Of Resting and Sleeplessness – postlude to Stress of the Normal

Come early evening and tiredness verging on exhaustion takes passing hold of me but, as a notoriously bad sleeper, I hoped not to drift off at such an early hour. Of course resting / relaxation, in the form of a movie, was the order of the evening; my usual evening entails the playing of CDs and / or DVDs at some point, rarely anything too taxing on my limited resource of stamina. Admission time; I did sleep through some of the movie but, come the time when my beloved was ready for bed I was feeling wide awake. I wonder if my readers will understand the sensation of being simultaneously wide-awake and yet 95% drained of energy both physically and emotionally.

You will have noted that as I headed to the bedroom, to join my beloved, the signs were not exactly propitious. Those forebodings were proved correct! As I prepared for bed a generalised sense of discomfort / dis-ease overwhelmed me and, the night turned out to be one of tears, screams and bellowed expletives.

Restless legs took control after an initial burning sensation of sore tenderness took control of my toes, and that alongside of a tortuous throbbing ache in both knees and hips. Within a short time, a tenderness of the armpits lymph nodes began to rage alongside screaming aches in elbows and wrists. My mind seemed to be preoccupied with a relentless darkness as I sought for comfort and rest.

The darkness of the room created an overwhelming sense of isolation, in spite of the fact that my beloved was soundly sleeping beside me, almost oblivious to my cries to and against the Almighty as I tossed, turned and struggled to find a state of composure. The blessed, albeit temporary, release of sleep took many hours to attend to my needs.

Another day of rest is desperately sought and, I little care whether it’s opioid, prayer, or straightforward Mother Nature assisted.

From Storm to Calm

That all too familiar nausea producing tenderness of lymph nodes, particularly axillary & cervical, has returned; the accompanying discomfort frequently seems to precede a more acutely throbbing pain in the upper arm.

Wrist splints and supports, tubular bandages, elbow supports and tramadol are very much in demand at the moment. Omeprazole, mebeverine, and mometasone fuorate seem currently (but hopefully only temporarily) rather less effective, in tackling reflux, IBS, diverticular problems, and rhinitis.

Quite frequently, a variant (as opposed to my more regular nocturnal tradition) of restless leg syndrome seems to take control in the hours out of bed. As I arise from a seated posture, it feels as if I have to make a conscious effort to issue the necessary commands to my lower limbs, to ensure they travel in the intended direction, rather than making a random displacement / detour,  and assuring them that they’re quite capable of supporting my torso.as I move across the room.

Even quite minimal exertion seems to take a disproportionate toll on my shattered constitution. I don’t think I’ve become more lax in ‘pacing’, but rather that my stamina reserves have diminished somewhat, over the years, from their already low plateau.

Apart from the foregoing minutiae of my current state of unhealth, I still feel rather blessed that I have a roof over my head, food in the larder, and other home comforts, but, the real icing on the cake is the love that I share with ma belle Helen. Love is such an amazing thing, a symbol of transcendence in a world dominated by the forces of greed.

To life and love, I raise my glass.