Washed out, that’s the only way to describe my state of being yesterday; for all my enjoyment of Saturday’s socializing, albeit of a mere 90 minutes duration, it seemed to have taken its toll. I have to admit that I did manage a brief, several degrees removed from brisk, walk with my beloved. Somehow, no matter what effort I attempted to put into the ‘leg stretch’, the lower limbs failed to respond adequately to my effort/desire! Basically, it proved a day of totally de-energized restlessness although, come mid-evening I managed to settle down to enjoy a couple of episodes of ‘Ally McBeal’.
This morning, as I slept through my wife’s emergence from the duvet lair and, her trip to the supermarket for the week’s main grocery shopping, I was totally zonked-out. My emergence into ‘the world of the awakened’ was accompanied by a painfully strangulated muzzy-headedness; the world could only be viewed in a bleary-eyed manner but, the worst excesses of this state of being have now, thankfully, dissipated.
I intend to rejoice in this day the Lord has made but, I am also aware that, all too frequently, a different reality can come between intention and actuality!
- living and frequently struggling with moderate M.E. -
where (bad) health, faith, politics and the joys and troubles of daily life collide.
ME
Monday, April 10, 2006
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Showing us around
Last evening was a combination of intense frustration and remarkable qualities of perseverance. The perseverance didn’t lead to a complete resolution of the computing glitches, which were the source of the frustration. The problem was primarily to do with my home network, which persistently insisted on denying me access to its resources. It’s quite strange to be denied any rights on a network which I established some considerable time ago. My general state of weariness prevented me from carrying out some other routine tasks but, being the stubborn critter that I am, I struggled on (too long) against all odds! The result was an excruciating headache this morning and to my shame, I succumbed (for once) to the lure of painkillers. Being a reluctant NSAID user, their efficacy on this occasion was quite remarkable.
This afternoon we visited Helen’s niece Esther, husband Alfie and their two adorable children, 16 months old Hannah and 3 year old Joshua. They’re currently over here on a visit from the US of A and, have had a pretty hectic schedule thus far. I’m really pleased that I found the stamina to make the visit and, enjoyed playing with some of their wonderful toys. Before we left his grannys’ house, Joshua (who was a little off-colour when we arrived) led us on a guided tour of every cupboard and drawer in the newly refurbished kitchen … a natural born Estate Agent! He then led us into the adjoining room to show us the piano and, he promptly took out a musical score and performed an impromptu discordant composition, to which he sang almost melodically!
This afternoon we visited Helen’s niece Esther, husband Alfie and their two adorable children, 16 months old Hannah and 3 year old Joshua. They’re currently over here on a visit from the US of A and, have had a pretty hectic schedule thus far. I’m really pleased that I found the stamina to make the visit and, enjoyed playing with some of their wonderful toys. Before we left his grannys’ house, Joshua (who was a little off-colour when we arrived) led us on a guided tour of every cupboard and drawer in the newly refurbished kitchen … a natural born Estate Agent! He then led us into the adjoining room to show us the piano and, he promptly took out a musical score and performed an impromptu discordant composition, to which he sang almost melodically!
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Taking a breather - and other productivity issues ..
A beautifully bright, if somewhat chilly day; having spent some time by the garden pond, watching the baby goldfish I returned to the house. Guess what; fish were still on the agenda, only this time it was as an item on the menu, as I char-grilled some salmon along with peppers, mushrooms and cherry tomatoes to top a couple of large jacket potatoes.
After lunch, I stepped out for a brief brisk walk (at least 35 minutes duration) with my beloved. As we walked amongst the trees, the winds murmurs almost turned into song but, as we turned to face it head on, and tears rolled down our cheeks, the realization struck me that the song originated in much chillier climes.
Prior to my pre-lunch pond watch, I’d even managed to post some more work on PoemHunter so, I feel as if it has been quite a productive day.
Even my breathing exercises went more smoothly this morning, managing the full slow seven count on the in-breath to a ten or eleven count on the out-breath. My big discovery is that nasal exhalation only, sans pursed lips (rather than as suggested by the therapist), helps me retain control over the inhalation routine. Breathing didn’t seem quite such a strenuous occupation.
After lunch, I stepped out for a brief brisk walk (at least 35 minutes duration) with my beloved. As we walked amongst the trees, the winds murmurs almost turned into song but, as we turned to face it head on, and tears rolled down our cheeks, the realization struck me that the song originated in much chillier climes.
Prior to my pre-lunch pond watch, I’d even managed to post some more work on PoemHunter so, I feel as if it has been quite a productive day.
Even my breathing exercises went more smoothly this morning, managing the full slow seven count on the in-breath to a ten or eleven count on the out-breath. My big discovery is that nasal exhalation only, sans pursed lips (rather than as suggested by the therapist), helps me retain control over the inhalation routine. Breathing didn’t seem quite such a strenuous occupation.
Monday, April 03, 2006
Murky Depths
Yesterday, the rainfall seemed much heavier than the proverbial “April showers” whereas today, we have once again returned to spasmodic wintry hail/sleet showers. The garden pond shows little evidence of goldfish life today and, so far this season all I have observed are the triplets introduced to the pond, from the aquarium, last May. Is it too soon to say that we’ve lost Tag, Babe, Blaze and Blondie, the longer term residents or, are they too well aware of the vagaries of the English climate to have bothered to surface? On two or three occasions, I have sited a baby fish but, the elders of the pond are either defunct or still wallowing in the murky depths.
The White Cloud Minnows, in our aquarium, constantly make us aware of their presence!
*************************
My breathing/relaxation exercise is still, at times, proving stress-provoking rather than rest-inducing. More frequently than not, a four to five slow count for the in-breath is all I can manage. The need to swallow, spurred on by my excessive saliva and mucus production, has a rather devastating effect on the counted flow of both in and out breaths. Oh, what a wimp I am. I feel sure that, after the initial counted breaths, my breathing is closer to a 6/10 pattern for much of the remainder of the set aside period!
I’m still struggling with the discipline of breathing exercises three times per day. Relaxation is such darned hard work. Perhaps the old guard of goldfish have also experienced breathing problems …
The White Cloud Minnows, in our aquarium, constantly make us aware of their presence!
*************************
My breathing/relaxation exercise is still, at times, proving stress-provoking rather than rest-inducing. More frequently than not, a four to five slow count for the in-breath is all I can manage. The need to swallow, spurred on by my excessive saliva and mucus production, has a rather devastating effect on the counted flow of both in and out breaths. Oh, what a wimp I am. I feel sure that, after the initial counted breaths, my breathing is closer to a 6/10 pattern for much of the remainder of the set aside period!
I’m still struggling with the discipline of breathing exercises three times per day. Relaxation is such darned hard work. Perhaps the old guard of goldfish have also experienced breathing problems …
Friday, March 31, 2006
Piece-rate Or Overtime?
Some members of the body’s SPT must be working piece-rate or, at the least, their CEO must have put them on some kind of incentive scheme. [More on this later.]
After the difficulties encountered during this morning’s relaxation routine, recorded on Mal’s Murmurings, any attempt at the day’s second session of breathing was maliciously thwarted; seems like the body resents the imposed discipline. Having listened to at least 99% of this afternoon’s play (on BBC Radio 4), which finished at 3.00pm, my next conscious recollection of the day was a rude alert, some 75 minutes later, when my beloved returned home. I awoke as a groggy wreck; the only problem is, I’d planned my breathing sessions for 11.00am, 3.00pm and 7.00pm, as they say “the best laid plans … blah, blah … blah …”.
Not to be daunted, by my record of abject failure, my evening relaxation routine duly started 30 minutes late. The first in-breath took the full seven count and, the out-breath maintained for eleven; so far, so good.
The second in-breath found me struggling at the count of five, in a ratio of 5/10 and, I felt like giving up. Third breath 6/12, repeated four more times; success of a kind! Next comes the rest part, retaining my upright but relaxed posture and, this time, it started well.
I seemed to retain concentration on the inflow and outflow of breath but, the relaxation and flow was spoilt by a quite frequent need to swallow hard. That’s where the SPT come into the equation; the body’s Saliva Production Team certainly seemed to be working hard to distract me, I certainly believe that they’re on some kind of overtime or piece-rate. I overcame the distraction, dear reader, believing myself the courageous soul I’d like to be!
After the difficulties encountered during this morning’s relaxation routine, recorded on Mal’s Murmurings, any attempt at the day’s second session of breathing was maliciously thwarted; seems like the body resents the imposed discipline. Having listened to at least 99% of this afternoon’s play (on BBC Radio 4), which finished at 3.00pm, my next conscious recollection of the day was a rude alert, some 75 minutes later, when my beloved returned home. I awoke as a groggy wreck; the only problem is, I’d planned my breathing sessions for 11.00am, 3.00pm and 7.00pm, as they say “the best laid plans … blah, blah … blah …”.
Not to be daunted, by my record of abject failure, my evening relaxation routine duly started 30 minutes late. The first in-breath took the full seven count and, the out-breath maintained for eleven; so far, so good.
The second in-breath found me struggling at the count of five, in a ratio of 5/10 and, I felt like giving up. Third breath 6/12, repeated four more times; success of a kind! Next comes the rest part, retaining my upright but relaxed posture and, this time, it started well.
I seemed to retain concentration on the inflow and outflow of breath but, the relaxation and flow was spoilt by a quite frequent need to swallow hard. That’s where the SPT come into the equation; the body’s Saliva Production Team certainly seemed to be working hard to distract me, I certainly believe that they’re on some kind of overtime or piece-rate. I overcame the distraction, dear reader, believing myself the courageous soul I’d like to be!
Thursday, March 30, 2006
The trials and tribulations of breathing
Just how difficult can it be to ‘breathe’ for relaxation? Darned hard is the answer. Yesterday, on return from the Chronic Fatigue Unit, I managed two sessions of my 7/11 routine with only a little effort being required. This mornings first session proved a little more problematic, the regimented routine proving too much of a distraction. (See Mal’s Murmurings “Of protracted catnaps and disciplined rest” for all the gory details).
The second session, today, managed to bring my long standing nasal problems to the fore and, the routine was transformed from 7/11 to a disrupted 5/8 pattern.
Come this evening, three attempts to begin the routine ended in an exhausted failure; suddenly it felt like a recipe for stress creation, almost as if my breathing apparatus (as a token of disapproval) had developed a kind of tracheal hiccups. As usual, my beloved thinks I’m being a little hard on myself, recognizing that I’m quite shattered from yesterday’s outing. How can one possibly induce rest and relaxation when they’re really tired?
The second session, today, managed to bring my long standing nasal problems to the fore and, the routine was transformed from 7/11 to a disrupted 5/8 pattern.
Come this evening, three attempts to begin the routine ended in an exhausted failure; suddenly it felt like a recipe for stress creation, almost as if my breathing apparatus (as a token of disapproval) had developed a kind of tracheal hiccups. As usual, my beloved thinks I’m being a little hard on myself, recognizing that I’m quite shattered from yesterday’s outing. How can one possibly induce rest and relaxation when they’re really tired?
What's your theological worldview?
I was quite surprised by one or two of the percentage ratings but, overall it pretty well has me sussed! You scored as Emergent/Postmodern. You are Emergent/Postmodern in your theology. You feel alienated from older forms of church, you don't think they connect to modern culture very well. No one knows the whole truth about God, and we have much to learn from each other, and so learning takes place in dialogue. Evangelism should take place in relationships rather than through crusades and altar-calls. People are interested in spirituality and want to ask questions, so the church should help them to do this.
What's your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com |
The birds and the bees
The freshly re-sited nest-box is already turning out to be a real hive of activity. The blue tits, when not busy foraging for insects in the vicinity of a blossoming shrub, seem to be taking it in turns to pop into the nest box. With all these visits being made, I imagine that by now the bottom of the box will be well and truly moss lined and, it won’t be long before we’ll be able to witness home deliveries of food being made to the sitting (brooding) tenant!
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
More Fish Tales & Taking A Breather
Although I’ve been feeling quite washed-out, for the last couple of days, this morning’s early sunshine led me out to the garden; I re-sited the bird-box (once more), my beloved having recognized some dangers inherent in its current situation. More detritus had gathered on the pond’s surface, following the past couple of days blustery weather phase, so a little more net work was called for but, it was also good to notice that the pond now displays copious bunches of frogspawn after the recent false alarm. One of the baby goldfish was out on a scouting expedition but, it seemed that the ‘oldies’ just couldn’t be bothered to surface. [At least the White Cloud Mountain Minnows, in our aquarium, are currently giving us a better show for the money. The young additions to the aquarium seem to have given the older residents a new lease of life!]
Having carried out my pond check and, fastened the nest-box on the sawn-off end of one of the apple tree boughs, I could rightly feel that my brief spell in the garden had been quite fruitful!
This afternoon, my beloved chauffeuse drove me over to the Chronic Fatigue Unit, at the District Hospital, where I spent an hour with Julie (Senior Occupational Therapist). Most of the session was spent providing her with some background to my condition and, she duly set me some homework, with a few general tips about ‘pacing’. The homework is all to do with relaxation; 7/11 breathing for 6 or seven times followed by a period of rest, total duration (using a timer) 15 or 20 minutes, the routine being carried out three times a day at approximately the same times. It is the discipline of a regular routine that will be the major problem, for me, rather than the exercise itself. By the time our session was finished, a slow stroll back to the car proved sufficient strenuous exercise for the day!
Having carried out my pond check and, fastened the nest-box on the sawn-off end of one of the apple tree boughs, I could rightly feel that my brief spell in the garden had been quite fruitful!
This afternoon, my beloved chauffeuse drove me over to the Chronic Fatigue Unit, at the District Hospital, where I spent an hour with Julie (Senior Occupational Therapist). Most of the session was spent providing her with some background to my condition and, she duly set me some homework, with a few general tips about ‘pacing’. The homework is all to do with relaxation; 7/11 breathing for 6 or seven times followed by a period of rest, total duration (using a timer) 15 or 20 minutes, the routine being carried out three times a day at approximately the same times. It is the discipline of a regular routine that will be the major problem, for me, rather than the exercise itself. By the time our session was finished, a slow stroll back to the car proved sufficient strenuous exercise for the day!
March to New Orleans
"Over five days earlier this month, around 200 veterans, military families and survivors of Hurricane Katrina walked 130 miles from Mobile, Alabama, to New Orleans ...."
Guardian Unlimited | Special reports | 'If you start looking at them as humans, then how are you gonna kill them?'
Guardian Unlimited | Special reports | 'If you start looking at them as humans, then how are you gonna kill them?'
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