to rush to the loo at very short notice (uncertain as to whether it’s flatulence needing release or a more explosive expulsion of organic matter) leaves one with little opportunity to regain their composure.