Thursday, May 05, 2011

just like a woman

Sometimes we depend too much on the information presented by an official department, in this case the Endoscopy Unit at the District Hospital, that we are in danger of failing to notice any contradictions present in the leaflets provided. As mentioned in my previous post, my colonoscopy has been brought forward to tomorrow so today is a day of vital preparations.

At the head of the page titled 'The Day Before Your Examination' that "at any time today you may drink any of the following: Tea / coffee (with milk or sweetener if desired) ..." yet at the foot of the same page (following instructions with regard to Breakfast, Lunch and Supper, as well as preparing and taking the sachets of bowel scouring preparation) we are told that "Tea / Coffee after Lunch should be black" and that's with lunch allocated for midday!

This footnote also informs one that "no further solid food or milk and other dairy products are allowed after  Supper until you Hospital Procedure". The allocated time for supper is 7.00 - 9.00pm when it clearly states that "No solid food is allowed." Surely the note should therefore read that NO FURTHER SOLID FOOD ..... ALLOWED AFTER LUNCH UNTIL YOUR HOSPITAL PROCEDURE"

 For lunch I had a portion of chicken breast (steamed) and my next solid food will not be permitted until after my procedure due to commence sometime after 3.15pm tomorrow. I’m already craving bread, crisps and even fruit but I’ll just have to grin and bear it. I’ve never felt such desperate need for a cigarette since I gave them up last June.

A warning that I, as a male of the species, would have liked to have been given concerns the very drastic nature of the bowel preparation. After two violently liquid diarrheal episodes I felt, a short while later, an urge to empty my bladder (having been encouraged to consume lots of liquids) and considered it safe to do so from a traditional standing posture. Unfortunately the attempt to urinate produced a simultaneous anal leakage. Since then it has been essential to adopt a woman's seated posture whenever I need to take to take a pee.  That probable side effect would have been worth knowing about!

1 comment:

Tim Hodgens said...


Good luck tomorrow. Afterwards you'll realize the nastiest part of the whole process was in the preparation. Cleaning the house is so damned undignified...oh well.