How Strange The Change From Clubbin' To Sofa ..

I've just become aware of the largest swing in my life! The change from social, and excessively socialising animal, in the dim dark years of teens and twenties, to the home-loving, travel abhorring creature that I have become.

There was a time when I was afraid of my own company, although I don't think I realised it in those days. The drift from and through religious meetings, political recruiting, clubbing and pubbing; those were the times when the middle of the candle was aflame as well as either end. The constant quest to fill a void, with God, the Buddha, Trotsky, Marxian Romanticism, listening and hoping to groove to sundry Jazz and Rock outfits; at least it left little space to be alone with me! A slightly abusive relationship with alcohol and sundry herbal and chemical substances all paved the path to ..... I still don't know where.

A massive mental breakdown in the mid-60's slowed me down for a while but, it wasn't too difficult to learn to burn the midnight oil once again.

Now, don't get me wrong, I did enjoy the excitement, the experimentation; at times I even enjoyed the downs as well. At least that proved I (or something) was really alive. But, then in my mid-fifties I suddenly fall in love; I'd frequently been in love and lust (both requited and unrequited) and afraid of my possessiveness, but this time it was different. Now at last I settle down into married life, having long since learned to live with and by myself, a whole new learning curve.

Since meeting Helen I have enjoyed the happiest times of my life. We both have our fair share of emotional and health problems, suffering with and for each other; I could never have wished for more. What lesson have I learnt from rattling this down .... how fortunate I am!

I am just recovering from a transient emotional blip earlier this afternoon [see my alter-ego Heterocon's "All Fall Down"for details] but the world is once again well with me.