A reflection without depth

A beautifully crisp day once more and, this afternoon, after two exercise free days, managed a slightly longer (if still brief) brisk walk. The residual fall leaves, as we crossed the stray, hung so still they may just have been frozen. It was one of those days when I felt extremely grateful for my thermal hat and heavyweight, charity shop special, flying jacket!

The unfortunate aftermath of such exercise is that I wasn’t sufficiently energized to enter into discussion with a couple of Jehovah’s Witnesses who’d called around especially for a chat. Much of the witnesses teaching fails to convince me but, I’ve always been impressed by their (courageous) anti-militarism. Their difficulties with Trinitarian doctrine are also something I appreciate, even though my personal theology veers towards an adoptionist (though omitting the dual nature of the monarchians) Trinitarian viewpoint.

Actually, my mind isn’t really sufficiently in gear to wrap around theological concepts at the moment so, I’ll just love you and leave you for the time being.

The X Factor - no disagreements here

No disagreements with the outcome of tonight’s X Factor. Andy was absolutely sensational, Brenda was … well ... Brenda ... and that’s more than good enough for me. Thought it was one of the weaker Journey South performances, especially as it began, although it developed well. Pleased to see Shayne on form once more and, still feel that his career will go a long way … not the market us oldies buy into but he’s good at what he does.

The Conways performed really well, considering the pressure they were under after last week’s controversy but, sadly, Nicholas once again failed to live up to any potential he may have. Three duff performances in a row are the reason he’s out.

And Chico ... it's the feelgood factor, great entertainment!

One Day At A Time

Today my concentration was slightly improved, albeit limited to the reading of short articles on the web. Although unable to manage one of my brief brisk walks, a few ascents and descents of the staircase were managed without resorting to a crab-like gait. I’m really starting to get the feeling that my most recent acupuncture treatment has proved beneficial.

It remains to be seen how next weeks (more intensive) treatment will affect me. My outlook is becoming more positive but, having spent such a prolonged wilderness period before the physiotherapist’s visits, I am all too aware that there may yet be setbacks.

I have been warned of the risk of overdoing any exercise, which has not normally been too much of a problem, as even thirty to forty minutes exertion (e.g. lawn-mowing) has on several occasions led to being ‘knocked-out’ for at least the next couple of days. A task to be gradually tackled is venturing out for little social outings, which requires a boost of confidence and, longer term (perhaps) to regain the courage to have a little holiday with my beloved. It’s now over three years since we were able to take a holiday, largely to do with my phobias regarding travelling and alien environments.

A Modest Improvement

Once more, a night of spasmodically interrupted sleep was followed by a rather belated immersion into the world of the awake. I emerged, albeit sluggishly, with a lightness of spirit which was definitely not present before these twelve hours of “rest”.

One of life’s great imponderables is, why should bed rest prove so much more efficacious than days of imposed housebound inactivity? Heterocon has already commented on my enjoyment of today’s bout of exercise and, for that I give thanks.

Today my powers of concentration showed a modest improvement and, I’ve managed to read (and digest) a couple of short chapters of “Consuming Passion”, an easily assimilated collection of essays challenging the theology of penal substitution.

A shaky progress

My ability to concentrate, during the past couple of years, has markedly declined. In recent days, it has veered dangerously close to zero point.

How much of this further decline is due to the absence of the cigarette smoking ritual, which served as an essential distraction, to break up prolonged periods of minimal activity. A passive nicotine patch is no substitute for the active inhalation of hot toxins. I’m not really sure that I enjoyed cigarettes; I know that I occasionally enjoyed the smoking process.

The struggle continues!

Where's it heading

Got to admit it, I’ve been feeling much more alert today but, even so, I’ve been unable to concentrate on anything. Strangely, I’ve not even browsed my favourite online newspapers; in spite of having a much better day, it’s almost as if I can’t be bothered!

So, this is the point where the guilt kicks in; it’s one thing to lack the energy for any given physical activity but, to have an alert mind and not apply it, that’s a whole different ball-game.

But can guilt alone provide an incentive? Obviously not!

Sorry folks but, this is all you’re going to get! Just trying to get my head ‘round my mind.

Questioning Received Wisdom

An excruciating headache, starting at eyebrow level, coupled with painful sinuses, aching jaw and a dry sore throat, took total possession of me (following several hours of incubation) about three hours ago. A burning eyes component is so much my resident companion, it hardly seems worthy of inclusion in the list. Whilst feeding my cigarette habit, I had assumed that these kinds of dis-ease were, in all probability, smoking related; as I’ve not had a cigarette since 3 November, this hardly seems to be the case.

In many ways, apart from ethical considerations (cash crops vs food crops etc.), I question the wisdom of stopping smoking. At least the habit provided me with intervals of distraction during my prolonged health-imposed periods of inactivity.

Catching Up

Prepared and posted a blog last evening, only to delete it a couple of minutes later. Suddenly overwhelmed by a fatiguing emptiness, within ten minutes, I collapsed onto the sofa for an hours sleep. Having emerged into the day around 11.30AM, I was ‘out of it’ once more between 8.00 and 9.00PM.

Woke up in time to watch “Child of Mine”(ITV1) which certainly kept me awake for the next couple of hours. It was one of these strange productions whose premise had more holes in it than a colander yet, still managed to succeed as a kind of psychological thriller. Earlier in the day, I had transferred Woody Allen’s “Broadway Danny Rose”to DVD and, both my beloved and myself thoroughly enjoyed the movie. Once the adverts (it was originally recorded onto VHS from ‘The Studio’) were edited out, it just nicely filled the remaining time (LP) on the DVD to which I’d recorded “The Music Man”(BBC2), yet to be viewed, in the morning. A varied visual diet for a quiet Sunday.

Aroused myself from slumber-dom shortly before noon this morning and, following lunch, went to see the Practice Nurse who needed to check my progress on the quitting smoking regime. She has now issued reduced strength patches for me to try and, realizes my struggle with the weed is more mental than physical. She also recommends that I avoid looking at the more traditional quitting smoking literature, which is for me more a hindrance than an aid (see In Everything Give Thanks)!

Just have to see how we progress from here.

The X Factor

The positive note continued into today so, no complaints there! It really is good to feel a little more energized but, it’s very much a case of one day at a time. After my day's mini projects, recorded by Heterocon, decided to slump down in front of the TV.

The ‘X-Factor’ (ITV1) proved a difficult one to call tonight but, no matter what the talent of a particular performer … if it’s the wrong song … I’m really sorry to see Maria go and, didn’t envy Louis having the casting vote. It really was great to see Shayne back on form, with an appropriate song and, Journey South consistently make the most out of whatever material they tackle. Andy and Brenda, they’re both superb performers but, I was intrigued by Simon’s remarks as to whether Brenda has a recording voice! Last week, I commented (to ma belle amoureuse) how much I’d like a recording by Brenda then, qualified it by saying, “think it would have to be a DVD”. Andy’s rendition of a Boyz2Men song, a somewhat unusual choice, was for me the evening’s most soulful performance.

A glass of ‘Vina Tarapaca’ Cabernet Sauvignon 2003, a Chilean delight, provided a soothing accompaniment to our evening’s viewing.

Hello Again

Today, a slow start was absolutely necessary after last evening’s entry into ‘the void’. By the void, I refer to that all too frequent lack of physical & emotional stamina, in this instance accompanied by a total absence of any ability to concentrate. According to my beloved, it also led to the loss of my smile … I couldn’t even proffer a cynical token.

Having undergone a session of acupuncture in the late afternoon, I didn’t initially have any of the “zonked out” experience of last week’s session but, as the evening progressed it became more of a collapse. I suppose this is really a long-winded apology/excuse for yesterday’s lack of a posting.

Today has been much more positive as Heterocon (my alter-ego) explains in his posting ‘Born Again’.

My dear friend The Fox has planned a couple of days in the Lake District; unless the weather further West differs, to a most remarkable extent, from that which we’re experiencing, methinks the Lakes could well come to him!