Felt Moments

A period of sound sleep followed an initially restless night; I only wish I could report that it was refreshing as well. Somehow, the rather grey day outside seemed to empathize with my generalized state of fuzziness. It was almost as if my head and torso had been bruised by a felt hammer but, brave soul that I am, I rescued myself from the duvet’s clutches by 11.00am and, come lunchtime prepared a dish of griddled Salmon, peppers, mushrooms and cherry tomatoes, served with jacket potatoes (pre-emptively prepared by my beloved).

Even as I prepared the meal, numbness down the little finger side of my left hand insisted on distracting me from my noble endeavour; I suspect the felt hammer had an ice pack at its core.

Weighty Matters

It’s almost too tempting to describe my lower limbs as feeling “leaden” today but, that wouldn’t be quite accurate. The reality is more akin to them being stuffed with sodden kapok and, getting up from a chair to walk across the room, my control of them doesn’t feel much better than if that actually were the case. Although it’s not an altogether unfamiliar sensation, I’m just hoping it’s a transient one.

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Little Pricks

Had a welcome visit from my acupuncturist this afternoon but, events of the past couple of weeks had caused such a build-up of tension in my body to the extent that my body (or at least my right hand) persistently rejected one of the needles. The throbbing persisted, for a little longer than usual, at one of the insertion points in my neck but, no problems with those in the feet. I was already tired when the practitioner arrived (not really surprising after last night’s manoeuvres) and, she seemed to recognize that fact as she checked my pulse but, after the treatment the ordinary tiredness was replaced by a more spaced-out variety.

A short while later, as I sat on the sofa, I was unable to control a trembling in both lower limbs so, the only solution was to have a (recommended) little rest, tucked under a cosy blanket on the sofa.

"In Everything Give Thanks"

It really feels quite strange, sat bolt upright in front of the keyboard, head tilted slightly back as if I’m rearing away from the LCD. This is actually the most comfortable position, at the moment, as it alleviates the throbbing spasm in the right side of the neck. At least I know, or hope its knowledge and not just wishful thinking, that this phase will soon pass; apart from being one of the stiff-necked people I feel pretty alert (or is it the neck spasm that’s keeping me alert?).

Anyway, rather than bemoaning these little upsets, I think it’s time that I remembered to give thanks for:

Love and care shown by ma belle amoureuse, friends and family
The opportunity, yesterday, to help someone by setting up some programmes on her laptop computer
The glorious red sky that I’ve just observed
The (partial) restoration of my appetite for food
Last nights ‘Child Of Our Time’ [BBC1]
The Afternoon Play on Radio 4
A roof over my head
The kind comments left recently on Heterocon’s blog

Come to think of it, I really am quite privileged!

To the kitchen and back

I just don’t know where the day has gone and yet, it has at times seemed interminable. When I eventually emerged from the duvet lair, just after mid-day, I discovered a bright sunshiny day beaming in at me, as I slumped on the sofa, whilst the radio babbled it’s accompaniment to my day.

I managed a degree of concentration for ‘The Saturday Play: The Bitter Pill’ (Radio 4), in spite of a marked degree of discomfort. An odd combination of sinus ache, indigestion and, aching arms struggled to distract me but, I persevered.

Shortly after 4.00pm, I thought it was time to start my preparations for Sunday Lunch but, this effort was swiftly curtailed as, having struggled to chop an onion, I found it well nigh impossible to cope/ co-ordinate my fingers whilst attempting to deseed and slice the peppers. At this point, I yielded to my bodies demand for rest and, swiftly fell asleep on the sofa. A couple of hours later I returned to the kitchen and prepared a Chicken Chasseur related dish; after the earlier difficulties, my sense of achievement feels all the greater.

Just what the Doctor ordered

The simplest of things seems to knock me off course these days; the occasions when I positively decide to do something seem to implode if I don’t immediately get on with it. Even the simple act of putting on a DVD or CD sometimes seems like it requires military precision. The ‘phone ringing makes me jump and totally distracts me; it’s almost as if each nerve ending is being given an electric shock. It really is quite strange, having to catch one’s breath before I can even utter a hoarse “hello” and, even then, I find myself unable to sustain a telephonic conversation with someone who has simply called to find out how I’m “getting on”.

Anyway, after such an eventful early evening, my beloved and I did eventually manage to settle down and start watching a DVD of ‘Doc Martin’ (Series One) and, it turned out to be my most sustained viewing experience for some considerable time. Although I identified, all too closely, with the “Docs” description of his panic attacks, the overall humour of the programmes seemed to confirm the adage that “laughter is the best medicine”. It was the first time, for the past week, that I have felt really capable of relaxing and, it was followed by a good (almost refreshing) night’s sleep.

Thanks Doc!

Progress Report

Another pendulum day but, overall more settled. After eleven hours in bed, my state of being in the early part of the day fluctuated, quite erratically, between reasonably alert and exhausted. Intermittent ‘cold flushes’ also seemed to take a starring role.

Yesterday afternoon, my beloved had taken a copy of the most recent DWP epistle, asking me to obtain a letter from my GP, down to the surgery; this afternoon, I had to go down to sign a consent form permitting the GP to send such a letter to the Department. [Evidently, neither the DWP nor the outsourced Medical Services are permitted to ask the GP for the pertinent letter; something to do with Data Protection.]

Whilst ma belle was delivering the letter to the surgery, I received a ‘phone call from the DWP which I had difficulty in coping with, as my emotions were so close to the surface, but they did suggest that, if I was unable to get the necessary doctor’s note, perhaps I could get one from my physiotherapist. Unfortunately, I knew that she had been incapacitated for some time, so it didn’t seem a viable option.

This afternoon, I received a ‘phone call from my physiotherapist and, the great news is that my acupuncture treatment will be resuming next week! She also offered to write a note in support of my application to have my assessment medical at home.

So, Sinna Luvva is looking forward to getting the needle! [Much preferred to “the slings and arrows …. ”].

Cloud Evasion

Although the stress clouds still loom heavily, my mind occasionally manages a siesta away from their shadow. A late afternoon diet of “Songs of Praise” and, “Johnny and the Bomb” (both on BBC1), have provided a suitable distraction from my woes. I even find it possible to count my blessings; a warm living room, food on the table when I’m ready for it and, above all, the loving care and attention of Helen, ma belle amoureuse. I am indeed privileged and, currently, berate myself for being such a wimp in the face of stress; unfortunately, I find it hard to thwart these little quirks of fate.

Many moments of today have found the real Malcolm in residence whereas; for much of yesterday, he was nowhere to be found!