Of Victuals and Vitality

Started the day semi-wide-awake, not semi-awake as that would seem to veer towards an unconscious awakening, around 6.00am! This was quite remarkable as, for at least 90 minutes, I'd been struggling with a bout of reflux from around 1.15am and so, lay awake at this stage.

That early start to the day was a false alarm in any case, the clutches (and even gentle coaxing) of the arms of Morpheus gained a convert. My final disengagement with the lair of sheets and duvet didn't occur until late-morning, reluctance to emerge being a temporary aberration.

Helen had, meanwhile, gone out to the day hospital where she appears to have had a rewarding session, both creative-writing wise and educational information gleaning! Having only grabbed my breakfast cereal in the latter part of the morning, a couple of slices of wholemeal bread and honey, together with a banana sufficed for lunch! I look forward to preparing some fresh salmon fillets for dinner, with my special herby spiced peppers and mushrooms; the entire dish will be subjected to a little char-grilling!

Does anyone get the hint that FOOD is beginning to play as essential part, in my life, as it does in the lore of the Hobbits?

Sunshine and Hospitals and ....

So far this has been yet another of my better days; it must be tied in to visiting the psychiatrist! The good news is that he's halved the dose of Mirtazapine for one week only, after that he'll check how I manage without any medication and, I see him again in six weeks time. He's also seeing about a referral to the physio/pain-management person who had read my blogs and, thought maybe she could help. Of course it had to be mentioned how much calmer I had become (on the temper front) since resuming smoking.

So appointed hospital visits are now for mid-september (trick-cyclist), end of September blood tests (liver function) and 7 November blood tests (multiple). I suppose someone's got to keep them in a job!

Suddenly the weather has turned rather hot again, I hope it knows when to stop, although, at the moment it's still rather pleasant in the breeze. Recent rain had topped up the garden pond sufficiently to withstand a few sunnier days. If somehow I can find it in my energy reserves, I may even get around to mowing the lawn as well as a little pottering about in the garden.

On returning from the hospital (with my beloved chauffeuse) we listened to a brilliant performance of Mussorgsky's "Pictures From An Exhibition" (the Ravel orchestration of course) by the Birmingham Symphony Orchestra ... what a wonderful brass section!

Got a little more work done on the laptop this morning, before preparing a curried pasta lunch (part reclamation plus Peppers, Mushrooms and Ham, a tin of tomatoes thrown in for added refreshment). It's possible I'll be back later in the day but, don't take it as a promise ... somehow obligation takes away the joy!

A better day

Today has been a much better day in terms of concentration and, also for keeping my cool at times of (technological) testing! The aches in my arms have been minimal but, sore eyes (right from my emergence into the day) and a niggling headache have been the days primary set-back.

For a better day, I give thanks!

Auto-healer

Just a few words before I dine. Most of my waking hours, after a somewhat belated start to the day, have been spent playing around with my new toy. It's not all plain sailing but,i felt it important to download an anti-spyware programme and, update Windows ... 24 items were detected to download and install. Heterocon has already reported on one or two hiccups so, I won't bore you again.

It really is amazing how much the new gizmo has enabled me to push my various aches & pains into softer focus. I'd not realized that a new machine could be such a wonderful physician. Perhaps it's part and parcel of the normal remission before I visit the 'trick-cyclist' at the hospital!

A better behaved body

Having listened to my body mid-morning, and grabbed the extra sleep, I seem to have had a rather better day than for some time. Of course, the new distraction possibly played some part in it as, that resolved the quandary of decision-making that has been rather haunting me.

This evening we watched "Agatha Christie's Poirot : Five Little Pigs" on ITV; neither of us had seen it before and, we're both agreed that it's one of the best episodes. Meantime, we had the video kept busy recording John Grisham's "The Pelican Brief" for watching at a later date. I have a vague idea that I may have seen the film but, Helen definitely hasn't and seems quite eager to view it.

David Jacob's programme, on Radio 2, is keeping me company whilst I prepare this blog, it always features some good music from the musicals and some of the great songwriters. A sign of my great age is that I still think of him as the presenter of 'Juke Box Jury'. As my vision is now starting to get blurred, it must be my body asking me to take note.

God bless and, sweet dreams.

Today the Sun has Shone

Last night, like so many of late, was not the most restful although, I felt a litle more refreshed on a relatively early emergence from duvet-dom. This proved to be a false alarm however, as by 11.00am I required a few minutes lie-down which swiftly turned into one and a half hours of sleep. I had just emerged from this surprise nap when Helen returned from having taken a service at one of the circuit chapels.

After lunch, one of my minced beef curry specials, I decided to visit Comet to do a bit more browsing. One of the laptops, which had been my earlier preference, had now been reduced in price by £80, so after my lengthy indecision process ... decided, yes this was the one. It was the display model and, another salesman came over to it whilst our salesman went to collect the packaging. Apparently, another person was on the phone at that point having just decided they would like it. How fortuitous was that, after all that earlier indecision, I only just managed to get the machine I wanted (a newly discontinued model!)

My beloved and myself have just been enjoying this week's edition of "Songs Of Praise" before Helen went out to the evening service at her local chapel. Must be a day for piety, taking a service and worshipping at another one; perhaps one day soon I'll have the resilience to participate in such worshipful endeavour!

Interlude

Twenty minutes ago, my other persona, Heterocon, had to give up writing, doubled over in tear provoking discomfort. After this brief interlude, only the aches remain but, it's hard to ascertain whether the various supports or the painkillers are kicking in. I, myself, find it hard to believe that it's such a short time ago that I was in the throes of a screaming cringe-making intensity of pain.

Why can't life be simpler, how long do I have to scream before someone realizes I'm not just crying wolf! Anyway, I must be grateful that at least I can sit reasonably upright once more. At the moment, with Radio 3 playing in the background, I am the picture of contentment. I only hope that this content never turns to contempt.

Life is short, we should rejoice and be glad in it.

Making the most of a bad job!

This evening, at 10.00pm, I went out for my first BBW (brief brisk walk) since rather overdoing it last Friday. An attempt to speed up on the return leg (of the walk ... I actually used both each way!) proved moderately successful. Irregularity of ability seems to be pretty much the blueprint for me at the moment. It would be nice if I could know in advance how, within reason, I was going to be the next day. I don't so much mind having to learn my limitations and so, pace my activities but, one days reasonable pacing seems to be the next day's struggle.

If I was more capable of an active social whirl I wouldn't moan on so much about limitations but, I do recognize how fortunate I am in what I can manage. The real frustration is that my energy deficit, lack of concentration, even the joint pains, seem to get passed off as symptoms of the depression of which I am 95% of the time unaware. As someone who has suffered spasmodic bouts of depression, not at all regularly, since my "breakdown" in the mid-60's, I do wish that my opinion that I am not in any way suffering any classic form of depression could be taken seriously. What "low" bouts I have these days, often of just a few hours duration, bear no resemblance to the pall that hung over me when I was depressed; they usually are a frustrated re-action to my lack of energy and physiological discomfort. The "chicken and egg problem" is all too obvious.

Body and mind are quite clearly closely intertwined, one can quite easily feel down because of a physical or neurological ailment ... this is not the same as being depressed!

PS I actually baled out 100 litres of water from the pond at lunch-time ... my, my, haven't I managed an exertionful day? My halo's positively shining.

Here Is The News

Once again various niggling skin irritations, and muscle twitches, have forced me out of bed. I hasten to add that the irritations were my personal property and, not a secondary effect from my better half who despite my antics remains sound asleep. I admit to some disruption of her sleep pattern.

Anyway, I've no intention of boring you with vivid descriptions. The following Headline and sub-header on VNU net really appealed to my sense of humour:

Russian spammer found beaten to death
One billion email users under suspicion as police launch enquiry

Reflections from a tired soul.

Just watched 'The Last Temptation Of Christ', for the first time in a few years, and am quite stunned by it's power. The interaction/conflict between body and spirit is remarkably portrayed; the equation between the humanity and the divinity of Jesus is one with which I've wrestled on many occasions!

Were he not fully human, then there would be no incarnation (enfleshment) but sinlessness casts doubt on the full humanity. My understanding of God is almost entirely shaped by Jesus, a moulding that survived and strengthened whilst studying other religious traditions. The concerns that grasp me tend to be funnelled through the Christ tradition.

I have a faith and many doubts; a concentration on the spirit which ignores the needs of the flesh and the struggle for justice has never been for me.