Faith, Guilt and Weakness

No matter how exhausted, angry, b....y belligerent I become, Faith somehow oozes its way into my consciousness and then the dose of guilt re-gurgitates itself! I am fortunate, I am loved and accepted by those who are important to me and, able to love some of those who are not of any significance to my sense of well being. To love in the abstract is easy but, especially with my current health-imposed intolerances, the practice falls far behind.

I am important in so far as every individual is important, my self-esteem is at times a little too good and blinds me to the accidental inadequacies of others. Setting high standards for myself and falling short, it is sometimes hard to recognise that a lot of the ignorant beings we encounter in daily life can't help themselves .... their rudeness always seems to bring out the worst in me.

Self-pity, at not being able to curb the more negative emotions, tends to make me feel like a liability to those I care for and who care about me. The circle rolls on and ultimately I cannot nor do I want to let go of my concern for the underdog, the neglected! Therein lies the saving grace .... it cuts short the introverted pity and, once again, restores to me the awareness of just how fortunate I am.

Faith is the guilt that salves itself!