wallowing

crash

just when I seemed to be bearing up well, a sudden shatteredness occurred - intermittently extreme discomfort in limbs & torso, aching eyes and ears, together with ultra touch sensitive back & shoulders - fatigue is the least of my worries!

an eventful time

Wow! What a week of varying fortunes; a visit (hopefully) to see the out of hours doctor led to a referral to A&E and a subsequent overnight stay at the hospital.

During the day on Sunday, a bruisedly crushing sensation across the chest, radiating from proximity of the sternum, coincided with shooting pains in my left arm. The latter coincidence was the real worry factor as I’d earlier put the cause of the chest pains down to indigestion.

The main problem is that I frequently experience shooting pains in the arm but rarely, if ever, have they coincided with chest pains. Early evening the chest pains returned, more painfully crushing and making it difficult to catch my breath, whilst simultaneously I suddenly felt cold (as the sun poured in through the window); it was almost as if I could feel the blood draining from my face and extremities. I felt totally achingly light-headed.

I knew that if I ‘phoned the “out of hours” doctor, as soon as my age and chest pains were mentioned, they’d be suggesting an ambulance. A short while later I headed down to the hospital, with ma belle chauffeuse, and the rest is history.

Having taken an ECG and a few phials of blood, I was duly informed that they would be admitting me overnight, for monitoring, and a further blood test would need to be taken twelve hours after the last bout of pain. The second lot of blood was taken at around 5.30am when I was informed that the consultant wanted me to have a chest X-Ray. I was wheeled down to the X-Ray department shortly before 1.00pm and, as all the tests proved negative, discharged when ma belle came to collect me at 1.40pm. I must say that the lunch I had on the ward, in contrast to my previous hospital stay, was really good, roast turkey with mashed and new potatoes, stuffing, beans and swede.

**********

Tuesday was ma belle’s Birthday and Cathy (my younger step-daughter) treated us, together with Ken (her partner) and Beth (my elder step-daughter), to an early evening meal at Luigi’s. Much to my surprise, having had a restful couple of days, I was on sparkling form (as the long lost demon once more found his rightful place on my shoulder).

Wednesday evening we had an “at home”, a further celebration of Helen’s birthday, when people called in any time from 6.00pm to around 11.00pm. Apart from a little socializing, videoing & snapping the event, I also allocated myself the function of wine glass filler & head washer up. I almost managed to overlook my familiar aches & pains midst all the distractions.

Much rest became the overarching theme of subsequent days but, I’m here and enjoying the company of my beloved as always.

Woes and Gratitude

It’s becoming increasingly difficult not to sound like a moaning wimp. It isn’t that I feel much worse than has become my familiar norm and, I’ve frequently experienced more excruciating aches and pains than at present, but it’s an overall sense of feeling ‘off-colour’ that nags and gnaws at me for at least half of my waking hours.

It’s almost impossible to get used to those times when one suddenly experiences a cloying, gut-wrenching, nauseating giddiness, and sudden change from warm to cold skin as the colour can almost be felt draining away from ones face. Sometimes the overall sense of queasiness persists for only a few minutes, before the healthier glow returns, at other times the period of dis-ease is much more prolonged.

The spastic colon & diverticular disease randomly asserts itself, with little regard to whether I’ve maintained a regular dose of anti-spasmodic pills (mebeverine) but, fortunately the ppi’s (lansoprazole) function reasonably well in curbing the worst excesses of gastro-oesophageal reflux (although there are some days when, come bedtime, I still require a dose of antacids.

On a positive note, I’ve suddenly realized that up to this point no mention has been made of the painful aches in the upper limbs (not infrequently emanating from the armpit) as these are currently adequately controlled by doses of tramadol. So, I conclude on a note of gratitude once again; if only the flow of thanksgiving could overwhelm the woes that flesh is heir to!

ME - my body - a little moderation

Reduced my hours ensconced in the duvet lair to the usual twelve (last PM – this AM) but, as is far too common, I didn’t feel much refreshed as I emerged into the mid-morning grey. Muzzy head, sore throat and lower limbs feeling rubbery leaden, I didn’t even contemplate venturing as far as Open Church this morning, so I restricted my exercise to a faltering stroll to the local bakery to collect our wholemeal loaf.

Once I’d decided on the bakery goal, I popped a fully stamped up Café Culture loyalty card in my pocket, to claim a free drink on my way back to the house; such was my clarity of thought and intention that I walked straight past the Café on both outward and return journeys, forgetting to claim myself a treat!

The hours hung most heavily by mid-afternoon as I drifted into a somewhat discomforting intermittent nap; an hour spent in this condition felt like an eternity of awakened drudgery. At this point my old familiar pains in upper limbs, from armpit to wrist, kicked in once again but were alleviated reasonably quickly with 100mg of tramadol.

Overall though, I can’t complain as I’ve frequently had much worse days than this and, I remain grateful that I’m only a moderate sufferer.

Stormy Weather

My most recent flood of tears almost put the current downpour of rain and hail to shame. A prolonged wearily exhausted phase of being has not always been easy to cope with; even an almost constant bruising constricted sensation across chest and upper abdomen fails to overwhelm the spasmodic aches and pains in the upper limbs (apparently emanating from the armpits).

Having emerged from the duvet lair, some thirteen hours after retiring thence, I went downstairs to prepare a chicken, peppers and mushroom casserole for dinner, as well as parboiling some potatoes in water infused with my special blend of herbs and spices. By the time the initial preparations were done I was ready for another rest; I duly retired to the lounge and enjoyed watching our avian visitors in the garden. Goldfinch, coal tits, blue tits, house sparrows, blackbirds and wood pigeons all vied for my attention.

After lunch we transferred some video footage of Wesley Chapel’s Anniversary and rededication service, from 1994, to DVD. It was good recognizing some old familiar faces in choir, congregational pews and pulpit, and it’s especially interesting as that is now Helen’s home chapel, just as it was for my parents in their later years. As I finalized the DVD a fascinating Human Planet documentary, which had just started on BBC1, captured our attention.

We both enjoyed watching the Senior School Choir of the year semi-final and, the three choirs chosen to go through to the final coincided with our selection. Shortly after that programme had finished my problems began; as I sat down following a visit to the loo I suddenly found myself breathless as my chest and abdomen felt as if they were being held in a vice and, I felt my colour drain away (the pallor duly observed by my beloved) and felt very nauseous. The crushing aches and pains were vying for attention everywhere from shoulder, through the torso and down to the lower limbs. As I gasped for breath, the tears began to flow and I felt terribly afraid, just feeling totally terrible. The tears flowed for at least twenty minutes as the sundry symptoms became unbearable.

I am just relieved to feel normal (with my old familiar lower level aches and pains) once again. as I sit and enjoy the company of my beloved!   

it's just another day at Mal's Factory

What was to be a new blog post, just another day, turned out to be a poem. It can be found on 'Mal's Factory'

of spoonie normality

Each time I’ve set out to write a blog post, of late, an insufficiency of either/and/or physical, intellectual or emotional stamina has managed to suppress the desire. That  statement gets me to thinking, once again, of normality; when ones reserves of stamina, or effects of sundry aches and pains, are totally unpredictable (not only one day but even one hour to the next) what kind of criteria should one apply in order to define a normal day?

Contrary to the hopes and wishes implied at the close of my “much ado about little” posting (24 March), a considerable degree of payback was evident in the succeeding days. The most positive thing I can say about the excruciatingly shattered low days is that they enable me to appreciate, albeit retrospectively in some cases, the goodly number of better ones that I am blessed with!

Easter Day

As Easter Approaches