Looking forward

Eventually climbed back under the duvet at 3.20AM but, had difficulty settling. Thermal support strapping around my shoulders and an elbow support, on my left arm, eased the situation a little. After struggling to find a comfortable position, for my intermittent sleep, eventually returned to the world of the (almost) fully awake around 11.20AM.

Despite my familiar lack of energy, and low level concentration, I still managed to enjoy the day, grateful that so many of my body parts are still in reasonably good working condition.

As I surfed the net and played around with RoboForm-Portable (Pass2Go) and portable Firefox, my rheumy eyes required regular rest periods, easily achieved as my mind insisted on meandering away from the task in hand.

As the day progressed, my knees became a bit unsteady requiring a conscious effort to maintain my balance as I moved around the house. My good fortune is to have a wonderful friend, lover and companion, my lady Helen, to keep me on the right track.

I’m quite looking forward to my acupuncture treatment tomorrow, as I’ve enjoyed more “good” days since the last treatment than I had experienced for some considerable time.

Restless ...

What is it wrong with me that, my first thought is in terms of punishment when some of the old familiar aches and pains return? It’s almost as if being unable to ask the question “why me”, I feel like some total wretch who deserves whatever discomfort befalls him … a punishment for my lack of caritas.

It’s only after a few “better” days that, one begins to realize just what assorted aches and pains they’d grown to almost take for granted in unalleviated days of all too recent yore. Today (meaning Monday) has been a day of gradual decline, certain jadedness as the day progressed, an increased awareness of miniscule irritations.

Accidentally decapitated a little wart on the inner thigh as I showered this morning, the bleeding disproportionate to the size of the wound but now, each little warty growth, especially those on the inner upper arm have started up their chorus of protest. Within twenty minutes, or probably less, of my head hitting the pillow tonight, an excruciating painful stiffness stemming from just behind the right ear and, extending down through the shoulder took possession of me. A nagging irritation in the ear, one of those that are always with us, has become an arterial throbbing, nausea invoking, pain in the posterior.

Anyway, the outcome is, that there’s no alternative to stumbling my way downstairs to take some painkillers and make myself a warm drink. Somehow the discomfort doesn’t seem so great, sat here by the PC as it was when attempting to sleep. Perhaps the warm drink, and the tablets, has so caressed my inner being that it sent up an unspoken prayer for healing. Perhaps I was over-reacting, or then again it could be that present keyboard activity is sufficient distraction.

I feel extremely tired whilst simultaneously wide-awake; perhaps sharing a woe carries with it a degree of healing! The question is, do I enter the overbearing duvet’s lair whilst still reasonably alert or, wait on the intervention of total exhaustion before allowing sleep it’s normal course?

The question is of course rhetorical, the decision to be made is real.

Ch-ch-changes

Another of those bright and crisp Autumn days but, unfortunately, I’ve not felt sufficiently energized to venture far from the fireside. Around sunset we experienced a beautifully haunting red sky once more so, I had to venture out of the backdoor just to grab a snapshot. It’s quite strange how much the lower layer of yellowish brightness counteracts the psychological warmth one would anticipate from a red presence!

Things aren’t always what they seem and, I’m afraid that words don’t always mean what one expects. I’m thinking especially of the word “immediate” which has presumably changed to mean “dilatory” (See “Tesco Jersey – “immediate” means when they can be bothered”, posted by Heterocon). I have contacted the offending institution twice today, requesting that they “come clean”!

A reflection without depth

A beautifully crisp day once more and, this afternoon, after two exercise free days, managed a slightly longer (if still brief) brisk walk. The residual fall leaves, as we crossed the stray, hung so still they may just have been frozen. It was one of those days when I felt extremely grateful for my thermal hat and heavyweight, charity shop special, flying jacket!

The unfortunate aftermath of such exercise is that I wasn’t sufficiently energized to enter into discussion with a couple of Jehovah’s Witnesses who’d called around especially for a chat. Much of the witnesses teaching fails to convince me but, I’ve always been impressed by their (courageous) anti-militarism. Their difficulties with Trinitarian doctrine are also something I appreciate, even though my personal theology veers towards an adoptionist (though omitting the dual nature of the monarchians) Trinitarian viewpoint.

Actually, my mind isn’t really sufficiently in gear to wrap around theological concepts at the moment so, I’ll just love you and leave you for the time being.

The X Factor - no disagreements here

No disagreements with the outcome of tonight’s X Factor. Andy was absolutely sensational, Brenda was … well ... Brenda ... and that’s more than good enough for me. Thought it was one of the weaker Journey South performances, especially as it began, although it developed well. Pleased to see Shayne on form once more and, still feel that his career will go a long way … not the market us oldies buy into but he’s good at what he does.

The Conways performed really well, considering the pressure they were under after last week’s controversy but, sadly, Nicholas once again failed to live up to any potential he may have. Three duff performances in a row are the reason he’s out.

And Chico ... it's the feelgood factor, great entertainment!

One Day At A Time

Today my concentration was slightly improved, albeit limited to the reading of short articles on the web. Although unable to manage one of my brief brisk walks, a few ascents and descents of the staircase were managed without resorting to a crab-like gait. I’m really starting to get the feeling that my most recent acupuncture treatment has proved beneficial.

It remains to be seen how next weeks (more intensive) treatment will affect me. My outlook is becoming more positive but, having spent such a prolonged wilderness period before the physiotherapist’s visits, I am all too aware that there may yet be setbacks.

I have been warned of the risk of overdoing any exercise, which has not normally been too much of a problem, as even thirty to forty minutes exertion (e.g. lawn-mowing) has on several occasions led to being ‘knocked-out’ for at least the next couple of days. A task to be gradually tackled is venturing out for little social outings, which requires a boost of confidence and, longer term (perhaps) to regain the courage to have a little holiday with my beloved. It’s now over three years since we were able to take a holiday, largely to do with my phobias regarding travelling and alien environments.

A Modest Improvement

Once more, a night of spasmodically interrupted sleep was followed by a rather belated immersion into the world of the awake. I emerged, albeit sluggishly, with a lightness of spirit which was definitely not present before these twelve hours of “rest”.

One of life’s great imponderables is, why should bed rest prove so much more efficacious than days of imposed housebound inactivity? Heterocon has already commented on my enjoyment of today’s bout of exercise and, for that I give thanks.

Today my powers of concentration showed a modest improvement and, I’ve managed to read (and digest) a couple of short chapters of “Consuming Passion”, an easily assimilated collection of essays challenging the theology of penal substitution.

A shaky progress

My ability to concentrate, during the past couple of years, has markedly declined. In recent days, it has veered dangerously close to zero point.

How much of this further decline is due to the absence of the cigarette smoking ritual, which served as an essential distraction, to break up prolonged periods of minimal activity. A passive nicotine patch is no substitute for the active inhalation of hot toxins. I’m not really sure that I enjoyed cigarettes; I know that I occasionally enjoyed the smoking process.

The struggle continues!

Where's it heading

Got to admit it, I’ve been feeling much more alert today but, even so, I’ve been unable to concentrate on anything. Strangely, I’ve not even browsed my favourite online newspapers; in spite of having a much better day, it’s almost as if I can’t be bothered!

So, this is the point where the guilt kicks in; it’s one thing to lack the energy for any given physical activity but, to have an alert mind and not apply it, that’s a whole different ball-game.

But can guilt alone provide an incentive? Obviously not!

Sorry folks but, this is all you’re going to get! Just trying to get my head ‘round my mind.

Questioning Received Wisdom

An excruciating headache, starting at eyebrow level, coupled with painful sinuses, aching jaw and a dry sore throat, took total possession of me (following several hours of incubation) about three hours ago. A burning eyes component is so much my resident companion, it hardly seems worthy of inclusion in the list. Whilst feeding my cigarette habit, I had assumed that these kinds of dis-ease were, in all probability, smoking related; as I’ve not had a cigarette since 3 November, this hardly seems to be the case.

In many ways, apart from ethical considerations (cash crops vs food crops etc.), I question the wisdom of stopping smoking. At least the habit provided me with intervals of distraction during my prolonged health-imposed periods of inactivity.