- living and frequently struggling with moderate M.E. -
where (bad) health, faith, politics and the joys and troubles of daily life collide.
It’s more difficult than you’d imagine to listen to one’s body. When things are going well, as has been the case for the past few months, with a paucity of trigger alarm signals, one becomes blissfully unaware of their own limitations. Managing a bit more here, and a bit more there, the extra effort seemed as if there were no toll to pay; the boundaries of my physical and mental effort have extended dramatically, way beyond what would have been my wildest dream during most hours, days, weeks and months from late 2003 to early 2009.
One takes the occasional trivial setback in their stride so, it came as something of a shock, this morning, when my head, torso and limbs were all suffering from several of the symptoms and sensations that so frequently blighted my being during that earlier period. Thankfully, they were only present as a pale reflection of their former intensity; even that was sufficient to prevent me continuing a leisurely stroll, on which I’d embarked mid-morning, to ‘
So, it has been a lazy day for me, enhanced by listening to a new CD, ‘Tortured Soul’ by Danelle Harvey; the lady in turn rocks, grooves and tenderly coaxes her own words into life in these songs. Although the title of the album, and indeed the subject matter of some of the songs, could lead one to expect a ‘downer’, it’s the artist’s vitality and resilience that shines through.
Not only have I been taking stock, renewing my vigilance, when it comes to listening to my own body, I’ve also had the pleasure of listening to an inspiring singer / songwriter.
DAILY RAMBLINGS
Just an ordinary day; you can’t get much more extraordinary than that! ‘Ordinary’ suggests some kind of stasis, whereas life is dynamic; I fail to understand why I ever think of any day that way. Yet, that is and just was the case; of that terrific disservice to the value of each moment I plead guilty!
Each new day we enter is a day of opportunity, a time to appreciate or a time to waste; all too frequently I spend a generous portion of the morning in bed, catching up on the sleep and, strangely, obtaining a quality of rest which the preceding hours never quite managed to attain. I do not, any longer, make this into a source of guilt but rather, take it as a necessary preparation for the full appreciation of the remainder of these twenty-four hours.
Upon emergence, and consequent merging into the stream of daylight hours, an ambling stroll up the garden, observing the minimal changes, to plant growth and decay, in both the cultivated and the more natural areas of our mini-estate, seems an essential prerequisite to my enjoyment of the day. It’s difficult to imagine how I possibly coped with living in a second floor (third floor in stateside terminology) apartment; perhaps I quite simply existed rather than “lived”. On the other hand, I do realize that what you’ve never had you can’t really miss!
There are inevitably occasions when my, Marxian inspired, political nature leaves me feeling rather at odds with this “spiritual” passive acceptance of my lot but, campaigning burn-out occurred many years ago. Social sympathies remain unchanged, despite my decrease in physical and emotional stamina; capitalism continues to eat itself, greed rules and, as a result, much of the world is quite simply a bloody mess. Pharmaceutical companies continue to leak laboratory strains of virus only to cash in on the need for an antidote; those prepared to stamp anyone down succeed in business; Palestinian Arabs are turned into homeless helpless victims on the very lands which are their birthright, as the persecuted have become the persecutor and, it seems as if morality is just another word for unenlightened self-interest.
The utilitarian ethos of the greatest good for the greatest number has been turned into an excuse for trampling on the rights and freedoms of all those who deign to challenge the status quo!
Sorry, I’m rambling again – I’ve almost lost the original thread – what was it? Oh yes, I remember, the extraordinariness of the everyday. These days, I’m overwhelmed by the simple occurrences of nature, the exhilaration I find in hearing the schnuffling - schnaffling sound of a hedgehog emanating from the vicinity of the birds’ ground feeder, the moths flying out from the long grasses as I take a twilight stroll up the garden, the sheer richness of life’s tapestry.
I can’t ignore the suffering that goes on all around us and, in spite of an accompanying sense of helplessness, I attempt to bear up in thought, prayer and occasional action, those who are in need and pain. In the words of a song by one of my favourite contemporary singer songwriters – Danelle Harvey – I’m ONLY HUMAN.
“Caesar, the state, the organisation, the institution, is symbolically the holder of power in any community or the defender of the status quo. The military operates at one extreme end of that continuum of power where their job is to apply the maximum amount of force on the enemy. Anything else, marching bands, flood relief and I daresay, peacekeeping, is a distraction for when there is no enemy.
A clergy person’s calling is different; to sit at the opposite end of that continuum of violence, where vulnerability, woundedness and the beauty of brokenness are valued. Our hero is grounded in his tradition but counter-cultural, questioning institutional violence with the ultimate challenge of non-violent vulnerability.”
- Sande Ramage
A wonderful sense of irony pervades this article; what else could we expect?
“On the day I closed my study door and walked away from the military, I smiled as I noticed again one of the many posters saying "no to inter-personal violence", which plaster the public noticeboards around Linton Camp.”
- Sande Ramage
Saturday evening is usually my major cooking time, when I prepare the meal for Sunday lunch-time, which usually also suffices for our needs on the Monday and, in variant form provides the main component of a further meal later in the week. This Saturday proved an exception, to the normal routine, as I was too achingly exhausted to attend to such matters.
Even Sunday morning found me too de-energised to make amends so, a frozen Sainsbury’s Chicken Tikka Masala for two served to fill the gap (admittedly it was more on the scale of an appetizer) accompanied by my specially prepared rice. As I usually prepare curries from scratch, this make do meal proved less than satisfying; it was rather like having a ketchup infused chip shop curry sauce with one or two thumbnail size pieces of meat (which could have almost passed for lumps in the gravy) by way of texture.
I’ll definitely try not to repeat this mistake but, I’m pleased I did not forego the BBQ on Saturday afternoon, held at a farmhouse on the Helperby Estate, the home of one of the doctors from the practice where
Apart from excellent company, and host provided musical entertainment, I also managed (with a little perseverance) to take some video footage of the House Martins paying fleeting visits to their eaves supported nests. In fact the video camera was frequently utilized in my attempt to catch the flavour of the occasion and, my SLR also came into its own for this purpose.
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Having partaken of our (excuse for) a Sunday lunch we ventured out to the retailer who had supplied the RAC satnav, which I bought back in May for
The assistant manager initially argued that the model we had purchased was “fit for purpose” providing it could get you to a destination, regardless of the fact that several long established addresses were beyond the scope of its database; it seemed to me a bit like saying if you bought a car and it made one journey successfully, after which it broke down, it was fit for purpose as you’d been able to get in and drive for that one journey! Despite my initial frustration with this explanation, he did demonstrate alternative means of searching its limited database and proved most helpful in our quest. The store manager admitted to the limitations of this particular model (other than for finding a city centre) and, allowed us to do an upgrade exchange for a better equipped ‘Tom-Tom’ model; I’d sooner pay the extra for something which more satisfactorily fulfils its intended purpose. As an easily un-nerved and discomforted / disgruntled traveller, the ‘Help Me’ function of the new device, clearly demonstrated by the assistant manager, should prove a great boon!
Downloading recommended updates this morning proved a doddle!
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On our return home, the contents of a pot of Fair-Trade filter coffee were eagerly consumed by ma belle et moi whilst sat beside the garden pond, a necessary pick-me-up! By this time I felt sufficiently energized to tackle a little maintenance work at the wildlife friendly end of the garden. Our hope and intention is that the whole of the garden is wildlife friendly but, I refer to the area of more rampant wildflower and shrub growth! I’m increasingly of the view that these “natural” areas of one’s estate take far more management than the cultivated ones! Ma belle busied herself tidying up elsewhere in the garden, managing to demonstrate her special gift for losing the implements which she has just been using on several occasions.
